just a few joyful songs

Strength, Grace; Forgotten

Whether you consider this a poem, a muse, a declaration.  It is  the truth of humanity, of life and of our connected souls that we remove from each other.  You are born within horrible circumstances; almost a mistake, but you manage to survive.  You are different, innocent, without corruption or failure; living with a heart that is so huge and with so much love it can not and will not be penetrated.  It is not cold, it is not made of steel, it is simply fulfilled.  Inside of this heart is a natural born spirit.  It is held with strength and grace.  And this heart will not withhold it from others.  From the beginning of time, of your time on this planet: you see the world in all its beauty and its truth. You never waver.  You strive for your dreams and goals.  But your purpose is to help others achieve theirs. You are filled with joy when others accomplish, when others succeed. No matter what a person says or does in the negative, it affects you none. No matter what a person says or does in the positive, you were born knowing who you are so it affects you none just the same.  You live your life righteously.  An angel among men. As you grow older your perseverance is unprecedented. You start to realize that your heart is of steel. Your spirit manipulates this at will.  The love that you hold in your heart is constantly being released.  You hold so much that the need for it from others is simply not needed.  But that's what the steel is telling you.  You were born with illness. You were born with special needs.  You are a person that is classified as having special needs. This applies to the politically correct word that causes judgment and ignorance.  You are gifted by the hand of God Himself. Unique and perfect in every way. You're still getting older. As time on this planet will never cease to exist until it does. Eventually the confusion within your head and your heart sets in.  A corruption of oneself through years of suffering; and it's recognized by those who know you, and do not, as a dramatic change that has happened overnight.  And when do you really know anyone?  You do so when you look inside yourself and realize we are all the same through our differences.  You do not recognize yourself. You were born with an understanding of human nature that is unparalleled.  These imperfections had never applied to you.  From the common usage of curse words that were never part of your vocabulary.  The feeling of defeat and hatred that you knew nothing of.  But now has become relentless  in its pursuit to hinder your righteousness.  Your life has turned from dreams and goals to strive into what we would call hell just to survive.  Throughout your fight, as you never want, and have only, always, just needed; your want is now uncontrollable and insatiable.  You are ill. On the brink.  Facing life and death. But at this time, this does not bother you. Suffering. That is your degradation. Your kryptonite. Year after year you seek help, medical help, because you have adapted, be cause you have strength and grace, you hear the statement over and over: you can not possibly be sick. You are too smart, you are too muscular, you are crossing your feet as if relaxed. Sick people don't do this.  And then your revelation, you realize how different you are.  You realize exactly how well you understood, but still will never understand the truth of inhumanity.  You welcome death, but fight for life.  Your existence is to succeed; become a superstar.  To help others do the same, to become the same. You climb the mountain and get knocked down, having to start all over again.  But now you are so beaten  you are crawling up that mountain at a snail's pace.  Your physical strength has diminished; your hope is lingering, for your suffering knows no bounds and you know what is awaiting you at the top of the mountain.  Something happens. You find love.  True love. Someone who accepts you just the way you are.  Your strength is exhausted for them.  The corruption of your will becomes stronger.  And now your pace is of a break neck.  You have moments of surreality. You ask how can this be? But you can't stop now. Why is this? Because you were gifted true love. It will not let you fail.  She will not let you fail.  But now it is two who must suffer.  Just like I have been stating or perhaps using the word you, your words and your actions are overwhelmed as you speak more abruptly, as you become jaded; again, you use curse words to explain the relevance of your pain. Yet, it can not be explained.  And to another it will never be revealed in its truth.  Many people are born with what we now call special needs.  They used to be called retarded, then handicapped.  Just like those who have been given an extraordinary gift, incredible perception, understanding and love, they are binded and are bound by their illness.  Someone who has mental disabilities, it affects them physically. And physical disabilities that affect them mentally. They seem to have no understanding, they have outbursts.  How much of this is their disease or how much of this is their frustration for the fact that they know so much and love so much, but can not express it because their mind and body again is corrupted with illness.  The person who is never seen as weak; who everybody goes to with their problems no matter how sick they are, who in their health embraces all of this as a gift.  Who is so intelligent, so articulate, so strong and full of grace, so special, but now, because of their illness, they are considered average or even less than.  Every once in a while there is a person who comes along that has the ability to change everything for the better.  But physical illness that turns into emotional hardening, and a mind full of confusion, who is still the everlasting betterment of mankind, but has lost the ability to do this because of what seems to be an everlasting illness.  Who are the true angels in this world?  Who are the saints?  We spend our time and money on diseases we know so much about for the sake of science, but overlook the people who are enduring them.  I am not ashamed to speak of my gifts that no man has ever possessed. Yet so few have seen and heard because I have been horribly ill my entire adult life.  In my illness, with all I have accomplished within this, I know how easy it would be to fix my body.The problem from others is arrogance and the inability to listen to another. Specifically I will talk about special needs.  But I will revert to the old term, retardation so there is no misunderstanding.  They live in disease so severe that they are held prisoner within their own body.  Yet, they are angels.  There are those who hold themselves prisoners; waiting for that one Godly gesture and they are angels.  And once again, there are a few people that were born angelic, but because of illness and man, they are held prisoner just the same.  On a personal note about my feelings. People walk through this earth speaking of things they know nothing of.  The fickleness, the neediness, their arrogance based on insecurity.  They have no grace and no strength as this comes from the spirit.  It can not be explained or recognized from someone who does not have these.  They believe this comes from extreme riches, money, fame, worldly success that comes through recognition on the television screen.  Yet, these people are literally confined into a prison; a box that is literally no bigger than the tv you own/ they own.  A size of the bank that their money is being held in. And the group of sycophantic people that they surround themselves with.  We measure strength externally.  We overlook this internally.  And back to grace, until you have it, as I said, it can not be understood or explained.  Yet we feel it, as it radiates off from a few individuals.  But it can not be put into words, even by those who have it.  In this world we follow those who have a lack of substance, talent, humility; you will be hard  pressed to find a song that is nothing but one straight verse or one straight chorus.  A movie that is not a remake of a remake of a remake.  People question Christianity and spirituality for no other reason, as they are blessed in every way, because of their arrogance.  Because they need something to fill the void.  Because with them, moreso than others, seeing is believing.  Those who have suffered so greatly, they battle with doubt; doubt of Gods existence within themselves.  Then there are those who are blessed who battle to disprove to and for others.  I have battled.  I do battle.  Without doubt there is no reason for faith.  Where is my God who I have honored and have held steadfast with loyalty with no obsconcion or forbearance?  My physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual suffering is beyond anyone's understanding because it is beyond mine.  Why give me gifts and talents if I can not use them?  Why give me a wife when my pain is so great that I can not physically touch or be touched? Politics, religion, music, movies, all ran by children, no matter the age of the individual. They have no understanding or sense of responsibility because they have been through nothing to understand and have no one to be responsible for. Were we given these things simply to be entertained? Awarded to a handful of people who reap the benefits?  As one man says: fame is your virtue and looks at another and says you have none of this.  A person with God given virtues that are overlooked and forgotten.


