I wanted to share an anecdote because, while Joshua's story is filled with tragedy, our story is also filled with these moments where I stood back and just observed him in awe and wonder at the way that he acted towards others, and the way that others flocked towards him unbeknownst to themselves. He has this way of magnetically bringing people to him, and I know it's because of his heart and kindness, and the purity of his affection towards strangers that allows people who have never known him to gravitate to listen to his words. Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. Hebrews 13:2 Maybe people walk through life wonderful if they have ever encountered an angel. I, however, lie blessed as one of the few who has and knows it.
When I first met my husband, I was drawn to his eyes. Not just because they are beautiful, but also because beneath them I could see a depth and pain that I knew only I could see. While he was smiling at me, I could see that the smile was only on the surface of his soul, while a deep trial and journey laid within.
As a child, and I say a child because at 20 years old and having been through no true life experience, that is what I was, I wanted to hug away the pain in his eyes. But of course, that is not what you do, walk up to someone you don't know and hug them, but all the same that is what my heart desired.
As our meeting, and the beginning of our romance and love took off, I was seeing more and more of this amazing man who had fallen into my life and into my heart. One night we went out to dinner and then landed at a casino. Several people that I had went to high school with were there when we arrived. One of which was known as The Atheist while I was in high school. He was known for being so fervently opposed to any ideal of a deity existing that everyone just called him The Atheist. We began talking with him, about everything and anything. After a while, I had to leave to find a restroom. I was gone for perhaps 10 minutes and as I was approaching them I heard my Joshua and The Atheist speaking about God. I cringed inwardly, until I got upon them and heard no sarcasm, no deep rooted hatred in The Atheist's voice, I heard only awe and wonder at the words that Joshua was speaking. To say that I had shock running through my system would be an understatement. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I would have been less surprised to have come back to find Joshua speaking with Jesus Christ Himself, than to hear a conversation with The Atheist about God that wasn't filled with anything but condescension. When the shock finally wore off and I began to actually hear what they were saying, I heard The Atheist talking about how when he was younger he believed and then upon seeing more of life he began to lose his faith because of the trials he had been through in his life and how he had always been alone. My Joshua listened and showed a level of compassion that I had always longed to possess, but had never even seen before. You could see the care and the love in his heart and soul for this man that he had never met written across his face. I could feel it and it made my heart swell and made me love him even more, which I had not thought was possible. Even now as I write about the memory of it, it brings a tear to my eye just thinking about the love that he poured out to a stranger over the trials that he had been through, even though my Joshua's life has been filled with such a level of suffering that is beyond even my comprehension; he loves everyone and relates to everyone and empathizes with each and every person he comes across. From the moment I met Joshua he's always had this pure concern for everyone and everything around him. He gives love more freely than... I can't even now compare it to anything because it is so beyond words. It is truly something you must see and experience yourself in order to understand. It is more beautiful than the most beautiful sunrise. The Atheist could feel the genuine love coming from Joshua. I have no doubt in my mind that this is what led The Atheist to turn to God that night. He accepted Jesus Christ as his Savior, and God as his Father. The Atheist was no more, he was simply Aaron for possibly the first time in years. A burden had been lifted off his shoulders so heavy that he even stood taller, his face was lighter and looked younger, his actual age. This is only one instance of many where I saw my husband reach out with soul and spirit into the hearts, minds and souls of the people around them and heal something that we, as humans, can not see. But he does... I may not know where these people are at this moment, but I do know one thing: that their lives are better for having had Joshua in it. My life is better with Joshua in it. ~Anna Bella Vaughan
I previously wrote about the absurdity and disgusting nature with which a doctor, who had claimed to be the answer to our prayers for my husband's life, was trying to scare us out of holding him responsible for lying, breaking doctor/patient confidentiality, and whose office told us that my husband's life is not worth saving. (You can read more about that here)
But since I wrote that portion there have been updates. First, as far as my husband's health goes, the stress of this whole situation has made it so that any progress he had made while in the hospital after almost dying following a stroke and the consequential effects, have completely regressed. Now, the prosecutor in the county where the offending doctor works is pressing charges upon myself and my husband. The officer who had taken the complaint, who neither confirmed nor denied when I asked him if he knew the doctor personally, but remained silent, which he did each time he was asked this question once told that the call was being recorded, called us up just to tell us that the prosecutor had intended to pursue charges.
