We wanted to send well wishes to Joshua and his wife Anna as he continues to recover from his coma. We are working hard to finish the next part of your story as well as others that have been submitted. We strive to do you justice and to make you proud. Joshua you are our inspiration and light. We love you and we miss you. Please get well soon!!!
The Sounds of Heaven
Saturday, February 28, 2015
Joshua Jet Vaughan~ Stevie Ray Vaughan Style Fast/Slow Jam
My husband is a true musical phenom. I've never seen or heard of anyone with the talent and gifts that he has, not just musically but in all things. Everything he sets out to achieve he does, except when his health interferes. The first time I had heard him play was one of our very first dates. I was skeptical because, being a musician myself, I knew of how many people would say they are musicians, and could only play two chords, but the moment he began playing I was stunned. Awestruck doesn't begin to describe the amazement I felt at his skill and talent. And he can play and sing anything. It doesn't matter what genre, what song, what artist, he can play and sing with it. He has the most amazing voice that I have ever encountered. It sends chills down your spine, and flutters your heart, and makes your soul sing. The rasp and the power that he has. From the moment that he picked up the guitar he spent hours a day.
Original band, these were two guys that had played with all the greats. They were studio players. They had decided to play again, found Joshua, and sought him out. They taught him and allowed him to become the kind of person that they showed him. They gave him a chance to grow, and to grow musically in a way that he may not have been able to on his own. They supported him and encouraged him. They inspired Joshua to become the type of man that they gave him the example to be. The chance that they gave him, he in turn felt to pass along to others. He would use his endorsements and connections to sponsor Battle of the Bands for kids. He would call up and get memorabilia, watches, books, strings, and guitars. GHS strings, one of Joshua's endorsers, who had supported and endorsed Joshua since he started playing at 21 years old. Fender had donated guitars and a bass and overnighted it to them. He had a passion for reaching out to kids, working with one band for 8-10 hours a day for two weeks helping them to prepare. To learn. To grow, just like he had been given the chance.
All of the "artists" that are out there today are, frankly, crap. No one has any soul anymore, it is all manufactured on a computer, there just isn't the passion for music that used to exist. Even Miley Cyrus said, in an interview on Conan O'Brien, that "there just will never be another Elvis Presley." But there is! He's right here, and because of his health problems and his sickness stripping away opportunities for him, he hasn't had a chance to shine!
Joshua spent three and a half years in bed sick and suffering. He wasn't able to play, he wasn't able to sing or write. He wasn't able to eat or drink, and was completely alone. He had God and he had his thoughts. During this time he thought and prayed. More time than anyone has ever spent in their life. 16 hours a day he would pray. Reflecting on his life, on the things he had seen, heard and done, and the people that he had known. He thought about his music. What he couldn't do, he thought. And what he couldn't learn through doing, he willed into being. He wasn't even aware of this until he went into remission, and finally decided to go out to karaoke (the bar where we would later meet) He wasn't sure he could sing at all anymore, but when he did, he sang the way he had imagined, and that is what came out. A whole new level. His songs from his demo are from before then. He never wanted them to be heard, but then knew that if he put them out there, and especially for a cause as great and needed as aid for the homeless, than people would see, when his debut album is finally released, that people grow and change, even the greats, and that hard work, perseverance and fight can achieve your goals and dreams.
Now once his album releases, I know everything will change. My Joshua's voice and guitar and his music as a whole will change the world, the way his purpose has laid out for it to. But it is so frustrating, not just to see him not celebrated and his talent not shared with the world, but with his worsening health problems, to see him struggle with his music and at times having not been able to play or sing at all. It hurts him very badly, and he can't sing with his power and intensity because it causes him so much pain and singing. It's angering to see him struggle and work so hard at simple tasks like setting up his guitar, when I would watch him for hours tinkering, when we first met, to get that perfect sound.
It was always one take. One take and if it wasn't quite right, come back the next day, listen to it, and correct it in one take. He never made mistakes. His playing, his singing, his writing, all flawless. Now when he plays he struggles. It makes it difficult for him because his back locks up, his arms and his hands cramp, and the pain and the sickness start to overwhelm him. He stops being able to feel his music and just let it flow, to having to think about what he is playing. It's part of what separates him from every other musician out there today. The passion. The soul behind his music and his sound. How the music just flows from his soul through his heart, down his arms and into his fingers. And when he doesn't have that, he's always disappointed, because while it is still better than anything else out there, it's not him. It's not Joshua. He would get so sick that he would throw up, but he would get done, put it behind him and keep working. That had happened for years, but he could go right back into.
For those who have had the blessing of hearing him play live, they would agree that no talent has ever existed like Joshua Jet Vaughan. No one has ever had the power or rasp he has in his voice and no one has ever heard before the intensity and soul in his guitar or the heart in his lyrics. Though there are many musicians in the past that possessed this, Joshua was born with it but has always had to struggle through extreme illness and adversity to develop it; with a passion for life itself. His platform and forum was and is music. Learning from the greats that do not exist today. There are very few recordings of him, though he has paid his dues, done the hard work and played the gigs, toured the country.
The videos on the playlist below, two were from a demo that was never supposed to be released. He was going through chemo , and was in final negotiations for a record contract, after having gone over 70+ offers including Universal, Atlantic, and many others that are well known, deciding to go with Sony/Epic Records. They had heard him play live, and one song had been all it took for them to make an offer. But they needed a demo for legal purposes. They had negotiated the signing bonus, how many albums would be involved, and Joshua insisted on owning his masters. The songs Red House and Come Together were from this roughly recorded demo. He had gone in and played all the instruments himself, and added vocals. He's always been disappointed in it, because he was so sick from the chemotherapy treatments that they do not do him, his skill, his talent, his guitar or his voice justice.
The SRV Fast/Slow Blues jam was recorded on my smartphone during a warm up/sound check during a recording session a few weeks ago. He was just fiddling around trying to get his sound down, and I secretly recorded him and posted it on Youtube because he is so great.
The Drivin South Cover of SRV is of a concert we did back when we first met in 2009 that a tech had recorded. We had just begun playing together, and Joshua had taught me the bass. It was about two months of teaching, a week of rehearsals, before we landed this gig. At the time Joshua was only about 35% better. Though the guitar was a little harder because of the intensity that he would play with, it would cause him to become ill, playing very large strings. Very thick and powerful sound. There still was an extreme struggle for Joshua because while the emotion and passion was flowing through his body, so was the pain and sickness. His mind still wasn't as sharp, and his fingers were not as articulate, so even though, still not being up to par, his sheer will and passion won out.We had no idea that this recording was even out there until Joshua's cousin/our drummer posted it on Youtube a few weeks ago.
I can not wait for my husband's album to come out. 90% of his upcoming debut album was recorded when he was in remission. The album will be a 2 disc cd, with songs from his upcoming movie about his life that has already been green lit. On one disc is the soundtrack and Joshua was to star in it before he got too sick again. The other disc are mostly originals and a few covers of his true passion the blues. For the world to see his talent, his skill, his passion, his soul, the intensity of his guitar, the power and rasp in his voice. Everything from his inflections that he uses, to the words that he writes, to the melodies he sings, to the phrasing, the legato, the scat talk, the ringing of his high notes, the rumbling of his low notes, the soaring of his guitar. Joshua believes that one great song can change the world, and I know when Joshua's album comes out, the world will never be the same. With the struggles and the fight that he's been through and is going through, when the day comes that he is healed by God's hand, I will rejoice, and the whole world will rejoice with me. My husband is too important and has too much to give, too much love to give for his life to have been in vain. My Joshua believes to live your life in love. Love is the way to righteousness and the right way to live. Music is just one of many ways to change the world. For Joshua it's his way and God's way.