It is human nature to want to be remembered, but now it does not matter what for.  Social media, a way to connect and share,  but is used to spout off any thought that comes in our head.  All of this lies in the wake of segregation.  Those who do not want to hear what others have to say, but must be heard.  They feel no shame or responsibility; as a blue check mark is their path to glory,we have seen how a small bit of fame can change your life; for those who have never had it, and their life changes for the better and so does the world.,  Each person that shows the possibilities of humanity, we forget 10,000 more.  Most of us know of Susan Boyle.  Britain's Got Talent.  Until she sang, most only looked at her with judgment and disgust.  With this fame, she was not forgotten, she was worthy.  Reaching the point where they actually cured her illness, because she was valuable.  But we have the ability to do this, the technology ,the science the medicine; people who take on the responsibility; grabbing onto an oath that they never preserve.


A lady who is considered a sociopath, but one doctor who took their oath seriously cared enough to look beyond the actions and words of this labelled sociopath. This woman had undergone brain surgery, finding a minute tumor that restricted her body's own production of iron.  When removed, awaking from surgery, she was full of emotion, deemed a sociopath no more.


Life can be easy if we don't complicate it.  I have seen people who live their life in competition.  You would say to yourself, I understand this, everyone wants to be the best,  but I have seen people who compete in sickness; who is sicker?  I have more pain, I am hungrier, I am more tired, and on and on. I have spoken of myself many times, having surgeries, but needing so many more.  How my youth has passed.  My wife who has been given gifts and talents, but when coming into a relationship with me, I became ill once again, so fast, life was put on hold.  So now I will be bold and blunt in my corrupted mind: people are selfish.  They whine and complain.  Their encouragement is for themselves.  Potential perseverance is overlooked by the ability to make a buck.  Needy creatures. Fickle and self-serving in nature.  And idly people stand by and do nothing.  People live in fear; afraid to simply speak their minds against the tyrants who rule this earth, this planet.  When I met my wife, I had no idea what Facebook, Twitter, even Myspace was.  I did not understand it.  But I thought while awaiting life saving surgeries, I could do good things with these forums.  And I find myself still not understanding.    People are so easily offended.  I was never a man who used vulgarity, but I will be straight up.  I see many people as cowards and assholes bitching about technology, having devices in the palm of their hand to do anything and complaining about how shitty their phone is or computer.  The more people we are able to reach out to, the less of a chance of being forgotten.  I give myself a pass on all of this bullshit.  I have sat at home or at a hospital with nothing to do.  I never stop thinking; yet before this I never stopped doing.  I don't like how my illness has changed me and I want to be better now.  I am referring to social media for one reason: we celebrate violence, vulgarity, sex inside of movies. We voice this same behavior on Twitter and Facebook.  But we are judged.  But these are forums, almost a separate realm to be remembered.  Before all of this bullshit we actually had to use our hands to get things done.  Actually taking more than 30 seconds to reach someone on the phone.  Yet, we can not take one second to hit a retweet button.  And we wonder why people are still sick and suffering.  Do you have the strength and grace to help one person and if you do this; is never being forgotten by just one person going to be enough for you?  Strength. Grace. Are you a superstar? What people have not yet understood is that we choose who is remembered and forgotten.  Can you remember that? Or will you forget it? Don't long to be a superstar... long to be a shooting star.  No matter how many times we see one, we always lie in amazement and we never forget it. Even once it is long passed.




~Joshua Jet Vaughan~

Oprah/ Moore/ Clooney/ Heston

When waking today I originally wanted to share a post about thoughts and feelings.  about overthinking and uncontrollable emotion; hence, balance. Then I realized that this would be a poor choice as I am slightly off balance today.

So today I want to post something that has been bothering me for over a decade. With a few intertwined stories that are related to character.

Over 10 years ago there was a horrible shooting at a high school in Columbine.  At the time Charleton Heston was the head of the NRA. Prior to this unfortunate event Mr. Heston was diagnosed with Alzheimers, dementia, and several other diseases that had manifested from these two autoimmune diseases. 3 days after the shooting, he had went to Columbine for the NRA to speak about gun control and of course, promote the NRA. With these diseases he was not in his right mind. Throughout the media it was said to be irresponsible on the NRA's part, yet Charleton received the brunt of the criticism.

