Real Life Angel 0.5- Joshua's Insight

In my youth, there were many signs that I would have health issues to the degree that I have now, but were overlooked.  As far as parents/family are concerned, some of the problems that I had endured throughout my young years should have been noticed and acknowledged as they were quite abnormal.  But in these years, you assume these are natural occurring events.  We all have aches and pains and many of us deal with some type of health issue throughout our life.

Being an All American athlete in four sports, though basketball was my passion in my youth, when I went to college, ultimately football was the sport I chose to play. When deciding a major, while attending the University of Michigan, I decided on Medicine.  My minor was in theology.  By the time I was attending college, the emphasis of God and Christianity was sorely lacking in this field.  As I accepted Christ at the age of eight, I had had an understanding through the years of having a wonderful doctor, until he died when I was at the age of twenty two, of how faith and medicine go together.

I graduated very early from medical school.  Did my residency, and practiced medicine for two years. During this time I had received a calling.  That calling was and is music.  I also had seen the corruption in medicine and knowing that I would make a career out of music that financially would be quite beneficial, not only to myself but to others as well; I had realized that my degree, my understanding of medicine and through the financial means that I had attained through music, I would be able to help those in need moreso than I could ever do as a personal doctor.

As I have gotten quite ill and have been mistreated throughout the years medically, it has taken away many of my gifts and normal every day activity.  I have had several opportunities to sue for malpractice.  My heart has always detoured me from this course of action. I have always had so much faith, I have believed that God would take care of this. As I can not understand His way of doing things, for I am not God, I left this in His hands.  Throughout the years I have realized that the simple kinetic energy that builds from good words and actions snowball effects a hundred times more severely with bad words and actions.

When dealing with someone's health there comes a time where you reflect through the years and as  you look back you realize that there are many occasions where you needed to stand up.  And that yours and anyone else that is part of your life, is now dramatically affected by what I call passive behavior; which has taught me how to be convicted and assertive.  With my life being on the line and with having a wonderful wife, who as far as the world is concerned, is very young at the age of 26, I can not let what is happening to me stand any further.

As this is now not just about me, but about my family.  When people use their title to coerce, intimidate, or jeopardize a person's life, how long do we stand by and let this happen?  I have seen and been through horrible circumstances that no man should ever endure, but I believe could not endure.  As I try not to question, as most of my days are filled with horrible suffering, I become confused.  But yet, I fight with as much patience and grace as possible.

I have always lived my life honest.  Righteously.  I find it interesting that in many professions and specifically the medical profession, that malpractice to the degree of the possibility of someone losing their life is less important to the law than me leaving a message stating that you are all fucking sick, damn you, and I'm going to fucking sue.  Somehow, that has become more important as this doctor and their office have milked, playing the victim, more than I have ever experienced in my life.

I have seen throughout the years how title, money, clout, power, has allowed people to have a better quality of life.  But this is something I have not seen my entire life. As everyone's life is worth the same.  We are all human beings.  We are all valuable, not only to ourselves, but each other.  And our lives all contain the same value.  We all need the same things as everyone else does.  And health is the first.  I have learned so much in my life.  I have been given so much, as far as gifts, talents and opportunities.  I have never been able to apply this or use these opportunities to better myself or the world the way I could if I was healthy.

I have an incredible understanding of human nature.  We have all been given opportunities to better our lives and others, but do we do just that? As these opportunities are passed down from God to human hands, as people we give ourself the credit and acknowledge ourselves as the beneficiary of our own hard work.  But whether we look at it as a God given gift or done simply by ourselves there is always someone that had a part to play in our life's success.  But have we given the same in return? As time goes on I see less and less of this.  Every man deserves health.  Every man deserves help.  There is room for all of us to succeed. As we should take pride, not in ourselves for how we have helped another man, but in the opportunity we have given them to succeed themselves; hence Pay It Forward.

The contradiction that comes with me is that I have seen that money, clout, etc. may have no affect on how you are treated, yes even medically, in this world.  Though I am not shocked by what happens.  Everytime something like this does, I can not find the ability to understand it.  Ignorance is not a lack of understanding.  Ignorance is a lack of responsibility to do just this: to simply understand.