Let me start by saying first, that these people all work together, they see each other on an almost daily basis, and in a three day time managed to pursue and push through charges of Malicious Telephone use? Second, I will not, and will never apologize for being upset when a doctor's office who, in writing, took on the responsibility of my husband's life after almost dying after a 4th stroke at the age of 40. We are not an elderly couple who have lived a full life and now are at the point where these things are natural occurrences of life, something is seriously amiss with my husband's health, and it has been taken as a joke by the medical community for years, resulting in this heinous, and horrific journey that he has been on. Thirdly, any doctor who is willing to break doctor/patient confidentiality in order to scare, harass, and attempt to bully a former patient out of filing a medical malpractice lawsuit has more to hide than just sending a patient on their way to die. Fourthly, the prosecutor in question does not even have the authority to pursue these charges as the phone call that supposedly was so offensive was not even made to the county within which these charges are being filed. Therefore, this is all completely a waste of time and an attempt on my husband's life, as we have it recorded the doctor saying that without immediate medical attention my husband will not live. This doctor even went as far as recommending us to go to the ER immediately, saying that he would call ahead and let them know exactly what was going on, and his recommendations (which he did not do, and according to the hospital, has never done for any patient in the 13 years that that administrator had worked there.)
I have spoken to several medical professionals who have expressed to me their personal opinion that this doctor should not be practicing for reasons such as these, those who would speak at all.
This is not the first time we have gone up against a doctor that has been vindictive, it is not the first time that a doctor's office has fucked with us (Do you fear for your life now because I dropped the F-bomb?) it is, however, the first time that a doctor has had the nerve to proceed to attempt to have the law pursue us while breaking several laws.
Did you know that when doctor's get physically assaulted by a patient, most of the times they don't report it? Do you know why? It is because it would be breaking the law to report it.
In this case, however, the doctor in question has not seen either myself or my husband in person before; we have never physically been to their office, and we have only spoken on the phone, not to mention that my husband is terminally ill. So how can an alleged phone call cause a doctor to fear for his life? Either he is literally the biggest pansy on the face of the planet, or he is a liar. We have seen first hand that he is a liar. A liar who has no integrity; a liar who has no dignity or compassion or heart, and in this case one who has been given a license to dispense medication at will as not only a medical doctor, but also a pharmacy.
But all of this is just semantics and doesn't truly matter. What matters to me is that as a result of all of this bullsh*t is that my husband is lying at home dying without the proper medical care that he needs. Joshua is only 40 years old. 40! You can't capitalize numbers, but if I could I would. In what world is a 40 year old, not to mention his numerous talents and gifts, being left to die at home when simple medical care could be the difference between a full life and this half assed one.
Pardon my language in this post, to all of those who have been reading faithfully. But I don't understand. I don't understand why this is happening and I don't understand why it is happening to my husband. No man is more deserving, and not that I'm saying anyone deserves to be sick or to suffer because no one does, but no man is more deserving of compassion, or love, or empathy because no man has ever given more compassion, no man has given more love, no man has given more empathy than my husband.
We aren't 80 years old having lived a full life and are going through what happens with old age, we are a young couple who just want a chance to live the life that is there. It is there simply in good health. When has health been a gift that you have to ask for, to turn to people for? Since when, in 2015, in the United States of America has health been something you had to fight tooth and nail, and risk everything including your freedom to obtain? Why?
With all of the new legislation that has been passing this week, there has been a lot of talk about national healthcare, Obamacare, and how there should be preventative care, but how about people who have been dropkicked down into the gutter, even having good health insurance? There is not a single thing on the list of "what to do when you get sick" that my husband has not done. We have been through the list a dozen times, just since I've known him. So what? WHAT? What are we supposed to do now?
Now that hope has been taken away yet again. I don't understand it at all.
In my youth, there were many signs that I would have health issues to the degree that I have now, but were overlooked. As far as parents/family are concerned, some of the problems that I had endured throughout my young years should have been noticed and acknowledged as they were quite abnormal. But in these years, you assume these are natural occurring events. We all have aches and pains and many of us deal with some type of health issue throughout our life.
Being an All American athlete in four sports, though basketball was my passion in my youth, when I went to college, ultimately football was the sport I chose to play. When deciding a major, while attending the University of Michigan, I decided on Medicine. My minor was in theology. By the time I was attending college, the emphasis of God and Christianity was sorely lacking in this field. As I accepted Christ at the age of eight, I had had an understanding through the years of having a wonderful doctor, until he died when I was at the age of twenty two, of how faith and medicine go together.