Remember, this is not about the politics or beliefs of mine about the NRA or gun control. However, I will state this, I will speak of hunting for food. During my youth, many people would have not survived if they could have not hunted for their food. But enough of that.

I have family all over this world. I have 2 homes in Michigan, though I do not like the state of Michigan at all, so why bring up Michigan? Because of Michael Moore who grew up in the state. After Charleton had come back from Columbine, Michael Moore was on the Oprah Winfrey Show.

Now I must interrupt myself before I go on. I was driving one day and listening to talk radio. Charleton Heston was only given a few months to live at this time. George Clooney is the guest on the radio show and he said that because of Charleton Heston's belief in guns and representing the NRA that he deserves to have Alzheimers and now I paraphrase that his death will be that of karma.  

Back to Michael and Oprah; Michael Moore had went and bought a lifetime NRA membership. He used this to get into Charleton Heston's estate and manipulated Charleton into an interview. After about an hour Charleton caught on, in his diminishing capacity and asked Michael and his cameraman to leave.  He showed this video on the Oprah show. And then the plundering began.  Oprah and Michael took up in arms ( pardon the pun) the disrespect that the NRA but more importantly Charleton showed for the victims of the Columbine shooting.  They then went on to state that the NRA was manipulating Charleton Heston. And then badgered Charleton for not knowing better, even with having such horrible diseases. Yet, who's the manipulator? NRA? Or Michael for conning his way into a dying man's home? Creating propaganda, chaos, and essentially controversy for a man's last days on this planet, and Oprah for allowing this and taking part in this, and spinning this so that it supports their own conclusions.

On a side note: Remember, Oprah is the woman who laughed and smiled when interviewing Tom Cruise when he jumped insanely on the couch, then joined into the media frenzy of bashing Tom the very next day. Or the fact that she supports and voted for President Obama, but had stated that she had attended the same church that Obama had went to for 20 years and did not stop going until the media uprise when running, but said herself that she stopped going after two years, when she said that the position of the leader of the church Reverend Wright was and is (and paraphrasng) crazy and full of insanity.

Michael Moore grew up in the state of Michigan.  Eventually living in Flint, by the Detroit area, running a newspaper where my aunt was the editor-in-chief. Living in this state, Michael would understand the importance of guns and hunting. He now has a home that is about 2 miles from my and my wife's summer home.  This is a man who manipulates, cons and deceives to create his own success through the abuse of others.

Oprah is a woman who has become very successful by being passive aggressive. In this anecdote Charleton was the unwittingly star of his own demise.  People who jump on the bandwagon every time it passes by, and throw men like Charleton Heston under the bus even when suffering from a horrible disease that took his life, and George Clooney who wishes a man's illness and death because of his personal beliefs.  If we took an average man for instance a construction worker, maybe a brother or father, what would you do if a person said their illness was deserved because they believed in something you didn't. And isn't this attitude of these 3 people the same attitude that caused the Columbine shooting in the first place. The fact is that we look at people as gods and slaves or perhaps winners and losers.

I must apologize as the story is scattered, I am having a difficult day because of my illness.  But to all those who read this, I believe you are smart enough to understand. I said I was not going to get into my belief about guns but I will say something short. I am not against guns. I am against who gets to use them and what they are for. It is very simple; if we are responsible with a weapon that is powerful such as these, well there would be no problem. But we must look at our history and take in all accounts to make decisions about this.  For instance the war on drugs has done more harm, landed more people in jail or prison, for a few people's need to be recognized as they need a purpose.

So it comes down to this, we are responsible for our own actions.  We do not roll over people. Take advantage of them. And we definitely do not use someone's illness to benefit for our own personal success through ignorance.

To Michael, Oprah and George and maybe even the NRA, you should all be ashamed of yourself. Because of these people's worldly success we look at them as infallible. As omniscient and omnipotent, but I look at them as children crying over the fact that mommy and daddy won't give them a cookie.

Do not be impressionable or easily offended, and before you speak of something, you best have enough information through educating yourself to base an opinion through your words that come from facts not speculation.


Sincerely,
Joshua Jet Vaughan

Post Script: I know Michael Moore personally and I do not like him. In Northern Michigan there is a place called Traverse City, though most people would consider this a town.  There is an old State theatre that had been renovated, and Michael had started a film festival in TC. I had met President Obama in a bar in Traverse City having a beer with Michael Moore. My wife and I had donated a fortune to Michael's cause of bringing the arts to Northern Michigan. My wife, Anna Bella, had done more hands on work in her youth for this community than Michael has done in his entire life. This is not about receiving credit, this is about Michael is the only one that gets it and accepts it. Which is why the film festival is failing. People such as Madonna, Robert Redford, Tom Selleck, Tim Allen, who personally and politically have different beliefs, backed out of this festival because Michael made it about him and his politics which is what we all knew it was for to begin with, and if you did not, now you do.  So my final point, these people have reached great success. Their dignity and character is lacking, yet many still look to them as their yardstick.  I refuse to believe that hurting others is the only way to be successful and make progress in this world. And I can not idly stand by and do nothing, how about you?

The Disillusion/ Illusion of Help

Honesty. Integrity. Dignity. Humility. Conviction. All virtues we should possess. Most of us think we do. Yet, few of us have this, or rather these. But the question lies in the fact of why?

Humanity; human nature. We are fickle creatures who lie in neediness and self pity. As it is now; success has gone out of our immediate environment as to be recognized as important. Overwhelmingly so in the last decade. Success must be measured through the recognition of oneself on a global scale.