On a side note: My husband has always said that your words and your actions are only as good as the heart behind them. We all have the ability to make this world a better place. We all have our gifts. In today's world, many people believe that they are not enough. We must take pride and have dignity in what we do. There are no little people. There are no celebrities, everyone's life deserves to be celebrated. Everyone has something to say. And everyone deserves to be heard. We must stand firmly on our platform and those who have a voice and a forum must help those who don't. Whether you work construction or in a factory, or you're an actor or a musician, the lives you touch matter. We're all just people. We don't live by title or fame or fortune, but we can use these gifts as a way to reach out. From a person who just gives you a nod and a smile, that brightens and lifts up your day. Joshua always says I am a fan of no man. I am not a respecter of man. To me it is their words that are followed by actions and it shows their heart. But we all live through the same spirit. Growing up in the world, in a family with fame and money, he had seen the destruction it can cause. Or the foundation that it can build. No matter who you are in this world, you don't get to where you are meant to be (where you want to be) by yourself. Pointing out to me and others many times, stories of individuals that have made this world a better place. Recently he had been speaking of Nelson Mandela. Or Rubin "Hurricane" Carter. Each of them had went through sufferings. Yet, without the people to support them, they never would have made it through. Just a handful of people. To where they had been inspired so much to continue fighting for their own lives that when they finally had justice; it inspired them to fight for other people's lives. Jesus is our greatest example of this. He had his twelve disciples. It is never just us. One person's love. One person's sacrifice can change the world for the better for 7 billion. All we need is grace and patience. We must not separate ourselves from each other. We must look at how we act. We must understand that we can destroy lives or better them. Sometimes just by one word. One look. One gesture. It is disconcerning to my husband as people live their life as right fighters, not righteous fighters. Wanting to tear down instead of build up. He has spent his life alone. Always believing in himself no matter what. And no matter how hard he worked, no matter how much talent he was given by God, just a handful of people have helped him to push forward. As my husband has recently become more ill, something I feel that I should relay for him. When speaking of his music that has just been posted, knowing that it is not a percent of what he is capable of. He bears no shame with what he was going through at the time, and what he is going through, he did his best. He does not subscribe to the word try. He just does. That's what we all must do. We will fail, but the more times we fail, the more chances we have to succeed. We must take that opportunity to learn and grow. We must hold on to each other and must take the time for each other. Encourage. The world has so much to offer us, but we have more to offer the world. We just must realize that we are not alone in it. We must know who we are in Christ. We must help others. And accept them. Allow them to grow at the rate that is meant for them. Do not look through rose colored glasses. Our strength and our grace is a gift, but we must work for it. Striving for conviction and righteousness, and as Joshua often says, as we already all know this, this is derived from truth, and love. Because there is no greater truth than love. Embrace your flaws. So that you can be great. But always remember that the person to the left and right of you, the person that's behind you or ahead of you are just as important. For the people to the right and left are walking along side of you. The person behind you is striving to find their way, as you are leading, the person in front of you, you are following because they have made their way. But it is never ending. Understanding that to lead you must follow and to follow you must lead. And I feel that it is necessary to put one of my husband's humorous rants. Always stating that social media is such an opportunity to share and care. Though he embraces the world of celebrity for the opportunity it provides, not just for himself but for others, oh the things that we could do. But often ranting about Twitter. Having millions of followers and never reaching out to one of them, saying do these people not understand that without these followers, their support system, not their fans, their friends, they wouldn't be in the place that they are in today. If they don't buy your albums or movie tickets, you have no career. When dealing with movies, there are so many people involved, but only a few get the credit. It is no different than the man who makes your car. That takes pride in his work, that works 18 hours a day to keep you safe. And without that man, you'd be walking everywhere. Joshua talks of music as an absolute, though many people have a part to play in it, you are your own writer, director, actor, manufacturer. It is a gift that suits my husband perfectly. Often ranting, and how I love his rants, about Youtube. Youtube is a wonderful forum. But it is lacking in platform. Joshua grew up in a world that you had to work hard, you had to pay your dues. You earned respect and you became accomplished by these means, but also by the relationships that you had built along the way. To use Youtube to share. An opportunity that many take for granted. Screaming out look at me! As he would often say about the musician who would play in his garage hoping that an A&R rep would drive by and offer a record deal. It's not the views that matter. If you have something to say, it's the people that you touch. But it is great in many other ways. It is a great form of entertainment. It can lift us up. Everybody wants to be a Rockstar. How about just wanting to be yourself and when you are true to yourself the truth shines through to others. Everybody wants their every word and thought to be heard. On Twitter. On Facebook. Being able to comment to each other, but it's always so full of hate. Never understanding the dislike button on Youtube. Hiding behind a thumbs down. Saying don't dislike it, just don't watch it, and keep it to yourself. A way of hiding behind yourself to hurt someone else. Of course, being a musician he is mainly talking about music, He loves so much that he doesn't understand arrogance. Watching one of his friends on a talk show who believes that he should be paid because without him face book would not be where it is today. Stating, no, without the 90+ million friends you have a face book, you would not be where you are today. But as always full of joy for the success that each person reaches. Knowing that their heart longs for the same things that every man, every woman and every living being longs for. To use these social media tools , not for greatness, but to do something great with them for others. To share and care. When I listen to my husband I understand his passion for music. A song, a note, that can strike up and bring attention to every emotion we feel. But hide them. Which has brought back my passion for it. As everyday he inspires me, as I am a classically trained pianist, always telling me I have the voice of an angel, saying it does not matter how good of a teacher I am, it's how good of a student you are. Capable of learning the bass and playing a very complex song and a multitude of songs in a two month period. The willingness to learn will give you the opportunity to teach. How he dreams of waiting for us to be healed as we have our band Joshua Jet Vaughan and the Voice of God, we have our duo Mr. and Mrs. Smith. we have our record company GTRecords, how we fight and pray for the day that he is healed. He has so many ideas and all he needs is his health to put them into action as he is always fully committed and convicted. This is God's plan. And when that day comes we will rejoice. As will the world. For on that day it will be changed for the better forever. Amen!
~Anna Bella Vaughan~
Original band, these were two guys that had played with all the greats. They were studio players. They had decided to play again, found Joshua, and sought him out. They taught him and allowed him to become the kind of person that they showed him. They gave him a chance to grow, and to grow musically in a way that he may not have been able to on his own. They supported him and encouraged him. They inspired Joshua to become the type of man that they gave him the example to be. The chance that they gave him, he in turn felt to pass along to others. He would use his endorsements and connections to sponsor Battle of the Bands for kids. He would call up and get memorabilia, watches, books, strings, and guitars. GHS strings, one of Joshua's endorsers, who had supported and endorsed Joshua since he started playing at 21 years old. Fender had donated guitars and a bass and overnighted it to them. He had a passion for reaching out to kids, working with one band for 8-10 hours a day for two weeks helping them to prepare. To learn. To grow, just like he had been given the chance.
All of the "artists" that are out there today are, frankly, crap. No one has any soul anymore, it is all manufactured on a computer, there just isn't the passion for music that used to exist. Even Miley Cyrus said, in an interview on Conan O'Brien, that "there just will never be another Elvis Presley." But there is! He's right here, and because of his health problems and his sickness stripping away opportunities for him, he hasn't had a chance to shine!
Joshua spent three and a half years in bed sick and suffering. He wasn't able to play, he wasn't able to sing or write. He wasn't able to eat or drink, and was completely alone. He had God and he had his thoughts. During this time he thought and prayed. More time than anyone has ever spent in their life. 16 hours a day he would pray. Reflecting on his life, on the things he had seen, heard and done, and the people that he had known. He thought about his music. What he couldn't do, he thought. And what he couldn't learn through doing, he willed into being. He wasn't even aware of this until he went into remission, and finally decided to go out to karaoke (the bar where we would later meet) He wasn't sure he could sing at all anymore, but when he did, he sang the way he had imagined, and that is what came out. A whole new level. His songs from his demo are from before then. He never wanted them to be heard, but then knew that if he put them out there, and especially for a cause as great and needed as aid for the homeless, than people would see, when his debut album is finally released, that people grow and change, even the greats, and that hard work, perseverance and fight can achieve your goals and dreams.
Now once his album releases, I know everything will change. My Joshua's voice and guitar and his music as a whole will change the world, the way his purpose has laid out for it to. But it is so frustrating, not just to see him not celebrated and his talent not shared with the world, but with his worsening health problems, to see him struggle with his music and at times having not been able to play or sing at all. It hurts him very badly, and he can't sing with his power and intensity because it causes him so much pain and singing. It's angering to see him struggle and work so hard at simple tasks like setting up his guitar, when I would watch him for hours tinkering, when we first met, to get that perfect sound.
It was always one take. One take and if it wasn't quite right, come back the next day, listen to it, and correct it in one take. He never made mistakes. His playing, his singing, his writing, all flawless. Now when he plays he struggles. It makes it difficult for him because his back locks up, his arms and his hands cramp, and the pain and the sickness start to overwhelm him. He stops being able to feel his music and just let it flow, to having to think about what he is playing. It's part of what separates him from every other musician out there today. The passion. The soul behind his music and his sound. How the music just flows from his soul through his heart, down his arms and into his fingers. And when he doesn't have that, he's always disappointed, because while it is still better than anything else out there, it's not him. It's not Joshua. He would get so sick that he would throw up, but he would get done, put it behind him and keep working. That had happened for years, but he could go right back into.
For those who have had the blessing of hearing him play live, they would agree that no talent has ever existed like Joshua Jet Vaughan. No one has ever had the power or rasp he has in his voice and no one has ever heard before the intensity and soul in his guitar or the heart in his lyrics. Though there are many musicians in the past that possessed this, Joshua was born with it but has always had to struggle through extreme illness and adversity to develop it; with a passion for life itself. His platform and forum was and is music. Learning from the greats that do not exist today. There are very few recordings of him, though he has paid his dues, done the hard work and played the gigs, toured the country.
The videos on the playlist below, two were from a demo that was never supposed to be released. He was going through chemo , and was in final negotiations for a record contract, after having gone over 70+ offers including Universal, Atlantic, and many others that are well known, deciding to go with Sony/Epic Records. They had heard him play live, and one song had been all it took for them to make an offer. But they needed a demo for legal purposes. They had negotiated the signing bonus, how many albums would be involved, and Joshua insisted on owning his masters. The songs Red House and Come Together were from this roughly recorded demo. He had gone in and played all the instruments himself, and added vocals. He's always been disappointed in it, because he was so sick from the chemotherapy treatments that they do not do him, his skill, his talent, his guitar or his voice justice.
The SRV Fast/Slow Blues jam was recorded on my smartphone during a warm up/sound check during a recording session a few weeks ago. He was just fiddling around trying to get his sound down, and I secretly recorded him and posted it on Youtube because he is so great.
The Drivin South Cover of SRV is of a concert we did back when we first met in 2009 that a tech had recorded. We had just begun playing together, and Joshua had taught me the bass. It was about two months of teaching, a week of rehearsals, before we landed this gig. At the time Joshua was only about 35% better. Though the guitar was a little harder because of the intensity that he would play with, it would cause him to become ill, playing very large strings. Very thick and powerful sound. There still was an extreme struggle for Joshua because while the emotion and passion was flowing through his body, so was the pain and sickness. His mind still wasn't as sharp, and his fingers were not as articulate, so even though, still not being up to par, his sheer will and passion won out.We had no idea that this recording was even out there until Joshua's cousin/our drummer posted it on Youtube a few weeks ago.
I can not wait for my husband's album to come out. 90% of his upcoming debut album was recorded when he was in remission. The album will be a 2 disc cd, with songs from his upcoming movie about his life that has already been green lit. On one disc is the soundtrack and Joshua was to star in it before he got too sick again. The other disc are mostly originals and a few covers of his true passion the blues. For the world to see his talent, his skill, his passion, his soul, the intensity of his guitar, the power and rasp in his voice. Everything from his inflections that he uses, to the words that he writes, to the melodies he sings, to the phrasing, the legato, the scat talk, the ringing of his high notes, the rumbling of his low notes, the soaring of his guitar. Joshua believes that one great song can change the world, and I know when Joshua's album comes out, the world will never be the same. With the struggles and the fight that he's been through and is going through, when the day comes that he is healed by God's hand, I will rejoice, and the whole world will rejoice with me. My husband is too important and has too much to give, too much love to give for his life to have been in vain. My Joshua believes to live your life in love. Love is the way to righteousness and the right way to live. Music is just one of many ways to change the world. For Joshua it's his way and God's way.