I graduated very early from medical school. Did my residency, and practiced medicine for two years. During this time I had received a calling. That calling was and is music. I also had seen the corruption in medicine and knowing that I would make a career out of music that financially would be quite beneficial, not only to myself but to others as well; I had realized that my degree, my understanding of medicine and through the financial means that I had attained through music, I would be able to help those in need moreso than I could ever do as a personal doctor.
As I have gotten quite ill and have been mistreated throughout the years medically, it has taken away many of my gifts and normal every day activity. I have had several opportunities to sue for malpractice. My heart has always detoured me from this course of action. I have always had so much faith, I have believed that God would take care of this. As I can not understand His way of doing things, for I am not God, I left this in His hands. Throughout the years I have realized that the simple kinetic energy that builds from good words and actions snowball effects a hundred times more severely with bad words and actions.
When dealing with someone's health there comes a time where you reflect through the years and as you look back you realize that there are many occasions where you needed to stand up. And that yours and anyone else that is part of your life, is now dramatically affected by what I call passive behavior; which has taught me how to be convicted and assertive. With my life being on the line and with having a wonderful wife, who as far as the world is concerned, is very young at the age of 26, I can not let what is happening to me stand any further.
As this is now not just about me, but about my family. When people use their title to coerce, intimidate, or jeopardize a person's life, how long do we stand by and let this happen? I have seen and been through horrible circumstances that no man should ever endure, but I believe could not endure. As I try not to question, as most of my days are filled with horrible suffering, I become confused. But yet, I fight with as much patience and grace as possible.
I have always lived my life honest. Righteously. I find it interesting that in many professions and specifically the medical profession, that malpractice to the degree of the possibility of someone losing their life is less important to the law than me leaving a message stating that you are all fucking sick, damn you, and I'm going to fucking sue. Somehow, that has become more important as this doctor and their office have milked, playing the victim, more than I have ever experienced in my life.
I have seen throughout the years how title, money, clout, power, has allowed people to have a better quality of life. But this is something I have not seen my entire life. As everyone's life is worth the same. We are all human beings. We are all valuable, not only to ourselves, but each other. And our lives all contain the same value. We all need the same things as everyone else does. And health is the first. I have learned so much in my life. I have been given so much, as far as gifts, talents and opportunities. I have never been able to apply this or use these opportunities to better myself or the world the way I could if I was healthy.
I have an incredible understanding of human nature. We have all been given opportunities to better our lives and others, but do we do just that? As these opportunities are passed down from God to human hands, as people we give ourself the credit and acknowledge ourselves as the beneficiary of our own hard work. But whether we look at it as a God given gift or done simply by ourselves there is always someone that had a part to play in our life's success. But have we given the same in return? As time goes on I see less and less of this. Every man deserves health. Every man deserves help. There is room for all of us to succeed. As we should take pride, not in ourselves for how we have helped another man, but in the opportunity we have given them to succeed themselves; hence Pay It Forward.
The contradiction that comes with me is that I have seen that money, clout, etc. may have no affect on how you are treated, yes even medically, in this world. Though I am not shocked by what happens. Everytime something like this does, I can not find the ability to understand it. Ignorance is not a lack of understanding. Ignorance is a lack of responsibility to do just this: to simply understand.
To elaborate, on the story that had been told on what happened recently with the doctor and the law, the officer who had called my home based upon the message that I had left, and my wife's, that the doctor and his employees, had stated to the officer, were in fear for their lives. But who should be in fear for their life? Though my message was not threatening, other than the fact that I was going to sue, even if it were I give you this analogy: If a man is standing 100 feet from me holding a baseball bat and I threaten to harm him if he attacks me; is that a threat? As opposed to the man who is swinging the bat and hitting me, is that a threat? Or is that a specific action, as they are currently doing bodily harm to jeopardize my life? So as this doctor's actions, as with all doctors, they will put a narrative (which by the way is illegal) in my medical records, not only hurting me directly from his lack of treatment, but furthering the harm by influencing the future actions of others as colleagues always stick together. The way that people manipulate, con, and straight out lie is horrific. Taking more time on a lie to cover their butts, than even giving the thought or having the heart to care about another human being's life.
Daily we walk by as we see this happening in our world. And we stand by idly. Many times the word evil is used. Evil is often associated with television and movies. An example created in horror, derived from this media, as we all have the same conception of what evil entails. But when wrong behavior can cost another person their life, do you determine if this is ignorance derived from any basic human emotion, or do you determine that this is pure evil?