There is nothing wrong with the desire to be this for oneself. It is wrong for us as human beings to expect this of others, and if they do not achieve global success, they are simply worthless. As Donald Trump puts it; a loser. A definition of a person that is placed upon the shoulders of an individual passing judgment while knowing nothing of a person; an individual's struggle. And as they lie in judgment, they know nothing of what they speak of.

It is a world full of tit for tat. A question raised in each person's mind that is actually a statement. Who are you and you are not deserving of what you have. There is a contradiction within people when asking for help and when offering and giving help.

In the year 2015, to me, it is unreal, perhaps surreal to suffer in any way. The people who lead us live their life in the enigma of tit for tat; and the ignorance of competition that only separates when we should be united. Many times people passive-aggressively ask for help and when offered, they refuse it.  Sometimes it's because they want it on their terms; which can be irrational and illogical.  Other times it is hard to believe that a person would actually help when an individual has suffered for so long.

And then there is the madness and ignorance.

That a person helps another person in need for themselves for the inconsequential pat on the back. Essentially and ultimately having control and power over the person they are helping. If you tell a person; you will be healed of your illness or you will prosper financially; if you walk 50 miles, you will have this. As it will be an absolute and a definite. Most, if not all would do this. If you tell a person that you may-be healed or prosper, most will not do this.

So many on social media and of course, in real life; try to be inspirational; as in today's world whether via social media or the reality that is life, you can create an image to be whoever you want, but seldom your true self, for this would be unacceptable, to be proud of yourself without the recognition of another's pride in theirself.  They chalk life up to the simplicity of hard work and reward.  Yet, for some (just a handful), their reward never comes.  Yet, they have put in the hard work. They have stared death in the face but more importantly they have hit, head on, the sufferings of life.  As they stand face-to-face, eye-to-eye, and toe-to-toe with it (make no mistake, life itself lives and breathes, just as we do.)

 Most of the time when I speak of suffering I am speaking of imminent danger regarding poor health.  We as a species seem to only be able to support an uprising to help individuals with specific diseases; one or maybe two at a time. For instance Breast Cancer, or Wounded Warriors. When this happens we fall into place like children at an elementary school, ready for attendance.  The illusion of help and prosperity comes through and by another's disillusion of grandeur.

Now to be bold and frank. Those in position of power, in this time moreso than any other, are more irresponsible with this than a child with matches and firecrackers. Yet we hand this power over to them and then are surprised when they abuse it, just like we would be with a child.

I have lived my life in conviction, with immense financial resources.  I have suffered pain in all aspects that no man can relate to or understand.  It makes me vulnerable.  And in that vulnerability begets strength and love; even through anger.

I have often spoke that everything must have an opposite. Yet, with the emotion of anger there is no opposite.  Just that of not having it.  But as with science and faith, this emotion is viable none the less.

I have offered to and have helped so many people in my life, in so many ways, that I have spent more time and lost more money than most people make in ten lifetimes.  Through the eyes of oneself, we look at people in need with disdain and hatred. On the opposite end of the spectrum there are only a small few who do not know what it is to need or want.

People fall literally to their knees when in my presence as if I am gravity itself. I lift them up and I help. I pass no judgment on those who will judge themselves. I would be remiss if I did not state that even myself passes judgment. That I pass judgment on the wicked.  Today, I see more people that are unworthy of the blessings they have been given.

What lies within a person's heart. What is with held from another.  With all the clout and all the resources I have possessed in my life; my hardest battles are these: finding help, meaning medical help, the seriousness of all my illness, allowing a medical community to not only ignore and neglect, but through their insecurities that they will not acknowledge, vindictively use their power to attempt to snuff my life.

My other battle is to find anyone who would care about me in any way at all. Because of my strength, most people assume I have no feelings. That I have no heart. That I feel no pain and suffer no consequence.  As they throw the burden of their own sins that they have committed upon me directly onto both shoulders.

I do not have the strength to go into detail about my life any longer: so I will generalize through specificity about others. When we are feeling great and living large we assume most are doing the same.  When a person suffers so greatly, the difference becomes this: a person in great pain continuously wonders if another is feeling the same and is simply hiding it through immense strength.
What is my point? I will not explain or reiterate my prior posts. So I will start anew.  We never hold oneself in contempt, only others. We brag or pat ourselves on the back for what we do as a living. For this simple, yet, complex reason, that stems from one's youth.  To lift oneself up we must degrade another. We put on the cloak, the illusion, that we are so gifted; that our values and morality are so great, as we are deserving of our success.  As we use disillusion to plunge the dagger into another because somehow they are subject to flaws that others are not and do not hold the values, morality or work ethic that you must retain for worldly success.

It is amazing to me that those who I have offered to help, when they have begged for it when it is not needed, will then complain and turn down my help.  However, I have the great understanding of this: sometimes through the sufferings of life, and the imperfection of life itself, that through the surreality of life: help becomes unreal as this concept is unrecognizable to one's spirit. It is as if they have lost the ability to know the difference between night and day.  Kindly stating that they know no more of what the blessed understand with the indifference of dark and light. The combination of illusion and disillusion. Two words that are so strongly bonded together, their definition is almost the same.


I was going the share an anecdote from a recent experience with my own family; but the energy it would take to do so for those who are truly suffering can understand why I can not. When I first started in social media, I did not understand it.  In all honesty, I still do not. I have spent time on social media, or I'd like to say in the box of social media because in my illness I have had the lack of experiencing joy in and from the outside world.

In social media, I have developed great relationships, (most, brothers in arms) but will they go any further?