On a side note: My husband has always said that your words and your actions are only as good as the heart behind them. We all have the ability to make this world a better place. We all have our gifts. In today's world, many people believe that they are not enough. We must take pride and have dignity in what we do. There are no little people. There are no celebrities, everyone's life deserves to be celebrated. Everyone has something to say. And everyone deserves to be heard. We must stand firmly on our platform and those who have a voice and a forum must help those who don't. Whether you work construction or in a factory, or you're an actor or a musician, the lives you touch matter. We're all just people. We don't live by title or fame or fortune, but we can use these gifts as a way to reach out. From a person who just gives you a nod and a smile, that brightens and lifts up your day. Joshua always says I am a fan of no man. I am not a respecter of man. To me it is their words that are followed by actions and it shows their heart. But we all live through the same spirit. Growing up in the world, in a family with fame and money, he had seen the destruction it can cause. Or the foundation that it can build. No matter who you are in this world, you don't get to where you are meant to be (where you want to be) by yourself. Pointing out to me and others many times, stories of individuals that have made this world a better place. Recently he had been speaking of Nelson Mandela. Or Rubin "Hurricane" Carter. Each of them had went through sufferings. Yet, without the people to support them, they never would have made it through. Just a handful of people. To where they had been inspired so much to continue fighting for their own lives that when they finally had justice; it inspired them to fight for other people's lives. Jesus is our greatest example of this. He had his twelve disciples. It is never just us. One person's love. One person's sacrifice can change the world for the better for 7 billion. All we need is grace and patience. We must not separate ourselves from each other. We must look at how we act. We must understand that we can destroy lives or better them. Sometimes just by one word. One look. One gesture. It is disconcerning to my husband as people live their life as right fighters, not righteous fighters. Wanting to tear down instead of build up. He has spent his life alone. Always believing in himself no matter what. And no matter how hard he worked, no matter how much talent he was given by God, just a handful of people have helped him to push forward. As my husband has recently become more ill, something I feel that I should relay for him. When speaking of his music that has just been posted, knowing that it is not a percent of what he is capable of. He bears no shame with what he was going through at the time, and what he is going through, he did his best. He does not subscribe to the word try. He just does. That's what we all must do. We will fail, but the more times we fail, the more chances we have to succeed. We must take that opportunity to learn and grow. We must hold on to each other and must take the time for each other. Encourage. The world has so much to offer us, but we have more to offer the world. We just must realize that we are not alone in it. We must know who we are in Christ. We must help others. And accept them. Allow them to grow at the rate that is meant for them. Do not look through rose colored glasses. Our strength and our grace is a gift, but we must work for it. Striving for conviction and righteousness, and as Joshua often says, as we already all know this, this is derived from truth, and love. Because there is no greater truth than love. Embrace your flaws. So that you can be great. But always remember that the person to the left and right of you, the person that's behind you or ahead of you are just as important. For the people to the right and left are walking along side of you. The person behind you is striving to find their way, as you are leading, the person in front of you, you are following because they have made their way. But it is never ending. Understanding that to lead you must follow and to follow you must lead. And I feel that it is necessary to put one of my husband's humorous rants. Always stating that social media is such an opportunity to share and care. Though he embraces the world of celebrity for the opportunity it provides, not just for himself but for others, oh the things that we could do. But often ranting about Twitter. Having millions of followers and never reaching out to one of them, saying do these people not understand that without these followers, their support system, not their fans, their friends, they wouldn't be in the place that they are in today. If they don't buy your albums or movie tickets, you have no career. When dealing with movies, there are so many people involved, but only a few get the credit. It is no different than the man who makes your car. That takes pride in his work, that works 18 hours a day to keep you safe. And without that man, you'd be walking everywhere. Joshua talks of music as an absolute, though many people have a part to play in it, you are your own writer, director, actor, manufacturer. It is a gift that suits my husband perfectly. Often ranting, and how I love his rants, about Youtube. Youtube is a wonderful forum. But it is lacking in platform. Joshua grew up in a world that you had to work hard, you had to pay your dues. You earned respect and you became accomplished by these means, but also by the relationships that you had built along the way. To use Youtube to share. An opportunity that many take for granted. Screaming out look at me! As he would often say about the musician who would play in his garage hoping that an A&R rep would drive by and offer a record deal. It's not the views that matter. If you have something to say, it's the people that you touch. But it is great in many other ways. It is a great form of entertainment. It can lift us up. Everybody wants to be a Rockstar. How about just wanting to be yourself and when you are true to yourself the truth shines through to others. Everybody wants their every word and thought to be heard. On Twitter. On Facebook. Being able to comment to each other, but it's always so full of hate. Never understanding the dislike button on Youtube. Hiding behind a thumbs down. Saying don't dislike it, just don't watch it, and keep it to yourself. A way of hiding behind yourself to hurt someone else. Of course, being a musician he is mainly talking about music, He loves so much that he doesn't understand arrogance. Watching one of his friends on a talk show who believes that he should be paid because without him face book would not be where it is today. Stating, no, without the 90+ million friends you have a face book, you would not be where you are today. But as always full of joy for the success that each person reaches. Knowing that their heart longs for the same things that every man, every woman and every living being longs for. To use these social media tools , not for greatness, but to do something great with them for others. To share and care. When I listen to my husband I understand his passion for music. A song, a note, that can strike up and bring attention to every emotion we feel. But hide them. Which has brought back my passion for it. As everyday he inspires me, as I am a classically trained pianist, always telling me I have the voice of an angel, saying it does not matter how good of a teacher I am, it's how good of a student you are. Capable of learning the bass and playing a very complex song and a multitude of songs in a two month period. The willingness to learn will give you the opportunity to teach. How he dreams of waiting for us to be healed as we have our band Joshua Jet Vaughan and the Voice of God, we have our duo Mr. and Mrs. Smith. we have our record company GTRecords, how we fight and pray for the day that he is healed. He has so many ideas and all he needs is his health to put them into action as he is always fully committed and convicted. This is God's plan. And when that day comes we will rejoice. As will the world. For on that day it will be changed for the better forever. Amen!
~Anna Bella Vaughan~
The Source of my Hope ~In the Words of Anna Bella Vaughan
While I was a child, I was constantly searching for answers. I went to church, I believed, sort of. But I was lost. I heard John 3:16 (For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him shall not perish, but shall live eternally.) and I heard Psalm 3:5 (Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.) but didn't understand them. I got lost in the constant struggle of, "How can I trust in God, when the more I ask this, the more I'm not trusting in Him, and the vicious cycle keeps going." I didn't truly understand faith. I always felt that God was real, but I wasn't certain. I spoke like a good Christian girl should, but I didn't listen to the discernment of the Spirit, and if I'm honest I still have difficulty. I justified my faith instead of being convicted and standing for it. My favorite bible verse has always been 1 Peter 3:15. It perfectly explains the answers I was searching for, and I feel as though it is one of the most disregarded verses of the bible. Christians are constantly telling non-believers, and even fellow Christians that they are condemned for not having enough faith. But 1 Peter 3:15 tells us "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect."
No one ever has an answer for the people who come to question God. People give judgment instead of answers for their hope, because it isn't based upon faith, it is based upon the word of man instead of the Word of God. Love is without reason, but you can not have love without reason.
I had no hope. I would quote 1 Peter 3:15 to people constantly, begging them give me a reason to hope. The way I saw the world was bleak. I was alone. I had no one. I was barely scraping by. I ate perhaps once a day at most, because I couldn't afford to eat more. I had no one to help me financially or otherwise, and often I would give my last dollar to feed my Big Brothers/ Big Sisters Little Sister who came from a family of 7 children, so they had even less than I did. I was losing my faith a little more each day, though I felt there was a higher power, I had stopped listening for God, and stopped hoping that He would forgive me.
Then I met Joshua.
The first conversation we had on the phone, when we first met, Joshua had called me. I answered the phone and he had asked me whether or not he should call me Anna or Bella (because I went by Bella at the karaoke bar where we met. For more details please read here.) I had told him to call me Anna. I asked him if he preferred Josh or Joshua. He said to me that usually it doesn't matter, but from the woman he loves, from the woman he is going to marry and spend the rest of his life with, the woman he wants to make love with and have a family with, he wants her to call him Joshua. I have called him Joshua every day since. My heart swelled, and I teared up a little for the first time I could remember, from joy. I said, Then I guess I'll call you Joshua.
I was living with two roommates who were dealing drugs out of the home I was living in, but to me it was preferable to the verbal and physical abuse of moving back with my family that I had been raised in. I was drowning. I was spending more money than I was making, on my bills, on my Little Sister, on my friends. I was always the one that people turned to for everything and would give up my last dollar, and even took out loans at times to help out someone else. But I was so empty inside that I felt if I did enough good, perhaps that would fill the hole that was in my soul. Any money I would spend on food, my room mates or their druggie friends would eat.
From the moment we met Joshua took care of me, all my needs; physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. He provided me with food. He made sure I drank water and stayed hydrated. He taught me how to take care of myself. I had worn myself thin, and he showed me that I could do more if I took the time to take care of me also. I was living off of Red Bull and coffee, up to 30 pots a day, yes pots not cups. I would have up to 8 cups of coffee in my office at a time and I would empty them about twice an hour. Occasionally I would eat at work if there was a nice cook that night, and we'd write it off as food cost, but mostly I ate nothing. Joshua brought groceries to my house, but of course they would be gone by the time we went to eat them. So he took me out to restaurants. He brought me meals to my work. Joshua made sure that I had food and ate it too. He put clothes on my back. I had two outfits and a weeks worth of underclothes before I met him and that was about it. The rest were a mismatch of things that I had inherited from family as far back as the age of 10. He taught me that things like food, drink, clothes are a need. I had spent my life thinking that if I was still physically alive, then I didn't need it, but I was dying inside the whole time, spiritually, and physically my health was nothing before I met Joshua. He helped provide for me so that I could take care of the people that were important to me. I would spend so much of my money on other people, that my bills would falter. Joshua would give me money to pay my bills, even paying my rent for me, and he would help me buy food and clothes for my Little Sister because it was important to me, so it was important to him. He helped me take care of my friends. I took pride in being the person that everyone came to fix their problems, and I took pride in the fact that Joshua and I had that in common. He didn't want me to bear that financial and emotional burden alone any more. But he knew how much I valued that, and helped me because of his love for me.
The situation at the house I lived at was getting worse. 24/7 there were parties going on. There was a house right next door, and we jokingly called the two houses "the quad" because it was like a college campus where drinking and partying was the only choice. But you couldn't sleep from the noise. I had always blared my television, just to drown out the noise from the people screaming and laughing from downstairs. Joshua would come to my home and stay the night with me, getting no sleep himself, but whenever he was there I could sleep peacefully because he made me feel so safe. Joshua wanted to get me out of that house. But he knew and was wise enough to wait until I was ready. I wanted out. I didn't like the party life. I had lived there and partied with them because I thought that that was what was missing in my life. I felt as though the part of me that is abnormal and disconnected from this life was because I wasn't genuinely interested in the things that someone my age is. So I drank. I tried drugs. I was promiscuous. But every day the gap in my soul grew larger and larger. My every day was filled with lies; and the darkness grew around me and I welcomed it. I welcomed the coldness in my heart and soul. Joshua kept me from drowning. Each time I would see him, see his smile or hear his voice, it was as though the darkness was kept at bay.