With that being said, I would like to state this. For the last ten years the number one percentage of murderers and serial killers come from one profession: The medical profession, specifically doctors. No I am not talking about medical malpractice. There are two categories I am talking about. Doctors who are so sick that they kill people while in their office or hospital overdosing them and using other means for their own pleasure to murder. Also, in the category of murdering people outside of the office or hospital.
When talking with the officer who is a foolish man at best, and obviously had no idea who he was talking to, as his words were child-like, as even though I am very ill I still have never allowed myself to be bullied or intimidated. This has never come through my sheer size and strength, especially when I was healthy, but through the gift of articulation throughout my words; which sometimes are followed by action. In this situation I have found that people use bullying to validate their importance. As something is missing in their life. So they try to intimidate to make up for their unhappiness. Their loneliness. And the empty feeling that comes from having no morality or faith in anyone or anything, especially themselves. I had told this so called officer of the law that the doctor and his employees had left several derogatory messages to me via phone/letters (which by the way makes their actions a federal offense), and as I had offered him proof, wanted nothing to do with it, as this was outside of his jurisdiction. Yes, a contradiction within itself, asked me why would a doctor's office would do something like this or leave something like this. My reply was as opposed to what or whom? As I continued to state, just because they work in the medical field does not mean they are infallible and do not live in the same moral ambiguity as the rest of the world. And because they take an oath, as the first statement in the Hippocratic oath is thou shalt not harm, when they do this, it is far more serious because of the oath than someone who is outside of the medical profession.
As far as this lowly would be officer, who is living his life passive aggressively, which does not go over on someone like me, he also had to take an oath. And the first statement in his oath is to serve and protect. Yet, I ask you whom is he serving and protecting?
We in life, do not get to choose who is more important, rather whose life is more important than anothers'. Most of us go through life judging. And many years ago I learned something. An epiphany or revelation I suppose. We may have our opinion, but we must not place judgment. Our opinion must be formed by gathering enough information, which usually comes through time and education, along with instinct and discernment, before we should come to a conclusion.
There's an old statement that is never used anymore. People used to say simply before making a decision, so that it was not rash, to sleep on it. No matter how much we know somebody, we will never be able to completely understand them, as the way they understand themselves. Though we sure like to think otherwise and believe we know what is best for others. You may be fifty years old, and even your parents do this very thing. But by doing so, people spend more time focusing on others and less on themselves. They are contradicting themselves within their own words and actions. But life is about responsibility. We must hold ourselves in contempt, and take responsibility for our own actions. Actions have always spoken louder than words.
Somehow we have gotten to the point in life that if we wrong someone so badly and back them in a corner, that when they defend themselves, we consider them to be wrong. We all live with instincts. It is called discernment. We all know the difference between right and wrong. What I have seen in my life is that people have chosen to decide what is right and wrong based upon what is right and wrong for them and them alone.
We have the right to live our life accordingly. But if our life choices negatively effect the lives of others, personally or from afar, to where their life could be altered so dramatically where they can lose their life, when will people find the humility to know that what they are doing is wrong? To change their ways and make it right?
Frankly, I have put how I feel about these types of incidences in a kind manner. I have learned that ranting, while having anger within your heart, not only accomplishes nothing, but turns people against you.
Though we all do it. We must all walk softly on each other's hearts. If we don't do so, people like this doctor, this office, hence employees, and this officer, cause human beings to approach life with this attitude. But we must not be easily offended, as each person's definition of offensiveness is left up to their own mind. So we must learn enough about another person, as I just stated, to walk softly on their heart, but never walk around it. The attitude of hatred and contempt, having no love, no responsibility for what they are doing. Having none of this for any man. Though we are not a result of our circumstance, we make this choice on our own, of our own accord.
So in ending, I put it simply: When we are in a profession to help others, the people in need, no matter what they do, no matter what you think of them, even if they have destroyed their own health, it is the helpers' responsibility to help fix and treat the problems with their health. It is our responsibility as human beings to support those in need as I guarantee you this, there is not a person on this earth that lives their life in sickness unrighteously. Sickness may change people in many ways. In many negative ways. Real sickness, untreated, suffering to the point of torture. I have found, with myself, that hatred is one of these emotions that comes with being mistreated. But hatred is a powerful emotion. It drives a person to survive. But hatred must not lie in our heart. What must be in our heart and never contain for ourself is love. But if we know that an action is in the category of evil, does it come down to hating the action? Yet still loving the person. I do not believe that we can love evil. Love is a gift to be given and accepted. A person who lives their life doing evil should not be given this gift because it would never be accepted, and obviously would never be given back. So as I am slightly remiss in stating this, and I know there are few who can understand it or relate; if I am to find purpose in how I've been wronged, I must do what every man does when they have an understanding about something that no one else could. This is how we destroy hatred, anger, vindictiveness, and everything that is entailed in the destruction and unappreciation of human life.