I started off being profound. But I have truly found that it is pointless to do so on social media. I have had many a people come to me for help, yet when I had to address my own health issues, the words that were left through email, messaging, tweets, were futile, hateful, disrespectful and of course I could go on with several profound words, but then I would be contradicting my own self.  Many of the people who asked for my help did not even need it.  The power to solve their own problems was within their own grasp. Many people I have offered help, immediate help, again because they passive-aggressively ask for it, will not even accept it or take their sweet time doing so.

Suffering is held in the old saying: to each their own.  It is subjective to a person's sensibilities.  This is appropriate for 99.9% of the world's population.  But for that small, minute percentage, their daily lives are so torture-some that the world they live in, not only has ended, but has never started.

When I was in medical school, one of my professors told me something that I live with today ( and this applies to all aspects of life, not just in the medical field) when you hear the sound of galloping, do not think of horses, think of zebras. When needing help, and when helping those in need, do not fall in the trap of creating illusion through disillusion. And hold no disillusion for the corruption that lies in illusion.

So in ending, when you look into another person's heart, remember: the feelings that you have are the same as yours.  Because all of our hearts are beating for the same reason, and to the same rhythm.

With all Sincerity, your friend,
~Joshua Jet Vaughan~


Post Script- Behold I sayeth: Friendship is not an offering, it is a gift that must not be with held but upheld ~Joshua Jet Vaughan 1:1

Perception/Conviction/ Responsibility/ Acceptance

Oh how I want to scream to the rafters about my current circumstance and health. Yet, I will not. First and foremost many people  can understand that when dealing with extreme pain there's only so much you can talk about as your energy is dealing with coping. So something had caught my attention early this morning.

A friend of mine, an IFBB pro bodybuilder, had a question asked of him. It was quite simple.  Who is your favorite and/or most influential bodybuilder.. The answer was and always is Lee Haney. The replies were unbelievable. I will not go into those. I'm using this as a point of reference, as I had read many different replies which are based upon personal opinion, I notice, yet again that opinions become futile and essentially infringe on the rights of other's opinions. Yet it all comes down to perspective.

I grew up in the age of the great Michael Jordan. You would be hard pressed to have me ever change my mind in the fact that I will always believe he is the greatest basketball player of all time. Yet, would Michael Jordan be thee Michael Jordan, without the greats before him. And I spell out the word thee instead of capitalizing the word "the" that simply makes my point of perception.

Back to bodybuilding. We recognize Arnold as being one of the greatest, allowing another man to come about such as Lee Haney to set a bar, a yardstick if you will, that has not yet been matched or surpassed. As I was an All American basketball player, one of my team mates, as I was a junior and he was a senior, just before practice one day, this friend had asked me a question. It was common knowledge in the area where I grew up that I knew everything there was about the game of basketball down to player's shoe size.

My friend asked me what I thought of Dominique Wilkins. Like a fool, I answered "he sucks" Which is far from the truth. I will explain momentarily why I say is instead of was. Before Michael Jordan had come into the league, Dominique had been league MVP, a several time all star, soon to be a two time slam dunk champion and at this time playing for the Atlanta Hawks, he was a three year running league leading scorer. Let's not forget, he was a professional basketball player.

Now here comes the great Michael Jordan. Michael had the charisma, the look, the skill, talent, hard work, the articulation in his playing and his speaking along with the style which adds up to one thing, the "it" factor. He played in a time of the greatest players, the greatest teams, at basketball's highest point with the hardest competition, where more legends came out of this era as they are still legends in this time, and he beat them all.

We as people often lie in silence steaming about what we wish we would have said.  As often in my youth, and still to this day I constantly think. When I went to bed after the night of the practice, I could not stop kicking myself.  Though I was only 16, my lack of conviction haunted me. I had to make this right. I went back the next day and had a conversation with my friend who not only asked me this question, but with ignorance, agreed with me. I do not remember exactly what I had said to him that evening, but I still remember my thoughts the night before. Here I, at 16 years old playing high school basketball.  And though I was great at the game my friend was not, though he thought otherwise as far as himself.  I have literally thought this:what a bunch of punk kids we are, a term often used by adults in my youth. Two high school athletes sitting on an ignorant position that Dominique Wilkins sucks. Without going into more detail the only proof I need that he did not suck (which is a stupid word unless it is being used as a verb, but in this case it's a noun) is the fact that he was a professional basketball player. And he is one of the greats. I don't care if you ride the pine,  if you're a pro in your chosen profession then that's all that needs to be said.

Now back to why I said is instead of was. Dominique (who is in his 50s) and of course Michael Jordan both could still dominate not only in the pro league, but of course college and high school, especially when in playing  condition. We do these types of things all the time. We give in, we follow, essentially we jump on the bandwagon. Our path in life should be to grow and attain wisdom, ultimately gaining perspective and wisdom; and to me the definition of wisdom is the clarity of the truth, not the perspective of your truth, not of truthfulness. But the truth that lies in the spirit that connects everything in this universe that stimulates the absolute of righteousness.  We stand on the sidelines and say we can do better. The adage if we have our health we have everything allows for this for it is the truth. And if you want to listen to someone who knows this who understands how health or rather the lack thereof can affect it then hear what I am saying as there is a difference between hearing and seeing. I see children today being a product of their generation more than any other time in history a judge. They are ignorant. Their jaded perspective consumes them.  I used to find children conforming to their elders; I now find elder conforming to their children. The youth in this country want a handout. They are sycophantic. They make the same ignorant comments that I made when I was 16, but on far more important issues, mine was a lack of conviction about something I knew as much as a person can know, their ignorance based upon the following of another person's point of view and that lack of perception is drowning further in the lack of conception. Ignorance stems from the word ignore meaning to ignore the way, the truth, the light. To not be ignorant is to educate oneself.  And in today's world this can come in a click of a button. Again in my youth, my personality comes from my own life experience,children today developed their personality from their favorite tv character as they mimic what looks and sounds cool in a movie and/or tv series. But I would be remiss if I did not say that some of this may be helpful in development. I patterned my game (b ball) after Michael Jordan, but in retrospect I was playing as he did before I knew of him.  When I listen to Micheal Jordan speak in his early 20's, there was an incredible difference between when he was a junior at North Carolina. Then going into his first year in the NBA. He credits his father with this. (An interesting fact, Michael was drafted first to the Portland Trailblazers. Portland passed their pick off to Chicago who had the third pick nabbing the great Michael Jordan. Also, Michael blew out his knee in the first year. Everyone said his career was over. But of course, it was not. Also, leaving North Carolina early, he promised his mother he would go back and get his degree which is in business. He did this in the summers. Hence perspective and conviction. )Then I look at Justin Bieber at the same age, just another punk trying to run the show. Hiding behind 7 feet 350lb bodyguards kicking people in the head, who happen to be his supporters.