The first time Joshua told me he loved me, we were lying in my bed facing each other. He held me close and said to me, "I know you will never love me as much as I love you, but I will love you enough for the both of us. And maybe one day, if you can chisel some of the ice off of your heart, you will learn to love me." I cried. I cried from joy and from sorrow that I couldn't reach in, like my novels, and have him feel what I was feeling. That I was already in love with him, but too scared to tell him, because I was afraid that one day he wouldn't be there.
I asked him once, why are you doing this? Why are you taking care of me? He told me because I love you, and I want you to be healthy and happy and joyful. This is for our life, the life I want us to build together. I need a partner by my side, you can't be my partner if you are hungry, if you are thirsty, if your heart or soul hurts. Then he told me that two weeks before we met he had prayed. Joshua had been abandoned by everyone in his life for three and a half years. At the time of his prayer for a wife, he had only been out and amongst people, rehabilitating his body for a couple months. Most people get cabin fever if they have a cold for a few days, but he spent three and a half years, completely alone, with no one and nothing but sickness and God. He prayed to God and said he was ready. He was ready to be with the woman he would marry, he was ready for the love of his life. The woman that he would have children with and build a life with. He asked that she be a musician, so that he could play music with her. It had been revealed to him years before that he would marry an Asian woman. He asked God, please Lord, if it be your will. Let her approach me. I've been alone so long, I don't know if I can approach her. And two weeks after he said this prayer he met me. At the same time Joshua prayed for me, I had prayed as well. I had hidden so far behind the facade I had built around me of who I was that I felt trapped and hopeless. I prayed, as I never did at the time, just two words. Save me. The night I met Joshua, I had planned on killing myself. After going through my routine of going out with the people I had surrounded myself with, I had planned to go home, take a bottle of aspirin and cut my wrists. But that night I met Joshua. And for the first time, I saw a life for myself. One outside of the evil ways that I had lived. One outside of the wickedness I have spent my life in trying anything just to find what Joshua has always given me. Love.
When he was led to offer to me to live with him, I jumped at it. I wanted out of the life I was living. I wanted him and the fairy tale life he was offering me (family, love, comfort, safety, peace, joy.) And though I was afraid to take the gift he was giving me, I leaped. My roommates were not going to let me come back to get my possessions. So Joshua came with me. They had even called the police. Joshua actually made friends with two of them because they saw what was going on in the house, and he helped me to pack up my things and move them, the police even helped us. My roommates were quickly trying to move the drugs out of the house and hide them, but we all saw. As there are a multitude of different pictures of Joshua throughout his time going up and down in size, building his bod from nothing, showing me that everything was possible. My Joshua, at 6'3.5", 270+lbs, with not an ounce of fat on him. While being threatened by these few so called men, who could have easily used violence to settle this situation, used his words. Teaching me right then and there, no matter what, to not have fear, for it is not an option for him and to live my life in conviction and righteousness. Understanding what it meant to be a real man, as I thought I had known that from the people I had been around. And as my Joshua would always tell me, as I looked at myself the same way they did, wanting to put on the illusion that I was a woman, not a girl. That I was tough, and got in fights and that that was cool. My Joshua would always tell me that it's the conviction through the Spirit, and as I would degrade myself, Joshua would always call me a lady, and when I said, I'm not a lady, he said, oh you are definitely a lady. He said that's what I prayed for and that's what I received. And no matter how I tried to sabotage myself and our relationship, Joshua wouldn't let me. Enduring the threats during the time of moving, from multiple people, we just went about our business and packed up my belongings. And as we left, I was elated, full of joy, and finally at peace. I was finally safe. I felt as though I were a thousand pounds lighter and that anything was possible. He was relieved to have me out of that lifestyle, and I was relieved to have that safe haven, where I could wake up to him every morning.
Often he would wake me up at 5:30am, say that he was going to the gym and he would like me to come. I'd groan and say no, and he'd say, okay, well I'm going to jump in the shower and get ready, I think that you should join me. By the time he was halfway through his shower I would be in there with him, and he would spit water in my face to wake me up and make me laugh. He fights so hard for his life, but he fights so hard for me. Everything I never let myself dream about, because I never thought it would be possible for me, he made come true. When he told me everything would be alright, he didn't just say it, he would make sure it was. When I fought with my family, he would hold me and comfort me and then talk to them and tell them that the way they were treating me wasn't right. When I would hurt myself, he would ask me why? Why would you want to do yourself harm? He would tell me I'm beautiful. He would tell me that no matter what you do, I know what you are doing. And in typical Joshua fashion, what some people may call arrogance, it is not it is conviction. He would say playfully, you can't outsmart me, you will never be wiser than me, you can't play your games with me or manipulate me because I will not fall for them, and then he would follow that with because I see your heart. But what you can do is just love me. And the point being, and it took me years to understand and appreciate, is that he wanted me to believe in myself. To accept who I was and who I am. He wasn't trying to degrade me. He wanted me to fight for myself. Also, it took me a little while to understand, but he said, "You don't need to impress me." As he would always say I'm not going to fall for these tricks because I already fell for you. Telling me everyday that no one is infallible. And that your flaws are just as important as your perfections.That I fell for them all. I love all of them or you wouldn't be you. He would tell me that he knows me better than I know myself, and back it up.
There was one time when we were just talking and joking around. We had seen a commercial on tv that involved mind reading, and I joked to him I'm thinking of a 6 digit number, can you read my mind? He had said write it down. I couldn't find a piece of paper quick enough, so I grabbed a pen and wrote it on my hand. And he said back 624,398. I just gaped at him, because it was. He looked at me and said, What? I said how did you do that? He said Seriously? I said yes!! and showed him my hand. At first he played it off and said of course I knew, because we're connected. But a few seconds later he was in shock because we truly were feeling the same thing, thinking the same thing, and truly connected. Then we both started cracking up in joy.
He taught me how to work out, to lift weights. I was afraid of the myth that I would bulk up and end up looking like some kind of man/girl. Joshua taught me how to lift correctly so that I would just lean down and build muscle, become stronger and healthier. We would go buy groceries together, and make dinner together. I would eat 6-7 times a day, more than I had in my life, and he would eat 10 times a day. But I lost weight! I lost fat! I lost about 50lbs of fat and put on 25 lbs of muscle. My body was tight. I felt good. My clothes fit, he had to go buy me new clothes, again, and he taught me to take care of myself, bathing several times a day (when I had become too depressed to care before) and eating right. He cut my hair for me. And while I had been mostly a tomboy, my hair was the one thing I was always finicky about. I had had two people ever cut my hair before, and hadn't trusted anyone else to, but I knew he would cut it exactly how I wanted it. At that point he had been cutting hair for 20 years. Guys, girls, from his sports teams. But also, we were so connected, I didn't even have to tell him how I wanted it, I knew he already knew. While I knew the basics of cooking, I didn't excel in much. But he loved my spaghetti. I would make a vat of it, and when I say vat, I mean a vat. He could eat 5lbs of spaghetti and 5lbs of meatballs in one sitting and still be hungry. Watching him eat was like watching a tv show, because I had no idea where he put it all. I used to tug on his leg and make an old joke I had heard my grandparents say while I was growing up. I'd say to him, where's your hollow leg? I know it's here somewhere. And he would say I have three of them. There's enough room for all this food plus some. He would never make sexual innuendos before he met me, because our love made him feel free to be himself too. But it was always meant to be with that one person, and it was me. It is us.
We would sit and watch Gilmore Girls. It was my favorite show at the time. Though it was already off the air, I had four of the seasons on DVD. At first he didn't want to watch it because he thought it was a girly show, and I didn't want him to watch it because I had stolen so many lines from it and claimed them as my own wit, but I got him hooked on it. The first time one of my stolen lines came up, I was so embarrassed, but he told me, "That's okay. Everybody has done it." Then he went out and bought me the three seasons that I didn't have. We would watch the show over and over. I had almost all of the lines memorized by then, but watching it with him was like watching it fresh. For anyone not familiar with the show, they make pop culture references every other line, some of them very obscure, but Joshua knew them all. He would teach me what each of them meant, what it was referring to, and why. He introduced me to music that I hadn't heard before, even from the greats that I had heard of like Elton John, Michael Jackson, John Lee Hooker, Aerosmith, Tom Jones and John Cafferty. He would play me rap from when he was in high school like O.P.P. by Naughty by Nature and Tricky by Run DMC. Some songs that I had heard before, but many I hadn't. He would joke that my parents should be ashamed of themselves for not culturing me properly, and that was what we would refer to it as. His culturing me.
We would spend hours talking about God, and about faith. He would interrupt our conversations often because he heard God speaking. I envied him. I envied Him. Joshua would say often that God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit will always be first in his life, but I am first after them. Childishly and foolishly I not only envied him of this relationship with God, but resented him for not wanting me to be first. I told him so, I would throw in his face that I wanted to be first in his life. And he would patiently say to me You are not arrogant Anna. Think about what you are saying. Do you believe you are greater than God? It is my love of God, and Christ, and the Holy Spirit that allows me to love you unconditionally the way I do. I said that I understood, but I didn't. I have hurt him because of my lack of understanding in his closeness with God, and the longer he is sick and the worse he gets, the more ashamed I am for having ever had these wicked thoughts and feelings. Joshua's relationship with God is more beautiful than the most beautiful poem, the most touching song, and the most inspirational painting. It was a true relationship and I am blessed to have been a witness to it. Joshua would always tell me, don't listen to a man because he stands behind a pulpit. Listen to the Spirit, because no man is greater than another. Though being a Christian, Joshua would always state about the judgment that Christians would place on others. And he summed it up very simply. God created us all. He knew us before we were born, down to every hair on our head. So who you are is who you were meant to be. There's no judgment to be placed. People choose to listen to the Spirit or not to. But none the less, we are all children of God, and all brothers and sisters. And still to this day I have never seen him place judgment on another person. He surely speaks his mind, but more importantly he speaks his heart. While in remission, being so articulate, and I would compliment him on this, he would say it's not me. The Spirit is speaking through me. I'm serving a purpose greater than I. Though through the years of illness, I have seen changes in the way he speaks and thinks, of course with his physical being, but no matter how bad it gets, his love always shines brighter.