So whether you live your life righteously or not, we must still strive for righteousness in our actions and words as we expect this from others. We must appreciate the people who are there for us in our personal lives, but as multimedia has consumed this world, we must appreciate those in this aspect of our life, the friends that we acquire through sites like this one. We must share the burden.
Words can change the world. I have found that the negativity within words need no action to destroy the world. But words with Positivity MUST need action to better the world. And in the case of what is happening to me and others, the one thing we must give is our time. It is the most precious thing we have for we can never get it back. But when we give it, our moment of help can allow a person to live.
So I refer to a statement that I have spoken of repeatedly: Without selfishness, there is no need to be selfish, for we will always be getting what we need. And I add this: Without humility, we will never serve the gift of responsibility. And without responsibility, no man will attain the gift of humility. For that's what it is. But with all gifts, it is a choice to accept it. As the gift of responsibility can only be handled with the humble hands of the responsible. Take Care and God Bless.
~Joshua Jet Vaughan~
Post Script: I am so fucking profound. So I leave you with this, sensibility is derived from a sense of humor. Not a sense of doom-er.(I mean doom) For those who do not know me, I threw out the Fbomb for a purpose. A word that can be used for destruction to cause pain. A noun. A verb. An adjective. Or I can use it as I have now to emphasize a point. Of course, a humorous example of arrogance not humility. Are you in fear of your life now? Point made. I believe enough said. Buhbye.
When I began writing the segment "Real Life Angel" I wanted to start with an anecdote about how I have seen Joshua make a difference in the lives of others through the purity of his heart, and how simply being witness to this has made a difference in my life. But I feel the need to document this now as it has just happened...
I will be chronicling the events that took place during my husband's recent hospitalization, and what happened afterwards, however to sum it up for the purpose of this story I'll say this: We were promised a physician for him, in writing, that believed he could help. Finally a doctor who had an idea of what all of Joshua's symptoms could add up to. We were relieved and elated, finally we were going to get some answers, and hopefully, for Joshua proper treatment or a cure. After his decades of suffering, finally some peace.
Two days ago we received two letters in the mail regarding a recent appointment with this doctor. This "savior" doctor had made and cancelled a total of 14 appointments for my husband without notifying us of any of them. The first letter we received stated that the most recent appointment that they had made without our knowledge was marked as a missed appointment, but that's alright they would work with us because they understand that "Life Happens." The second letter stated that my husband could not be seen as a patient at that office due to repeated missed appointments. All of which had been made and cancelled on our behalf by the doctor himself! Without telling us! Obviously, we were outraged, furious, but most of all disappointed beyond words that this flicker of hope was snuffed out. If they had been honest in the beginning that they would do nothing, we would have been less disappointed than to be led on for two months after discharge from the hospital and could have spent this time searching for other help.
So we left a couple of voicemail messages expressing our outrage, and also to inform the doctor and his staff that we would be suing them and they could look forward to hearing from our lawyer, and a few choice expletives were added as well.
So Today, as I'm grocery shopping, I receive a call from my husband telling me that the E County Animal Control kept calling the house, and he asked if I knew why. I have no idea. Our animals are all well fed (if anything spoiled rotten with treats), well kept, no reason for anyone to call them on us, so we both thought it was nothing. So he checks the messages. This doctor's office had called in a favor to a police officer and had this friend of theirs call us to try to bully us into dropping the lawsuit by way of threat of criminal charges. Because we had used a total of three swear words between the two of us, they are pursuing charges against us for "Malicious Use of a Telecommunication Device"
Since we are taking them to court to sue for Malpractice and are pursuing criminal charges on them as well, not only are we not threatened by this bullying tactic, but it simply adds to our case since we are well within our rights to counter with our own Malicious Use of a Telecommunication Device charge since they left a message on our phone, which was obvious that they didn't hang up when they had meant to, saying "Even though we are aware that without medical treatment your husband will die, we can no longer accept his as a patient at our facility. Good luck fuckers" Obviously the F-bomb was not meant for us to hear. Amongst several other messages along the same lines.