 Is perception a choice?

Of course it is. And obviously, so is  conviction. My family, they are all insane. They are beyond wealthy. My immediate family, if taken their combined wealth exceeds multi-billions. They are selfish, ignorant, thoughtless, corrupt, greedy, full of hatred and I am nothing like them. But not all ignorance, and not all perspective is a bad thing.

 Most people know that I am part black. I have two anecdotes about honest ignorance.

When my father was in his prime he had many employees. Though I was the hardest working and the most underpaid, as my father made it clear that children are to serve. One of his employees who had worked for him for many years is a family friend.  To avoid confusion I will tell you his name which is Keith. His father's white and mother black. Keith had asked my father to hire his friend Marcus who was pitch black meaning that in the darkest night that you have ever experienced would seem like a beaming white light compared to Marcus. And one more interesting thing about Marcus, if you are old enough you will remember a tv series called Marcus Welby, MD. And Marcus' last name was Wilby.  Black and that name of course he had a sense of humor (plus he was the best hacky sacker I've ever seen in my life.) I had told Marcus and Keith a joke at the age of 12 after work one day. It was a joke that Eddie Murphy made famous. The joke goes why do black people have white palms and the bottom of their feet are white? Eddie then leaned up against the wall during his comedy act, hands pressed on the face of the wall, feet held firmly to the floor and said "This is how God spray painted them/us" Marcus laughed  hysterically, Keith did not. Marcus had a convertible; they were sitting in it when I told the joke. My neighbor friend, Jamie who was also 12, was standing next to me. By the look on his face, I was taken aback. Before I go on, let me explain something, I had never seen colors. I was oblivious to race. I'm sure this is with many people, but especially children. When I saw Lee Haney or Michael Jordan, I didn't say that is a great black basketball player or bodybuilder, I just saw great athletes and great people. It had nothing to do with me being black myself, as I am white toned, but in the sun I look like charcoal mocha. Now if this were a different subject it would be a perfect segue to the song Lady Marmalade. And with that being said a pet peeve of mine is when I hear someone saying I am a strong black woman. As opposed to just a strong woman. All these little statements bring about attention to race and to much attention to anything is never a good thing. Back to my story. By Jamie's look I realized who I was telling the joke to. I asked, "Should I have not said that?" Jamie had no reply as he was, and always will be a coward.  I thought about this during the evening and into the wee hours. At around 6:30 am the next morning, Keith who had about 8 years on me, to his credit and character actually apologized to me for his reaction. Obviously having proper perspective. Now travel ahead in time to my senior year in high school. One of my best friends was a girl named Shana who had a twin sister named Dana. Father black, mother white. Their younger brother, Damien, adored me as he was also an incredible basketball player. And though he adored Michael Jordan, he was several years behind me in age. But his heros were different. But still appreciated the yardstick, hence the level, of the game that Michael Jordan played. I had forgotten about this old Eddie Murphy joke, but I had seen his comedy act which was called Eddie Murphy:Raw. I had told Shana the joke on the way to class. It was as if Shana was trying to be offended. As I had to repeat who told the joke five times before she finally laughed. My honest ignorance.

Yet, my perspective on race had not changed. I have spoken about how I have played in AAU leagues with players like Chris Webber, Ioppo Montgomery, as well as playing along Dennis Rodman, even the great Michael Jordan, and then it happened. Well into my mid 20s I was in a circumstance where I was in a same room with a black man. Not knowing my race he said, "You don't like me cause I'm black" I replied, "No,  I don't like you because you're an asshole." And there it was. The hardhitting fact of racism. But my perspective on race has not changed. It was and is my understanding of prejudice that did. Now I am not here to teach you of common sense, there is a difference between racism and prejudice, look it up.

To stray a bit, have you ever known the definition of a word, but could not explain it with words? Of course you have. You just understand; so why does this apply to something.  Some things you just can't wrap your head around. But your heart, that's a different story. Somethings will just drive you insane because of their infinite possibility. Yogi Berra said I had deja vu all over again. I modified this: Joshua Jet Vaughan says, "Have you ever had deja vu about having deja vu"


What does this have to do with perspective? I suppose it's like this. How many times do you have to go over something before you have the right perspective, the right understanding? And if we have opinions that are futile about small issues like Lee Haney or Dominique Wilkins. if we perceive another's opinion to be incorrect on such small issues, well then do I have to ask the question why the world is the way it is? People say it's not how far we go in life, it's how we get there. They also make the statement that your journey in life and how you handle it is a direct reflection of the success that you obtain, actually I said that one. Why are the people who offend the most so easily offended/

So my question to you is, who the hell is they, and what do they know?