He convinced me to go to the chiropractor. I had had back and shoulder pain since I was a young child, and it helped take it away. One day we were at the chiropractor's office, talking to the receptionist about a movie we had just seen, but neither of us could remember the actor's name. Joshua was irritated, but in a light funny way, that he couldn't remember, especially since he remembers everything. He said it'll come to me. We went home, got some food, and layed down as neither of us wanted to get thrown back out of alignment. We fell asleep holding each other. 18 hours after we had left the chiropractor we were sleeping peacefully when I woke up to Joshua sitting straight up in bed and saying triumphantly, "Jason Sudeikis" and laying back down to go back to sleep. I laughed so hard I cried. That's all he said, and I knew exactly what he was talking about. It made me laugh, because he remembered, it made me laugh because it was out of nowhere and a dead sleep that he remembered, but mostly I laughed from pure joy that we were so connected that that was all that needed to be said, and we understood each other. He's my best friend and the only true friend that I've ever had. Others have come and gone, but looking back it was just a mutual using of each other for whatever reason. I had never had a true friend in my life until him, and not only was he my best friend, but he is the best of friends. When we officially got engaged, as he had asked me quite early on. He had said to me I need to ask you something. We shall be married. And gave me the ring off of his pinky finger and it was too big for my ring finger, so I wore it on my middle finger. Stretching his hands from thumb to pinky his hands are 11" wide and he wears a size 13 ring. Later, we chose the rings that are now our wedding rings. He had walked up to their elegant garden in the middle of the store and picked one of the flowers, I had said, What are you doing, and he said, That's what they're there for. He got down on one knee, gave me the flower and asked me to marry him. Then he placed the ring we had just picked out on my finger. We would talk about how we wanted our wedding to be. We would talk about how we didn't want a cheesy slow song for our first dance, we wanted something fun, it's a wedding not a funeral. One night we went to a casino. We were playing video poker when You're my Best Friend by Queen came on the speakers and the music video was playing on all of the tvs in the place. We knew that that was our song.He's stayed by my side patiently, though I've lied repeatedly about my past because I'm ashamed. I wore my shame and still do, wrap it around myself. To be honest, I hope that writing this and putting it out for the world to see will force me to take off my shawl of self misery and finally grow strong from it. But I constantly try to make myself look better than I am, instead of just being myself, which Joshua has not only encouraged me to be, but at times begged me to be, not just for him but for myself and for God. He's always said, as long as your honest, I can accept anything, and proven it. I've spent years blaming him for the horrific deeds I have done against him, I have bared false witness against him to his face, I have cheated, lied, stolen. I've left him alone to die and justified it all with my damaged heart and spirit. Unable to admit that I've made the mistakes that landed us here. That made it so he's now so sick, that he may not live. My fear of losing him in life created my own hell where now, I could lose him to death.
I've seen people turn their backs on my husband every day. Making horrible comments, calling him every horrible name that exists, abandoning him in his times of need. Telling him he'd be better off dead. And that's just his family. Worst of all me. I've told him that I didn't love him. I've told him that I wanted to be with other people. I've told him every horrible thing a woman can say to a man because I didn't want to look at myself and see the disgusting things that I've done. I lived a bad life before Joshua came into it. I constantly felt abandoned, and was left to my own devices most of life. I had to work from the age of 12 to financially support myself, and was babysitting before that. If I wanted clothes I bought them, summer camps? I worked hard and applied for scholarships. Money for a movie? I saved and saved and worked as many odd jobs as I could until I could pay to see it. I had grown cold and bitter at a young age, conning and lying my way into making people believe I was something I wasn't. It became second nature to me to lie, and just avoid feeling or thinking anything. I learned to hurt first to avoid being hurt And when I met Joshua, he showed me that the righteous way to live was to love. And I realized that it was the same result. You can't get hurt if you love first. But instead of subscribing to that right away, I began to resent him for having lived so righteously not wanting to admit that I could have chosen that path but didn't; and I wanted someone to blame for the guilt of the horrible things that I had done in my life, and I knew Joshua would never stop loving me no matter how awful I treated him, and took out my anger and hatred of myself on him. And every lie I told him, he said, I know your lying, just tell me the truth and it's okay. We all have flaws, and we all have a past. When we realize that we will never reach perfection, then we can finally realize that we're perfect. I'm disgusted with the things I've said and done to him because he's never been anything but loving and kind towards me, and it angers and hurts me the way I've treated and hurt him; betrayed him and me, and the purity of our love with my lies and deceit in a desperate and foolish attempt to hide from myself.
As much as I've searched for hope my entire life, when I met Joshua, I saw a glimpse of it, in him. But I blinded myself to what he was offering me for a long time. I was scared to accept it because I was afraid of knowing hope, and having it taken away. So I pushed. I've done every horrible, evil, and wicked act that you can commit against a person, I have said every disgusting word I have acted like a child throwing tantrums, and I have left him alone to die. And all to the man that I love more dearly with all of my heart.
When we first met, we would have long talks about our life. The abuse, the neglect, by our families and our friends. And he always had such peace about it. Never complaining, just telling me because since we were going to spend the rest of our lives together, he needed me to know and I needed to know as well. The times he had been abandoned at the hospital. How he was left to walk home from the hospital on several occasions. How after his 40 day coma, his family said told him get over it, it's not a big deal. How they've laughed at his pain. I've see the people in his life, especially his family, laugh at people's sufferings. It gives me a chill up my neck of disgust, fear, and anger; and gratitude that a man this pure hearted, this good, this beautiful could come from a family and from friends who are this sick and twisted. A man who has never lived his life in greed, but comes from a family to whom that is all that matters, money, title and power. He chose to be who he is, who God created him to be. I regret having not made that same choice early in my life. I've seen first hand the sick things that the previous women in his life were capable of. Women he's never had sex with claiming to be pregnant with his child. A woman who tried to have him arrested for beating her; but the cops were smart enough while she stood there without a mark and Joshua was standing there bleeding after she had bit his thumb down to the bone, because he would rather be hurt himself than ever lay a hand on a woman. A woman who claimed to be pregnant with his child, while she was in actuality pregnant with her first cousin's child. This same woman sending me a letter, after having not seen or heard Joshua for over ten years, warning me to stay away from him. "He's mine and you don't know what you're messing with." written in crayon.
He never understood, because he lived his life in humility why. And I would tell him, it's because you're the one that got away.
When we met, I swore I would come in and be HIS knight in shining armour. I have shattered my own delusion of grandeur every day by hurting him more and more, and every day a piece of my soul has died. Every time I hurt this wonderful man, the guilt builds and builds. Knowing that not only have I cheated on him, but I have even told him that I never loved him, though no words ever spoken have ever been less true. I've condemned him for everything under the sun, just to avoid the truth that I have put him through unthinkable horrors, greater than anything anyone else has ever put him through, because I couldn't deal with what I've done, constantly adding more to it, building and building, topping on topping, never just admitting that I fucked up. I made so many mistakes that have devastated him, but still he stayed by my side. I love him with my whole heart and soul, but it's my mind that gets in the way. My mind that tells me that no matter how patient and loving, no matter how many times he has proven that he will love me no matter what, to run, fight, flee, and hurt him so I won't get hurt. But all that ever happens is I reach a new, how the fuck could I do that to my Joshua, moment. When I cheated on him I thought, he doesn't really love me. If I do this it will force him to face it and stop telling me all this bullshit because how could he love someone as fucked up as me. But he did. And he stayed. I'm still working through this myself, as I tell this story, some of these things are as recent as this morning. I fight his love in stead of accepting it, because that would mean that I was wrong. And I am. I'm wrong for the things that I've done to him, when he's been nothing but patient and loving towards me. I'm wrong for having cheated on him, to fill some need to be used and abused, two things he has never put me through. I said previously that I had never had a boyfriend before and that's true. No one had ever even asked. I thought that the only way someone would want me is for sex. I didn't want to be wrong, I didn't want to believe him because then I couldn't feel sorry for myself. I couldn't look at the disgusting way I had lived my life, lusting after people to fill some need to be needed no matter what it was for. I didn't look at the pure gift that Joshua was laying down at my feet. Forgiveness, not just from him for the things that I had done to him, but for myself. I wanted to be happy and joyful, but at the same time I've wanted to stay miserable in a life of drama and lies because it was familiar and I knew how to handle it. I don't know how to handle being a good person that someone, especially someone as pure hearted and loving as Joshua, could ever love. Being loved didn't fit the cloak of self hatred that I had worn my entire life. It doesn't allow me to feel sorry for myself and drown myself in the guilt of the things that I have done. And I get angry at that, because sometimes, sometimes I just want to go off, be alone and let my misery overtake me. But then, I think of Joshua. I think of the dreams that I have for us. For him to be healthy and for us to spend hours in the studio together without having to worry about his health. For us to eat whatever we want to, to see him win a Grammy in person (I've seen the ones in our house), to see his movie released.
I love him for loving me. I love him for an infinite number of small things he does and says throughout every day. As he grew sicker, I grew more and more selfish, angry and bitter at him for not being able to take care of everything little thing for me; all the ways I had chosen to be dependent on him instead of his partner, depended on him to think, feel and speak for me, because I felt I couldn't have voice, not that could live up to the love he has for me. I didn't take his health seriously, and I didn't take our relationship seriously. I flirted with other men. I convinced him he was crazy, and though his instincts have never been wrong, he never confronted me about it, he waited patiently, soothing me, and though he knew what I had done, because he knows human nature and me better than I know myself, he was always and constantly supportive and encouraging. He would tell me that I could do anything. My Joshua has never felt sorry for himself. He has never felt pity. He has went through a multitude of ups and downs, through illness, losing his hair multiple times, building his body back up. Always becoming weaker and sicker than the time before, yet he never fails. The truth of the matter is is that Joshua would occasionally mention in a very loving way that he had known the things that I had done. He said, I don't care. I just need the truth from you. And as I had given him a half truth several years ago, which I'm sure had devastated him, I had convinced myself and even spoken that you don't want to be with me anymore do you. Joshua said, no I just need a few minutes. Twenty minutes later he asked me to come into the bedroom where he was lying and thinking. He lifted me up and laid me on the bed, told me he loved me and that it doesn't matter, you're with me now. As I cried, he held me while stroking my hair, lying face to face and still knowing that there was more to the story, we had fallen asleep together, showing me that I was always accepted by him. My husband is most known as a very beautiful man. Even in his sickness, very well built. Very convicted. Very secure and confident, but no arrogance lies in his heart, it never has. Though I truly don't understand, still, the confusion that lies in his heart about many things, as he will spend hours talking with me, and all he ever wants is for me to talk to him. We have had wonderful moments, but as his health declined I didn't know what to do. No one would help. And he is still baring with this. To let you understand the strength in my husband, through many reasons one day I had left. At one of his sickest times. It had started to rain and sleet. As I had convinced myself that Joshua would be healed if I took my life, that God would heal him, forgetting that God brought us together. I had found out later, though Joshua could barely walk, that he had forced himself up to go look for me, spending several hours. As he could barely walk and could not find me, he had come back home and gotten on my mountain bike and then continued to look for me. Spending seven to eight hours. As he was riding back home, he was hit by a truck, breaking several of his ribs. It was a hit and run. This was never told to me by Joshua. A lady who had always been a friend who has always been very kind to us had seen this from a far and had told me a couple days later. Finding strength where there was none to be found as he picked up the bike, dragging his body, walking another mile home. I had came home about 15 hours later. And Joshua was laying in the bed shaking. The first thing I hear is Anna? Is that you? No anger. Just joy. I had been taking medication for seizures. As I had been diagnosed as an epileptic at 3. Part of my reaction in leaving was that I was having an allergic reaction to the medication. I had tried to convince myself that if I just took this medication it would make everything better. But as Joshua always says, medication is not meant to fix the problem, it is meant to assist you and help with the process. I had woken up on a hill after taking several pills. Screaming out what did I do? Honestly, part of it is my confusion as well. God had given us to each other. I was only 20, he was 34. He would always say how wonderful I am for staying by his side, as he grew sicker and sicker. I was so afraid he was going to die, I didn't understand why God would do that. I didn't understand that many times in life, as Joshua always says, what we need is patience and grace, what we need and want is not meant to come to us immediately. As he was longing for my touch and my love, I was longing for any touch. Not being able to differentiate. I sit here and I think about what my Joshua has been through. What I and others have put him through. Spending years doing hurtful things, not understanding to fight for what you want and what you need. As I walked into the house I was freezing. Joshua told me to come lay down and he could barely move, shaking profusely. He had told me that he had looked for me. But not the pain that he had endured. I laid behind him and held on. As I noticed he cringed as I laid my hand on his ribs. He said nothing. All that followed was him telling me every beautiful thing, everything he felt about me. He turned over to face me. He brushed the hair out my face. He had kissed me and made love to me. He looked into my eyes as I was crying. He said nothing and he never looked away. As I think of this and through my experiences, not only is there no better man than my husband, but there's no truer love.