To elaborate, on the story that had been told on what happened recently with the doctor and the law, the officer who had called my home  based upon the message that I had left, and my wife's, that the doctor and his employees, had stated to the officer, were in fear for their lives.  But who should be in fear for their life?  Though my message was not threatening, other than the fact that I was going to sue, even if it were I give you this analogy: If a man is standing 100 feet from me holding a baseball bat and I threaten to harm him if he attacks me; is that a threat?  As opposed to the man who is swinging the bat and hitting me, is that a threat?  Or is that a specific action, as they are currently doing bodily harm to jeopardize my life?  So as this doctor's actions, as with all doctors, they will put a narrative (which by the way is illegal) in my medical records, not only hurting me directly from his lack of treatment, but furthering the harm by influencing the future actions of others as colleagues always stick together.  The way that people manipulate, con, and straight out lie is horrific.  Taking more time on a lie to cover their butts, than even giving the thought or having the heart to care about another human being's life.

Daily we walk by as we see this happening in our world.  And we stand by idly.  Many times the word evil is used.  Evil is often associated with television and movies. An example created in horror, derived from this media, as we all have the same conception of what evil entails. But when wrong behavior can cost another person their life, do you determine if this is ignorance derived from any basic human emotion, or do you determine that this is pure evil?

With that being said, I would like to state this.  For the last ten years the number one percentage of murderers and serial killers come from one profession: The medical profession, specifically doctors.  No I am not talking about medical malpractice.  There are two categories I am talking about.  Doctors who are so sick that they kill people while in their office or hospital overdosing them and using other means for their own pleasure to murder.  Also, in the category of murdering people outside of the office or hospital.

When talking with the officer who is a foolish man at best, and obviously had no idea who he was talking to, as his words were child-like, as even though I am very ill I still have never allowed myself to be bullied or intimidated.  This has never come through my sheer size and strength, especially when I was healthy, but through the gift of articulation throughout my words; which sometimes are followed by action.  In this situation I have found that people use bullying to validate their importance.  As something is missing in their life.  So they try to intimidate to make up for their unhappiness.  Their loneliness.  And the empty feeling that comes from having no morality or faith in anyone or anything, especially themselves.  I had told this so called officer of the law that the doctor and his employees had left several derogatory messages to me via phone/letters (which by the way makes their actions a federal offense), and as I had offered him proof, wanted nothing to do with it, as this was outside of his jurisdiction.  Yes, a contradiction within itself, asked me why would a doctor's office would do something like this or leave something like this.  My reply was as opposed to what or whom?  As I continued to state, just because they work in the medical field does not mean they are infallible and do not live in the same moral ambiguity as the rest of the world.  And because they take an oath, as the first statement in the Hippocratic oath is thou shalt not harm, when they do this, it is far more serious because of the oath than someone who is outside of the medical profession.

As far as this lowly would be officer, who is living his life passive aggressively, which does not go over on someone like me, he also had to take an oath.  And the first statement in his oath is to serve and protect.  Yet, I ask you whom is he serving and protecting?

We in life, do not get to choose who is more important, rather whose life is more important than anothers'. Most of us go through life judging.  And many years ago I learned something.  An epiphany or revelation I suppose.  We may have our opinion, but we must not place judgment.  Our opinion must be formed by gathering enough information, which usually comes through time and education, along with instinct and discernment, before we should come to a conclusion.

There's an old statement that is never used anymore.  People used to say simply before making a decision, so that it was not rash, to sleep on it.  No matter how much we know somebody, we will never be able to completely understand them, as the way they understand themselves.  Though we sure like to think otherwise and believe we know what is best for others. You may be fifty years old, and even your parents do this very thing.  But by doing so, people spend more time focusing on others and less on themselves.  They are contradicting themselves within their own words and actions. But life is about responsibility. We must hold ourselves in contempt, and take responsibility for our own actions.  Actions have always spoken louder than words.

 Somehow we have gotten to the point in life that if we wrong someone so badly and back them in a corner, that when they defend themselves, we consider them to be wrong.  We all live with instincts.  It is called discernment.  We all know the difference between right and wrong.  What I have seen in my life is that people have chosen to decide what is right and wrong based upon what is right and wrong for them and them alone.

We have the right to live our life accordingly.  But if our life choices negatively effect the lives of others, personally or from afar, to where their life could be altered so dramatically where they can lose their life, when will people find the humility to know that what they are doing is wrong? To change their ways and make it right?