If you are a musician you should know what the word crescendo means. Along with modulate and legato. Simply put, to build, ascend, to peak, along with to change and lastly to string together respectively. That's what I do when I make statements. I am not here to tell you what to do, I am here to tell you what to think. Greatness is not held in a  bottle, but it can be contained in one. The question lies in this: how do you release greatness that is held captive in this bottle without breaking it and everything inside it? Do you perceive, or do you have perspective? Does your interpretation have to be interpreted?  And does your conviction have to be conveyed? And lastly, does your explanation have to be explained?  Your perspective lies within conviction.  But your conviction  can  be held captive by your lack of perspective.

My blogpost started simply. Building and building, with different subject matter which is actually the same. Now with all that jibberish that I have spoken, there is something I have had on my chest for quite some time, and this covers everything that I had brought up. Perspective, opinions, anger, judgment, ignorance, conviction, and everything else in between that is written in this post.

 Bill Cosby.

See the fact is is I don't always feel well enough to blog; when healthy, my blogposts, my tweets, my life will be different. I have an understanding and perspective of human nature and life that no other person has possessed.  I will not apologize for this for the fact that all of you don't have it, for  I have suffered to obtain and attain this gift. As we all have our own gifts, this is one of mine. So why am I talking about  Bill Cosby now? Well, in my post, people have had great success from their predecessor before the next great thing comes about. And unfortunately many people gain success by leeching off the degredation of others. So let's go into some detail. A woman who has came forward over 35 years later, that backstage at a comedy act that she told Bill that she had a headache and asked Bill if he had anything for it. Bill offers her some pills. She says, Bill what are these, you know I can't handle anything stronger than Tylenol, followed by her accepting and taking the pills. Now what in this, her statement, seems fishy to you? (First, making the statement that they are such good friends that somehow at some point a conversation about her tolerance of medication had come about. Unlikely, but let's still go with it. This now begs the question of why she would make that comment to Bill that is already known. Which means they had a close trusting relationship. After asking Bill what these pills are, she said she could not recall his reply. Which sums it up to this. Fuck it all, I'll take the pills anyway. Take all this information, that's a recollection that is incomplete, she is very clear on what happened before, and very clear on what she believes happened after; continues on with her life and as of now, as she claims the tragedy and the torment of it all, yet it takes 34 other women 35 years later before she has the conviction to stand up?  When in your life have you been wronged so badly  does it take that many people and that much time for you to essentially right a wrong in your own life? And one last note:memories fade and people who want to be victims are easily persuaded to be just that.) Many of the women say that they did not come forward because Bill was America's dad, hence the Cosby show. Let's not forget that this woman says that she believe she was raped because she does not remember. Okay let's go with this. Out of the 35+ women who have came about, as I will not say came forward, do you understand the conspiracy and probability, out of the multitude of people that would have to be involved in allowing and overlooking rape? Now if you believe that it is because Bill Cosby is too powerful, as so many have now made a career from this "outing" of Bill Cosby especially comedians, why would the possibility of gaining success from another man's fall not be more probable and more attainable when Bill Cosby was in his prime. And as far as Bill Cosby, I will end with Janice Dickinson. This is the self proclaimed first supermodel. And let's put this not gently. She is a big mouth, who brags about the number of celebrities she has slept with. But now she's a victim. Part of the 35+.   Whether some of this is true, none of it is, I can guarantee you that not all of it is. We must have perspective. We must have conviction. Get off the bandwagon. Rely not on your own understanding, but rely on the fact that your understanding should not be the understanding of another. This lies in arrogance . Be responsible enough to not pass judgment. Be humble enough to understand that judgment is not only a part of life, but is also a necessary evil. But when consumed with righteousness, biblically judgment is a necessity based on love and in love.

How to summarize? It's a safety net. Perception begets interpretation. Interpretation begets conviction. Conviction begets compassion. Compassion begets responsibility. And all of the above begets righteousness. So finally in ending: can we please stop hurting people and start helping them? We can't all be leaders. And we can't all be followers. But we could all lead and all follow and if we have the right conviction, who will be responsible enough to do so at the same time. And that my friends is just one of the many examples of how to bathe in the glory of love.

Your brother,
Joshua Jet Vaughan

Chance, Fate, Coincidence? Purpose?!