I see my husband now. As he gets up every day and fights with everything that he has, truly everything. Each day, I've woken up thinking that I'm fighting hard, pushing through, making it through the day. But then I think about the pain, the hurt in his heart, the sickness, the suffering and the loneliness that only comes when there is not a single person who can relate to you. I suppose one of the few people that could relate to my courageous husband is Jesus. Even Jesus said that we would do greater things than he. I see the awful things that others have done to him. I see the patience he has had with me. I see the love and caring he has given me, saving my life; first offering me a haven away from the terrible people I had surrounded myself with that were putting my life and well being in danger. Then repeatedly as I tried to hurt myself and him.
From the age of 5, I was a cutter. I would cut, burn, maim my body to try to feel something. I knew I wasn't feeling emotions properly, but I didn't know how to cope, and honestly didn't want to cope. I would hide it under clothes, constantly wearing long sleeves, even in the summer, claiming cold, until I finally became cold constantly. When I finally admitted to what I was doing, Joshua was heartbroken, but compassionate. He held me and told me everything was going to be alright, and that he would always take care of me and love me. He told me that even if I was hurt or broken, that he would love me enough for the both of us. He would never leave me or turn me away. He didn't want me to hurt myself, it's wrong. He spoke to me of God. We talked about how we are created for each other, because we have true love. The love that we feel for each other in our heart means that if one of us hurts, so does the other. I didn't want to hurt Joshua. Of course, I knew it was wrong, but I hadn't wanted to stop. I didn't want to stop until him. No man has ever loved a woman more than Joshua has loved me. And no woman in the world has ever loved as I love him. He has saved me. Though I've fought him. Though I've fought to destroy him because of my self loathing, he has done nothing but love me and save me over and over and over again. No man deserves what he has been through. Joshua does nothing but love, and I have spent my life a creature of deception, anger, hatred and destruction. Joshua shows me each and every day that that isn't the way life has to be. It is a choice. I choose good. I choose hope. I choose Joshua.
I see people on television; especially this award show season, and though we've taken part in these events, that someone would describe picking out a dress as the most difficult decision one can ever have to make, while there are children dying of starvation. While entire families are being slaughtered for no reason. While people in the United States, the land of the free, in the year 2015 could be dying with no medical care because of ignorance of doctors. While my husband was having trouble even walking, he had given his word to some of his old friends that he would go to the SAG awards. And though in pure agony, he had reminisced and as I saw, giving joy to so many people who had turned their back on him, but sitll showed them nothing but love and friendship. Even finding a new friend on twitter, as we were trying to meet up with another Twitter friend who was at the show as well. As we arrived to the after party, looking for our friend, due to epilepsy I had become very sick and had a seizure. Though Joshua was in tremendous pain, he took care of me, took me to the hospital and showed me that no matter what we're going through we must find joy in everything. No matter what we do, it is a lesson. It is a gift. We were watching the Oscars the other night, as we were supposed to be there but Joshua was undergoing chemo again, and there was an actoress giving an interview who said, "this film was the hardest thing I've ever hard to do in my life. It required me to be vulnerable in order to do the film justice." Johnny Depp said it best about being an actor, "I lie for a living." And this is who we celebrate? I'm not saying that there should be no actors, I love movies. Letting your life revolve around acting and fashion, when there are people out there in such need, struggling just to get by, and not even doing that. That there is a widowed mother of three out there being judged because she is on public assistance, that there is a grown man dying of cancer who is unable to get life saving surgeries because of the fear of doctors to take on a bleak case.
I am losing him, not because of the things I've done, but because of things I haven't done. He loves me unconditionally through the hell that I have put him through, constantly saving me from mistakes that I've made, constantly loving me through the sick and twisted horrors that I have put him through. Everyday I wake up and he is there, fighting for his life, and fighting for me, for us. And everyday I have turned down his gift, crushed his spirit with my words, my lies and my actions, and for what? So I can continue feeling like the piece of shit that I am? I'm losing him to death, and I haven't even cherished the life that we've had so far. I want more. I want a chance to do it right. To stop saying devastatingly hurtful lies so that I don't have to lay my soul down. To stop fighting him and fight with him. It was supposed to be me and him against the world, and I've always made it me against him, and he waited, beyond patiently, he still waits for me to just stop. Be myself. Be honest. Be loyal. Be true to my heart and be true to our love. I feel that it is right. The peace in my heart when I'm with him. The peace in my soul when I hold him. I don't know how to begin to apologize for the abomination that is the way I've treated him, while he does nothing but love me. He's been there for me in sorrow and joy. He's been there for me no matter what. He's cleaned up the messes that I've made, not just for myself, but also for him and us. He's been there for me when I tried to destroy us, talking me off the ledge and back into his arms.
~Anna Bella Vaughan~
From an elated GSET Team
We just received word from Joshua's wife Anna Bella that Joshua has woken up from his coma. He is talking and eating and joking with/at the nurses. She emailed us this:
I am so ecstatic to report that my husband has woken from his coma. He opened his eyes and was greeted by a gift sent to him by Ben and Jerry's. A pint of their new Tonight Dough, for The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon. The nurse came in and tried to tell him he couldn't eat it. He told her, smiling and joking, "F*ck off", well, he was still a little groggy. But he ate the entire pint!! And then took some of a pre workout drink that was sent to him by Generation Iron. Suffice to say that he's far from back to even his normal sufferings, but hopefully soon he'll be able to speak with all of you who have supported him and his vision with love, compassion and care, and give his love and leadership to all of us who need it so vitally. Thank you all for your kindness, love and support. Joshua and I appreciate it very much. Keep carrying on with our journey, and Joshua's vision and keep loving!!
We at the GSET team are so joyful. We cried, we screamed, we were literally shouting for joy in the office. Our leader isn't back on his feet, but he's alive. And we hope that he is back to showing us the way to live righteously and love with the huge heart that he has. We send our best and our love to him and wish all of our readers to do the same.
I am so ecstatic to report that my husband has woken from his coma. He opened his eyes and was greeted by a gift sent to him by Ben and Jerry's. A pint of their new Tonight Dough, for The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon. The nurse came in and tried to tell him he couldn't eat it. He told her, smiling and joking, "F*ck off", well, he was still a little groggy. But he ate the entire pint!! And then took some of a pre workout drink that was sent to him by Generation Iron. Suffice to say that he's far from back to even his normal sufferings, but hopefully soon he'll be able to speak with all of you who have supported him and his vision with love, compassion and care, and give his love and leadership to all of us who need it so vitally. Thank you all for your kindness, love and support. Joshua and I appreciate it very much. Keep carrying on with our journey, and Joshua's vision and keep loving!!
We at the GSET team are so joyful. We cried, we screamed, we were literally shouting for joy in the office. Our leader isn't back on his feet, but he's alive. And we hope that he is back to showing us the way to live righteously and love with the huge heart that he has. We send our best and our love to him and wish all of our readers to do the same.
Friday, February 27, 2015
From a heartbroken but hopeful GSET team
Three nights ago, our founder and inspiration, Joshua Jet Vaughan, collapsed while recording his album and fell into a coma. He is not breathing on his own, and we do not have word yet from his wife Anna, as to when or if he will wake up. We've been shattered here at the GSET, praying and crying, and though we knew with his health that this was a possibility, this is just not something that you can ever truly prepare yourself for. Joshua is like a father, mentor, teacher, friend, brother to all of us here. We've been overwhelmed with grief and anger at the injustice that such a great man, the best man, would ever go through this.
We have decided to continue posting. It is what Joshua would want. We have to carry on his mission to share people's stories, to help them to get help themselves, and to give a voice to the people who don't have one. Joshua has lived his life being all heart. We wish would could all fly out to be by his side, but the best thing we can do, and what he would want us to do, is to carry on with reaching out to people from all walks of life and show them the love that he has shown to us. We hope, pray and believe that he will wake up, and when he does, we want him to be proud and feel safe knowing that we have faithfully carried on living out his dream of lifting up the world in love.
Before Joshua collapsed, he had just come up with the idea to connect other blogs to ours. A sister blog affiliation of sorts. Another way to reach out and help others to connect to one another, get our stories heard. We will be posting a page, shortly, that will include the blogs of anyone who might add our blog to theirs and we will do likewise. This way that anyone who visits The Greatest Stories Ever Told will have not only our blog to read, but access to several others sharing the same message. Giving people a voice and connecting people through love, Joshua's vision and life mission, and using the tools of social media and the internet for good, not to separate people more or segregate them, but to bring them closer together in love.