We view this whole incident as a joke, and a failed attempt on their behalf to intimidate us out of suing them civilly for the negligence they have exhibited in my husband's treatment. It makes me sick when people abuse the law, it's bad enough when cops do it, but when doctors, who have to break doctor-patient confidentiality in order to file a police report on a patient, are simply trying to ensure my husband dies before our civil suit goes to court. They will not win.
But why is this being allowed to continue? Don't we have enough problems without this going on as well? When will people stop doing wrong, and when will someone protect patients from abusive doctors? I'm so beyond frustrating and for the past few days we have been back at square one as far as finding some answers. I thought that I had seen how low doctors would stoop to cover their asses, but I have seen a whole new low of moral and ethical destitution.
We need some help. Where's our life saver? When will we have answers? My husband gets sicker each and every passing day, and I hope and pray that someone out there has love on their heart instead of revenge or spite or pride, or arrogant ignorance, and stop placing their patients' lives at risk just because they can't admit they are wrong or don't know something. Send us our life preserver please!
You say it Grey's Anatomy! I know exactly how you feel.
Throughout the years that we have been together, I have seen my husband go through unspeakable sufferings. But each day he continues to amaze me by getting up and fighting not just for himself, but for me and for our life together.
The inhumanities that he has faced, and that we have faced together are beyond what I thought people were capable of. I don't understand why with such talent and grace that my husband possesses, why this is our journey, but I have to believe that it is for a purpose higher than my understanding.
The reason why I am writing this, is that I will be writing about Joshua and my life together. About the heartaches and trials that we have been through and survived, and the struggles that we have faced and are still going strong in our love, and Joshua in his life.
My husband is my hero, my mentor and my idol. I've never looked at someone and thought, "this is who I want to be more like" until I met Joshua. His kindness exceeds what I even hoped to become myself, and his knowledge and wisdom is so strati-spherically advanced that, at times, it borders clairvoyance, however, he simply possesses a profound understanding of human nature, the human heart and spirit, and the world.
People have turned their back on us in our struggles. And while we have many friends who have, not only stuck by our side and provided support, but lent and given their love as well; the number of those who have proven and stated that Joshua's life is worthless are so numerous I can't help thinking and feeling, "What kind of world are we living in that a price is placed upon a person's life?" And beyond a price, as in our journey money, clout, power, etc, has proven to be of no importance, but that an individual's own view of themselves and their arrogance can allow them to stand by and not only watch a good man die, but cause it.
This is some of what we have lived through. My confusion and hurt over seeing my husband sick and suffering each and every day, when there is no apparent purpose for it, while being denied by those that can and have the ability and resources to end it, is deafening to my sanity.
Over the years, we have both had moments of surrealism: how can this possibly be real? How can this possibly be continuing and how can we possibly make it through and keep fighting? As you read some of the experiences that Joshua has been through and that we have been through together; I understand how some of it seems unreal, because the feeling of "people can not possibly be that cruel" that may come over you, however, do not fear because you are not alone as Joshua and I have this feeling each and every day that we live it.
I don't understand why proper medical help has not yet come our way. The number of times that I have had to watch my husband die is so high that I lost count, and my heart aches and cries at the fear that I may have to see it again before this is over. My confusion over why God has not simply healed Joshua exponentially grows every day, and though I still have faith that that day will come, my heart and soul are weary with how much more my Joshua will have to endure before it is in God's timing.
I will be writing about our experiences from my point of view. I don't understand how this could have gone on for so long. My husband is a good man, with amazing goals and dreams not only for himself and me, but also for the world. He sees things the right way, and no matter when he speaks, even if he is met with an argumentative attitude, whomever he speaks with walks away feeling as though what he said is righteous, because it is.
I don't know when our time will come for him to receive his help, but I hope and pray it is soon because while my husband is strong, I don't know how much longer he can take this, not just the physical suffering he is enduring, but the mental, spiritual and emotional struggle that he makes as every day more and more people turn their back on him who are supposed to be the ones that are helping him make it through this.
My Joshua has too many talents, and too good of a heart for this to be his legacy. Each time I look at him I see his soul, and I miss his singing and his playing. I miss his guitar that would soar above any other sound, and his voice that transcends the singing of the angels in heaven. I miss his athletic drive and to see him doing decline crunches with 145lbs on his chest, and I miss looking away afraid that he'd drop one and it would crush his head, even though I know he's too strong for that to ever happen. I miss the pride he used to walk with, the confidence, walking tall with the conviction and strength of every cell in his body radiates.
I guess my simple question is, when will it be his turn to be healed or to have the right doctor care?
