The Disillusion/ Illusion of Help

Honesty. Integrity. Dignity. Humility. Conviction. All virtues we should possess. Most of us think we do. Yet, few of us have this, or rather these. But the question lies in the fact of why?

Humanity; human nature. We are fickle creatures who lie in neediness and self pity. As it is now; success has gone out of our immediate environment as to be recognized as important. Overwhelmingly so in the last decade. Success must be measured through the recognition of oneself on a global scale.

There is nothing wrong with the desire to be this for oneself. It is wrong for us as human beings to expect this of others, and if they do not achieve global success, they are simply worthless. As Donald Trump puts it; a loser. A definition of a person that is placed upon the shoulders of an individual passing judgment while knowing nothing of a person; an individual's struggle. And as they lie in judgment, they know nothing of what they speak of.

It is a world full of tit for tat. A question raised in each person's mind that is actually a statement. Who are you and you are not deserving of what you have. There is a contradiction within people when asking for help and when offering and giving help.

In the year 2015, to me, it is unreal, perhaps surreal to suffer in any way. The people who lead us live their life in the enigma of tit for tat; and the ignorance of competition that only separates when we should be united. Many times people passive-aggressively ask for help and when offered, they refuse it.  Sometimes it's because they want it on their terms; which can be irrational and illogical.  Other times it is hard to believe that a person would actually help when an individual has suffered for so long.

And then there is the madness and ignorance.

That a person helps another person in need for themselves for the inconsequential pat on the back. Essentially and ultimately having control and power over the person they are helping. If you tell a person; you will be healed of your illness or you will prosper financially; if you walk 50 miles, you will have this. As it will be an absolute and a definite. Most, if not all would do this. If you tell a person that you may-be healed or prosper, most will not do this.

So many on social media and of course, in real life; try to be inspirational; as in today's world whether via social media or the reality that is life, you can create an image to be whoever you want, but seldom your true self, for this would be unacceptable, to be proud of yourself without the recognition of another's pride in theirself.  They chalk life up to the simplicity of hard work and reward.  Yet, for some (just a handful), their reward never comes.  Yet, they have put in the hard work. They have stared death in the face but more importantly they have hit, head on, the sufferings of life.  As they stand face-to-face, eye-to-eye, and toe-to-toe with it (make no mistake, life itself lives and breathes, just as we do.)

 Most of the time when I speak of suffering I am speaking of imminent danger regarding poor health.  We as a species seem to only be able to support an uprising to help individuals with specific diseases; one or maybe two at a time. For instance Breast Cancer, or Wounded Warriors. When this happens we fall into place like children at an elementary school, ready for attendance.  The illusion of help and prosperity comes through and by another's disillusion of grandeur.

Now to be bold and frank. Those in position of power, in this time moreso than any other, are more irresponsible with this than a child with matches and firecrackers. Yet we hand this power over to them and then are surprised when they abuse it, just like we would be with a child.

I have lived my life in conviction, with immense financial resources.  I have suffered pain in all aspects that no man can relate to or understand.  It makes me vulnerable.  And in that vulnerability begets strength and love; even through anger.

I have often spoke that everything must have an opposite. Yet, with the emotion of anger there is no opposite.  Just that of not having it.  But as with science and faith, this emotion is viable none the less.

I have offered to and have helped so many people in my life, in so many ways, that I have spent more time and lost more money than most people make in ten lifetimes.  Through the eyes of oneself, we look at people in need with disdain and hatred. On the opposite end of the spectrum there are only a small few who do not know what it is to need or want.

People fall literally to their knees when in my presence as if I am gravity itself. I lift them up and I help. I pass no judgment on those who will judge themselves. I would be remiss if I did not state that even myself passes judgment. That I pass judgment on the wicked.  Today, I see more people that are unworthy of the blessings they have been given.

What lies within a person's heart. What is with held from another.  With all the clout and all the resources I have possessed in my life; my hardest battles are these: finding help, meaning medical help, the seriousness of all my illness, allowing a medical community to not only ignore and neglect, but through their insecurities that they will not acknowledge, vindictively use their power to attempt to snuff my life.

My other battle is to find anyone who would care about me in any way at all. Because of my strength, most people assume I have no feelings. That I have no heart. That I feel no pain and suffer no consequence.  As they throw the burden of their own sins that they have committed upon me directly onto both shoulders.

I do not have the strength to go into detail about my life any longer: so I will generalize through specificity about others. When we are feeling great and living large we assume most are doing the same.  When a person suffers so greatly, the difference becomes this: a person in great pain continuously wonders if another is feeling the same and is simply hiding it through immense strength.
What is my point? I will not explain or reiterate my prior posts. So I will start anew.  We never hold oneself in contempt, only others. We brag or pat ourselves on the back for what we do as a living. For this simple, yet, complex reason, that stems from one's youth.  To lift oneself up we must degrade another. We put on the cloak, the illusion, that we are so gifted; that our values and morality are so great, as we are deserving of our success.  As we use disillusion to plunge the dagger into another because somehow they are subject to flaws that others are not and do not hold the values, morality or work ethic that you must retain for worldly success.

It is amazing to me that those who I have offered to help, when they have begged for it when it is not needed, will then complain and turn down my help.  However, I have the great understanding of this: sometimes through the sufferings of life, and the imperfection of life itself, that through the surreality of life: help becomes unreal as this concept is unrecognizable to one's spirit. It is as if they have lost the ability to know the difference between night and day.  Kindly stating that they know no more of what the blessed understand with the indifference of dark and light. The combination of illusion and disillusion. Two words that are so strongly bonded together, their definition is almost the same.


I was going the share an anecdote from a recent experience with my own family; but the energy it would take to do so for those who are truly suffering can understand why I can not. When I first started in social media, I did not understand it.  In all honesty, I still do not. I have spent time on social media, or I'd like to say in the box of social media because in my illness I have had the lack of experiencing joy in and from the outside world.

In social media, I have developed great relationships, (most, brothers in arms) but will they go any further?

I started off being profound. But I have truly found that it is pointless to do so on social media. I have had many a people come to me for help, yet when I had to address my own health issues, the words that were left through email, messaging, tweets, were futile, hateful, disrespectful and of course I could go on with several profound words, but then I would be contradicting my own self.  Many of the people who asked for my help did not even need it.  The power to solve their own problems was within their own grasp. Many people I have offered help, immediate help, again because they passive-aggressively ask for it, will not even accept it or take their sweet time doing so.

Suffering is held in the old saying: to each their own.  It is subjective to a person's sensibilities.  This is appropriate for 99.9% of the world's population.  But for that small, minute percentage, their daily lives are so torture-some that the world they live in, not only has ended, but has never started.

When I was in medical school, one of my professors told me something that I live with today ( and this applies to all aspects of life, not just in the medical field) when you hear the sound of galloping, do not think of horses, think of zebras. When needing help, and when helping those in need, do not fall in the trap of creating illusion through disillusion. And hold no disillusion for the corruption that lies in illusion.

So in ending, when you look into another person's heart, remember: the feelings that you have are the same as yours.  Because all of our hearts are beating for the same reason, and to the same rhythm.

With all Sincerity, your friend,
~Joshua Jet Vaughan~


Post Script- Behold I sayeth: Friendship is not an offering, it is a gift that must not be with held but upheld ~Joshua Jet Vaughan 1:1