Joshua, we hope and pray we have done you justice. You are so important to so many people and we all love you very much. Please wake up. We will do our best to carry on your vision without you, but don't make us do it now. We want to work with you, not in memory of you. You are our inspiration, motivation and nobody and nothing could ever replace your presence in our lives. Be strong and of good courage, we know you are the strongest an alive, please use that strength to come back to your loved ones and the people who love and need you in their lives..
~GSET Team~
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
A Family in Desperate Need ~The Story of Phanice Andayi~An Introduction
From the GSET team:
As this page was started to help others in need share their stories and give them a voice, soon we will be posting, in detail, the story of Phanice Andayi and her families unbelievable struggle and serious needs. To give a brief preview, Phanice and her family live in Kenya. Enduring tragedy that some may be able to relate to, but most can not understand. As we will be reaching out to as many people as possible and doing everything that we can here from the GSET team, we hope that you take the time to hear her story, and help in any way that you can. There are many charities to help with problems like Phanice's, but they are hard to reach. As we have been setting up several charities, it is a long, extensive process. But please, share her story, for the more people that are aware, the more will be reached allowing for her voice to be heard. Everything counts, from your time, to your prayers, to your words and actions stemming from your heart. This is an opportunity to educate, to save lives and change the world for the better. One person and/or family at a time. There are many struggles in other countries, for instance Kenya, while not only helping Phanice and her family, imagine the possibility of changing a country and continent and the world. When we post her story in it's entirety, we hope this will give everyone an opportunity to do just that. Many times we must start from the bottom up, but eventually we will rise to the top. As Phanice has reached out to us, and we are doing everything that we can, we hope that you do the same.
Soon we will be starting a Twitter page. If you would like to connect or reach out to Phanice personally you can do so via Twitter handle: @phanice07
Encouragement through words is very important as well to know that you are being loved and cared about. Thank you so much.
~GSET Team
As this page was started to help others in need share their stories and give them a voice, soon we will be posting, in detail, the story of Phanice Andayi and her families unbelievable struggle and serious needs. To give a brief preview, Phanice and her family live in Kenya. Enduring tragedy that some may be able to relate to, but most can not understand. As we will be reaching out to as many people as possible and doing everything that we can here from the GSET team, we hope that you take the time to hear her story, and help in any way that you can. There are many charities to help with problems like Phanice's, but they are hard to reach. As we have been setting up several charities, it is a long, extensive process. But please, share her story, for the more people that are aware, the more will be reached allowing for her voice to be heard. Everything counts, from your time, to your prayers, to your words and actions stemming from your heart. This is an opportunity to educate, to save lives and change the world for the better. One person and/or family at a time. There are many struggles in other countries, for instance Kenya, while not only helping Phanice and her family, imagine the possibility of changing a country and continent and the world. When we post her story in it's entirety, we hope this will give everyone an opportunity to do just that. Many times we must start from the bottom up, but eventually we will rise to the top. As Phanice has reached out to us, and we are doing everything that we can, we hope that you do the same.
Soon we will be starting a Twitter page. If you would like to connect or reach out to Phanice personally you can do so via Twitter handle: @phanice07
Encouragement through words is very important as well to know that you are being loved and cared about. Thank you so much.
~GSET Team
Sunday, February 22, 2015
In the Words of Joshua
Before I got into music, I was an all state and all american athlete in four sports in high school. Though my love and true joy was basketball, I decided to play football for the University of Michigan. I also got my degree in medicine and became a doctor for a short period of time. The high school that I went to was blessed with amazing track and cross country runners. I was one of these runners. In track, breaking several national records that still exist to this day in the sports of basketball, football, but in the sport of cross country, I ran a 5 k, 3.1 miles in 15 minutes 35 seconds. Yet, was not even close to the national record which are held by three of my team mates.We had run the national championship in cross country for over a decade straight. For all classes. A-D. My best friend in high school was a man named Casey Shay. His brother was also one of my best friends, Ryan Shay. Casey was incredible. Ryan was phenomenal. Why am I saying was? Ryan dominated through all of high school and college and was going to be in the Olympics. He had fallen short a couple years, though he was primarily a long distance runner, he decided to do the steeple chase. He had finally qualified for the Olympics. For several years, he had won every major marathon in the United States, including the most famous, the Boston and New York Marathons. Several years ago in his mid 20's as he was a few years behind me, he was in the New York Marathon. A true friend. Keeping in touch throughout the years. Though I absolutely hated running, my sister was a national champ, so it was expected of me. But I grew to love the camaraderie of all sports and the friendships through them. Ryan was and still is my family. While running the marathon, a full 40 minutes ahead of everyone else, one mile from the finish line, he collapsed and died. His entire life, he had a congenital heart defect, his heart was pumping blood backwards. Though was still capable of achieving all of this. By this time I had become quite successful in music, but had been stricken down by severe illness. Many people fall short, many times of what people expect of them. Just as my health has kept me from achieving my dreams and goals and my purpose, at least for now and to the best of my ability. This young man Ryan had accomplished so much. What was amazing to me was that he was judged so harshly, being called lazy, that he didn't work hard, that he didn't embrace his talent and took it for granted, but after he died and the autopsy was performed, well those who judged him knew different. These little examples in life, whether people are going through pain, know it, pain that is severe, sickness that is life threatening. This kind of a life does not allow for them to be weak. They must be strong for them to survive. The will that it takes. With someone like Ryan, who knew something was wrong, as he spoke that he didn't feel well, many days, why would anyone think that it was this serious? So when looking upon people, look into their eyes, look into their hearts, from your own heart. And remember this, the stronger a person is, the more pain they have dealt with in their life and the more love they hold in their heart and many times people take advantage of this and strip them of their strength and love, but never of their dignity. Many of us are guilty, but we are all better than this. It's amazing to me that there are so many cases of this that have happened, yet we still live our life not giving the benefit of the doubt. When I was severely ill for three and a half years, I wrote a screenplay about my life. When I went into remission, I had submitted it to several major movie studios. And in less than two months, it had been bought. I also was able to start my album. My movie had been greenlit. I was supposed to be the lead. And the album that I was to release, though I'm primarily a blues man, has a multitude of different styles of music was supposed to be a 2 disc cd for I was also doing the soundtrack and the score to my movie. Everything seemed to be coming together. And almost overnight I got severely ill. I have been fighting ever since. I've been doing my best to try to finish up my album. Though my capability vocally musically is not up to par. It has been very difficult. I also have to go through rewrites, which I have been too ill to do because, since the story is of my life, the struggle has continued. I don't believe God would give me these gifts, and as I have worked so hard to perfect them, to not be heard and seen for who I truly am. Why am I saying this? Every time I look at a person, I wonder, are they going through something so terrible that they can't achieve their dreams and goals as well? The physical, psychological, spiritual desperation. Whether we build cars, change tires, cook, are a musician or an actor, we all want to be recognized. When dealing with music and movies, it is a part of my soul, it is a vulnerability that I am letting out for the world to see and hear. Though unless you have seen me live, you have no understanding of the gifts that I have been given. This has made me realize so many things, it is also one of the reasons that I must help so many. So when you look at a person, ask yourself, what are they going through? When you are open to this, your heart is open. You can see through the strength into the pain. And you can truly know how to help someone. Remember, your words and your actions are only as good as the heart behind them. We all need to shine. But not alone. Together. Live your life in joy. Through joy. Give your love and your time. It's very precious. It's the one thing you can not get back. But it is the one thing that is appreciated and needed the most. As I state often about people's smiles, sometimes a simple smile can light up the entire world, and brighten someone's day. Give. Love. and Rejoice. I find it fascinating that we live in a world that celebrates celebrity. It's a contradiction within itself. Where everyone yearns to be a celebrity. But it comes down to the need of being wanted. And the want of being needed. We must celebrate all life. We are all special and valuable. And no matter what, every person on this earth has a role in our success and we are a product of their support. What triggered this statement from me is a new movie starring Kevin Costner called MacFarland. It made me think of my old friend Ryan. One of the reasons I started my blog page The Greatest Stories Ever Told There are such amazing and beautiful people in this world, with unbelievable stories. Living in the world of Hollywood. To be able to bring these people's lives to the big screen. Or to a documentary. That is a true accomplishment. Stories that we can relate to. That we can learn from. And grow together. But it saddens me that they are so easily forgotten. As once we are in the spotlight we must stay in it to be appreciated. I, myself, have been guilty of this. Dealing with my illness. I have forgotten a lot of things. some of it is from illness itself. But this also makes me appreciate the world of music and movies. A forum that is unprecedented. So if anyone is a part of this world, we must do justice to the story we are telling through these movies and through music. What we have now is not forever. But if we righteously do for others, that will certainly and absolutely last forever. One family, one heart, one love.
~Joshua Jet Vaughan~
~Joshua Jet Vaughan~
Food For Thought 32
Seek out joy for it is the only pathway to true love. It is absolute.
~Joshua Jet Vaughan~
Food For Thought 31
When did we ever become so important that everyone else is not?
~Joshua Jet Vaughan~
Joshua's Journey/Purpose~From the GSET Team
Even through Joshua's illness, he has accomplished so much. Stories that will be shared from his accomplishments athletically, as well as his education through schooling and life experience, and of course the nightmares that he has had to live through and still is; an inspiration to everyone. But ultimately what was put on his heart through all the changes in his life was in his music. Always stating there are two absolutes in this world; two universal languages that can always be understood. Mathematics and music. Eventually this opened the door for him to be a part of movies. Without his illness, this blog page would be completely different. The purpose of music and movies and still, athletics, constantly educating, growing, as much as he can, was given to him by God. Some of the joys of his life.
Today's world, music has become canned. Basically, computers are making music. The same with movies. CGI. Though he loves to be entertained, as we all do, that raw emotion of a true story, a well written movie or play, people interacting, a live concert, seeing their raw passion and emotion. Seeing flaws and specifically in the music world, that someone has perfected their craft so well that not one single note is off. Not musically or vocally. Sounding better live than in the studio. What Joshua has always found interesting is that we accept this in these two fields. It is expected and many times respected. Speaking of mathematics, there is either a right or wrong answer. No exceptions. Always stating it is the key to the universe. Joshua has spoken that every idea, every gift has been given to man by God. It has been allowed through the life of Jesus Christ. And is driven through the discernment of the Holy Spirit. God has given us all these abilities. In Joshua's eyes, or rather his heart, since we are created in God's image, God would use the things He created. Giving us an insight into how He thinks. Living by faith, but still giving us the science to back it up (the answers; sometimes we just have to ask the question.) The universal joys that apply to all, do so because they are delivered to and through us by the Spirit of the Lord. Most people, as of late, want to be part of the movie and music industry for fame, for money; to Joshua that's not what it's about. Though there is nothing wrong with having fame or money.