Frankly, I have put how I feel about these types of incidences in a kind manner. I have learned that ranting, while having anger within your heart, not only accomplishes nothing, but turns people against you.

Though we all do it.  We must all walk softly on each other's hearts. If we don't do so, people like this doctor, this office, hence employees, and this officer, cause human beings to approach life with this attitude.  But we must not be easily offended, as each person's definition of offensiveness is left up to their own mind.  So we must learn enough about another person, as I just stated, to walk softly on their heart, but never walk around it.  The attitude of hatred and contempt, having no love, no responsibility for what they are doing.  Having none of this for any man.  Though we are not a result of our circumstance, we make this choice on our own, of our own accord.

So in ending, I put it simply: When we are in a profession to help others, the people in need, no matter what they do, no matter what you think of them, even if they have destroyed their own health, it is the helpers' responsibility to help fix and treat the problems with their health.  It is our responsibility as human beings to support those in need as I guarantee you this, there is not a person on this earth that lives their life in sickness unrighteously.  Sickness may change people in many ways.  In many negative ways.  Real sickness, untreated, suffering to the point of torture.  I have found, with myself, that hatred is one of these emotions that comes with being mistreated.  But hatred is a powerful emotion.  It drives a person to survive.  But hatred must not lie in our heart.  What must be in our heart and never contain for ourself is love.  But if we know that an action is in the category of evil, does it come down to hating the action? Yet still loving the person.  I do not believe that we can love evil.  Love is a gift to be given and accepted.  A person who lives their life doing evil should not be given this gift because it would never be accepted, and obviously would never be given back.  So as I am slightly remiss in stating this, and I know there are few who can understand it or relate; if I am to find purpose in how I've been wronged, I must do what every man does when they have an understanding about something that no one else could.  This is how we destroy hatred, anger, vindictiveness, and everything that is entailed in the destruction and unappreciation of human life.


So whether you live your life righteously or not, we must still strive for righteousness in our actions and words as we expect this from others.  We must appreciate the people who are there for us in our personal lives, but as multimedia has consumed this world, we must appreciate those in this aspect of our life, the friends that we acquire through sites like this one.  We must share the burden.

Words can change the world.  I have found that the negativity within words need no action to destroy the world.  But words with Positivity MUST need action to better the world. And in the case of what is happening to me and others, the one thing we must give is our time.  It is the most precious thing we have for we can never get it back. But when we give it, our moment of help can allow a person to live.

So I refer to a statement that I have spoken of repeatedly: Without selfishness, there is no need to be selfish, for we will always be getting what we need.  And I add this: Without humility, we will never serve the gift of responsibility.  And without responsibility, no man will attain the gift of humility.  For that's what it is.  But with all gifts, it is a choice to accept it.  As the gift of responsibility can only be handled with the humble hands of the responsible. Take Care and God Bless.

~Joshua Jet Vaughan~

Post Script: I am so fucking profound.  So I leave you with this, sensibility is derived from a sense of humor. Not a sense of doom-er.(I mean doom)  For those who do not know me, I threw out the Fbomb for a purpose.  A word that can be used for destruction to cause pain.  A noun. A verb. An adjective. Or I can use it as I have now to emphasize a point. Of course, a humorous example of arrogance not humility.  Are you in fear of your life now?  Point made. I believe enough said. Buhbye.

Speaking through your heart to make the world a little lighter.

I have started this blog for many reasons. There is much I have to say, yet more I would love to hear. I believe everyone has a story to tell. Good and Bad. We all have a voice and we all need to be heard. Here is your chance to share and care. With and for the people of this world. Whether it's funny, sad, happy, joyful, whether you're hurt, angry. If you're need is to share your dreams, to share your heart, simply to be heard. This is the place that you can call home. We are all ordinary; it is what we do that makes us extraordinary. Whether you are famous, rich, poor, lonely: through this we will all become a family. What we must learn is simple. Our words and our actions are only as good as the heart behind them. To lead we must follow. To follow we must lead. To realize that we know everything by understanding that we know nothing. And to realize that you are perfect by understanding that we will never reach perfection. Everyone has a story to tell. Here is your chance. We are here to learn and love through the grace of God.