No matter what you are doing for a living, to put all your being into it. Music and movies are not an art, they are a passion. It takes a multitude of people to create, not only a good movie, or a good song, but a great one. Where we can debate, even argue, but ultimately the end goal is to put something out there for people to learn, to relate to, to laugh, to be entertained, to connect us in love (God's love.) As Joshua has often stated, "I am a fan of no man. I am not a respecter of man. As Jesus said himself, but I can still respect men. Because even though we are infallible, our words and our actions can accomplish so much as long as we have the righteous and truthful heart behind them." And of course, this encompasses every living creature. Everyone has a start and an ending. Most of the time what gets left out is the middle. The most important part. That's the journey. That is the part that so many people want to be heard, but have such a hard time telling.
How we yearn for his music to be heard by the masses for what it will do. For his very first screenplay that has been turned into a big budget film, to be seen, simply the story of his life, wrapped into just over three hours. As we live our lives everyday, and as we have known Joshua for years, many people don't know him. Not only the gifts he has been given, but the gift of him, yes the gift of Joshua. How do you do a man like this justice? Many of the members of the team get wrapped up in his story, bringing us to tears. We forget that this is the man that we would see daily, or speak over the phone with, yet the only thing you heard was love and joy, kindness and compassion. The GSET team could not imagine, as many others who have met Joshua, being given the gifts from God, how he had struggled through so much sickness, to still accomplish what he has, yet alone being alive. Five time cancer survivor, amongst other illnesses. Every time, relapsing, going into remission and having to fight his way back, but never getting back what he had. As Joshua turned 34, our now team, had the pleasure of meeting him.
If we were asked in person, none of us would have a bad thing to say about him. None of us has heard a voice so powerful when singing, so convicted when speaking, the ability to play guitar like no one else. The words in his songs. The patience, the grace. As he's been trying to finish up his album, we have been able to hear some of the music. As most of it was done during the year 2009, It's just of the last month and a half that he had picked up the guitar or had sang for over three years. All 12 of us were invited, as we so wanted to hear him recording, to sit in and watch and listen. In 2009 every song was done within one to two takes. Flawless and perfect. Never hearing a man be able to do a variety of different music perfectly, even though blues is the music that lies in his heart. He always would say a good song is a good song. As of recent, as he has been trying to finish his album, watching him struggle vocally, watch his body lock up as he plays the guitar, is such a horrible sight. Taking hours, what he used to be able to do in minutes. And only being a percent of what he is capable of for even when the GSET team saw him for the first time, his health was only at about 35%.
How did we meet Joshua? Because he saved all our lives. In many different ways, and some literally. Though Joshua will always say, "I didn't, God did." We all have the same heart that he has. It's simply a choice to do right by God, yourself and others. There are so many reasons that Jesus had died for us. As Joshua said, it's more than just for our sins. Always repeating the last commandment that Jesus had stated. To love others as you love yourself. Why is that so difficult? It's not. Joshua always saying why is your time so much more previous than anyone else's? All of our lives have meaning.And that should be embraced. We see this man who has been cut down to nothing, but still has more strength and conviction than anyone else. To truly understand what it is to be loved, though he has experienced so little of it, and been shown even less.
Many times the GSET team will talk about Joshua, as he always puts himself in other people's shoes, we've tried to do the same. What it would be like to be given all those gifts, to work so hard, to have a heart like that while going through these horrors, as many people become jaded and embittered, and many times their heart becomes consumed with hate, but one act of love can change that. And very few people will ever know. Though he does not speak of this you can see the pain in his eyes. We have all seen how his illness has affected his mind and of course, his body. But never his heart. As we have talked, imagining what it would be like to see the world the way it is, and knowing that one song, one movie, one action that Joshua takes would change the world for the better. Yes we all pray and believe that God will reach down and heal Joshua by His own hand so that he can live his life. To show what true love is, relationship that he has with his wife Anna Bella, who will give his time for anyone. And expect nothing in return. Lastly, what seems to resonate the most in our office, amongst our team is Joshua always says, "When did we ever become so important to ourselves that everyone else is not?" To see the beauty of the world, of people, of everything through the eyes of God, which has been clearly given to all of us. Seek out joy for it is the only pathway to true love. This is another absolute.
All of these remarkable thoughts and words that Joshua speaks, all of these amazing actions, we are all capable of. But he always says, "They are not mine. They were given to me from the Lord. I am simply here to help Him." Just one piece of the puzzle that can so easily be put together if we all unite. And as Joshua has a great sense of humor, he said, What's the difficulty? This is a true metaphor for life, stating we already have the picture of what the puzzle looks like, and that is a representation of God. Taking things that seem so complicated and understanding that they are very simple. Sometimes, we just need a little help. So let's give it. And not be afraid to accept it.
Today's world, music has become canned. Basically, computers are making music. The same with movies. CGI. Though he loves to be entertained, as we all do, that raw emotion of a true story, a well written movie or play, people interacting, a live concert, seeing their raw passion and emotion. Seeing flaws and specifically in the music world, that someone has perfected their craft so well that not one single note is off. Not musically or vocally. Sounding better live than in the studio. What Joshua has always found interesting is that we accept this in these two fields. It is expected and many times respected. Speaking of mathematics, there is either a right or wrong answer. No exceptions. Always stating it is the key to the universe. Joshua has spoken that every idea, every gift has been given to man by God. It has been allowed through the life of Jesus Christ. And is driven through the discernment of the Holy Spirit. God has given us all these abilities. In Joshua's eyes, or rather his heart, since we are created in God's image, God would use the things He created. Giving us an insight into how He thinks. Living by faith, but still giving us the science to back it up (the answers; sometimes we just have to ask the question.) The universal joys that apply to all, do so because they are delivered to and through us by the Spirit of the Lord. Most people, as of late, want to be part of the movie and music industry for fame, for money; to Joshua that's not what it's about. Though there is nothing wrong with having fame or money.
No matter what you are doing for a living, to put all your being into it. Music and movies are not an art, they are a passion. It takes a multitude of people to create, not only a good movie, or a good song, but a great one. Where we can debate, even argue, but ultimately the end goal is to put something out there for people to learn, to relate to, to laugh, to be entertained, to connect us in love (God's love.) As Joshua has often stated, "I am a fan of no man. I am not a respecter of man. As Jesus said himself, but I can still respect men. Because even though we are infallible, our words and our actions can accomplish so much as long as we have the righteous and truthful heart behind them." And of course, this encompasses every living creature. Everyone has a start and an ending. Most of the time what gets left out is the middle. The most important part. That's the journey. That is the part that so many people want to be heard, but have such a hard time telling.
How we yearn for his music to be heard by the masses for what it will do. For his very first screenplay that has been turned into a big budget film, to be seen, simply the story of his life, wrapped into just over three hours. As we live our lives everyday, and as we have known Joshua for years, many people don't know him. Not only the gifts he has been given, but the gift of him, yes the gift of Joshua. How do you do a man like this justice? Many of the members of the team get wrapped up in his story, bringing us to tears. We forget that this is the man that we would see daily, or speak over the phone with, yet the only thing you heard was love and joy, kindness and compassion. The GSET team could not imagine, as many others who have met Joshua, being given the gifts from God, how he had struggled through so much sickness, to still accomplish what he has, yet alone being alive. Five time cancer survivor, amongst other illnesses. Every time, relapsing, going into remission and having to fight his way back, but never getting back what he had. As Joshua turned 34, our now team, had the pleasure of meeting him.
If we were asked in person, none of us would have a bad thing to say about him. None of us has heard a voice so powerful when singing, so convicted when speaking, the ability to play guitar like no one else. The words in his songs. The patience, the grace. As he's been trying to finish up his album, we have been able to hear some of the music. As most of it was done during the year 2009, It's just of the last month and a half that he had picked up the guitar or had sang for over three years. All 12 of us were invited, as we so wanted to hear him recording, to sit in and watch and listen. In 2009 every song was done within one to two takes. Flawless and perfect. Never hearing a man be able to do a variety of different music perfectly, even though blues is the music that lies in his heart. He always would say a good song is a good song. As of recent, as he has been trying to finish his album, watching him struggle vocally, watch his body lock up as he plays the guitar, is such a horrible sight. Taking hours, what he used to be able to do in minutes. And only being a percent of what he is capable of for even when the GSET team saw him for the first time, his health was only at about 35%.
How did we meet Joshua? Because he saved all our lives. In many different ways, and some literally. Though Joshua will always say, "I didn't, God did." We all have the same heart that he has. It's simply a choice to do right by God, yourself and others. There are so many reasons that Jesus had died for us. As Joshua said, it's more than just for our sins. Always repeating the last commandment that Jesus had stated. To love others as you love yourself. Why is that so difficult? It's not. Joshua always saying why is your time so much more previous than anyone else's? All of our lives have meaning.And that should be embraced. We see this man who has been cut down to nothing, but still has more strength and conviction than anyone else. To truly understand what it is to be loved, though he has experienced so little of it, and been shown even less.
Many times the GSET team will talk about Joshua, as he always puts himself in other people's shoes, we've tried to do the same. What it would be like to be given all those gifts, to work so hard, to have a heart like that while going through these horrors, as many people become jaded and embittered, and many times their heart becomes consumed with hate, but one act of love can change that. And very few people will ever know. Though he does not speak of this you can see the pain in his eyes. We have all seen how his illness has affected his mind and of course, his body. But never his heart. As we have talked, imagining what it would be like to see the world the way it is, and knowing that one song, one movie, one action that Joshua takes would change the world for the better. Yes we all pray and believe that God will reach down and heal Joshua by His own hand so that he can live his life. To show what true love is, relationship that he has with his wife Anna Bella, who will give his time for anyone. And expect nothing in return. Lastly, what seems to resonate the most in our office, amongst our team is Joshua always says, "When did we ever become so important to ourselves that everyone else is not?" To see the beauty of the world, of people, of everything through the eyes of God, which has been clearly given to all of us. Seek out joy for it is the only pathway to true love. This is another absolute.
All of these remarkable thoughts and words that Joshua speaks, all of these amazing actions, we are all capable of. But he always says, "They are not mine. They were given to me from the Lord. I am simply here to help Him." Just one piece of the puzzle that can so easily be put together if we all unite. And as Joshua has a great sense of humor, he said, What's the difficulty? This is a true metaphor for life, stating we already have the picture of what the puzzle looks like, and that is a representation of God. Taking things that seem so complicated and understanding that they are very simple. Sometimes, we just need a little help. So let's give it. And not be afraid to accept it.
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