This post will be very short, or at least I will try to make it short. Quite some time ago in England there was a man who owned a pharmacy, but at this time they were not called pharmacies. The sign would usually state chemistry on the storefront window. The name of the building was Greenberryhill. In 1911 the pharmacist and owner, Sir Edmund William Godfrey was murdered.  And he was murdered in front of the store. Three men had commited this violent act who were eventually hanged on November 26th. Coincidentally, or maybe not, the last names of the three men were this, Green, Berry,and Hill. In my early 20's, I just happened to be in the city called Grand Rapids in the state of Michigan. I had walked into a guitar shop. It was quite large.  There was an abundance of people surrounding a drum kit. As you walk in, this would be to the right of the store. But I could not see who was drumming. To the left of the store is where the guitars and amps were, as I was looking to buy some equipment.  I grabbed a few pedals, an amp, and a Fender strat. As i was born with perfect pitch  it allows me to hear things that others can't. I noticed the drum beat. It was to the song by Aerosmith, Sweet Emotion. So I cranked up my amp and started jamming the song Sweet Emotion. As I'm playing, most of the time my eyes were closed. As sweat was dripping from my brow, I lifted my guitar up, as I was sitting on the amp, so I could use my forearm to wipe the sweat so I did not stop playing. At this time I did a double take as I noticed a flier. The flier stated Joey Kramer drum seminar. Most know Joey Kramer is the drummer for Aerosmith. I glanced over and people moved as if the seas parted by my staff that is called a guitar, Joey pointed at  me with his drumstick in a circle motion as if to continue on. We rattled off 5 Aerosmith songs. Ended with Last child. The owner of the guitar shop knew me, by the third song had set up a microphone and PA system and as of then, I was now singing the songs as well as playing. At the same time, hooking up a bass to an amp. The owner's name was James and he lived for Aerosmith. What a session. afterwards Joey came up to me and asked if I wanted to open for Aerosmith. Now, of course, he introduced himself and the words were, "Do you want to open for us tonight?" Of course my answer was yes. The problem was my band was not with me. They agreed to play back up for me. I got there about two hours early and there meaning Van Andel Arena, my set was about 45 minutes though Steven Tyler and Joe Perry were not part of the opening act. A standing ovation from 20,000+ people. As it would be normal for me to do an encore, Steven Tyler came out  and to my elation said, don't worry he'll be back later. I was welcomed back on stage, played several songs and to my dismay,  but again elation, Joe and Steven let me walk back on stage and let me end their set with Texas Flood by Stevie Ray Vaughan. However, they did come back for an encore and we all did the song last child. Coincidence? I will tell you this, the emotion was and is sweet.




~Joshua Jet Vaughan~

Real Life Angel- The Atheist Converted

I wanted to share an anecdote because, while Joshua's story is filled with tragedy, our story is also filled with these moments where I stood back and just observed him in awe and wonder at the way that he acted towards others, and the way that others flocked towards him unbeknownst to themselves.  He has this way of magnetically bringing people to him, and I know it's because of his heart and kindness, and the purity of his affection towards strangers that allows people who have never known him to gravitate to listen to his words.




Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. Hebrews 13:2
Maybe people walk through life wonderful if they have ever encountered an angel. I, however, lie blessed as one of the few who has and knows it.

When I first met my husband, I was drawn to his eyes. Not just because they are beautiful, but also because beneath them I could see a depth and pain that I knew only I could see. While he was smiling at me, I could see that the smile was only on the surface of his soul, while a deep trial and journey laid within.

As a child, and I say a child because at 20 years old and having been through no true life experience, that is what I was, I wanted to hug away the pain in his eyes.  But of course, that is not what you do, walk up to someone you don't know and hug them, but all the same that is what my heart desired. 

As our meeting, and the beginning of our romance and love took off, I was seeing more and more of this amazing man who had fallen into my life and into my heart.

One night we went out to dinner and then landed at a casino.  Several people that I had went to high school with were there when we arrived.  One of which was known as The Atheist while I was in high school. He was known for being so fervently opposed to any ideal of a deity existing that everyone just called him The Atheist.  We began talking with him, about everything and anything.  After a while, I had to leave to find a restroom. 

 I was gone for perhaps 10 minutes and as I was approaching them I heard my Joshua and The Atheist speaking about God.  I cringed inwardly, until I got upon them and heard no sarcasm, no deep rooted hatred in The Atheist's voice, I heard only awe and wonder at the words that Joshua was speaking.  To say that I had shock running through my system would be an understatement. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I would have been less surprised to have come back to find Joshua speaking with Jesus Christ Himself, than to hear a conversation with The Atheist about God that wasn't filled with anything but condescension.  

When the shock finally wore off and I began to actually hear what they were saying, I heard The Atheist talking about how when he was younger he believed and then upon seeing more of life he began to lose his faith because of the trials he had been through in his life and how he had always been alone. My Joshua listened and showed a level of compassion that I had always longed to possess, but had never even seen before.  You could see the care and the love in his heart and soul for this man that he had never met written across his face. I could feel it and it made my heart swell and made me love him even more, which I had not thought was possible.  Even now as I write about the memory of it, it brings a tear to my eye just thinking about the love that he poured out to a stranger over the trials that he had been through, even though my Joshua's life has been filled with such a level of suffering that is beyond even my comprehension; he loves everyone and relates to everyone and empathizes with each and every person he comes across.  

From the moment I met Joshua he's always had this pure concern for everyone and everything around him.  He gives love more freely than... I can't even now compare it to anything because it is so beyond words.  It is truly something you must see and experience yourself in order to understand.  It is more beautiful than the most beautiful sunrise.  

The Atheist could feel the genuine love coming from Joshua.  I have no doubt in my mind that this is what led The Atheist to turn to God that night.  He accepted Jesus Christ as his Savior, and God as his Father.  The Atheist was no more, he was simply Aaron for possibly the first time in years.  A burden had been lifted off his shoulders so heavy that he even stood taller, his face was lighter and looked younger, his actual age.  

This is only one instance of many where I saw my husband reach out with soul and spirit into the hearts, minds and souls of the people around them and heal something that we, as humans, can not see.  But he does... I may not know where these people are at this moment, but I do know one thing: that their lives are better for having had Joshua in it.  My life is better with Joshua in it.  



~Anna Bella Vaughan

Follow Your Passion Part One

As a performer of any kind, one of the first things you learn is to never apologize for mistakes before your performance.

As a musician, I've seen many of my fellows make this same mistake.  Even I have been guilty of it from time to time. One person I've never seen make a mistake is my husband Joshua. Not to say that he doesn't dislike what he plays at times, but something that I've observed about his playing (and see him apply to his and our life) is that if something doesn't go quite the way it was planned, to make it be the way you want.

Let me elaborate.  When I first started playing, I knew I had a passion for music.  One of my greatest fears growing up was that pursuing music in college, as a career, etc would take it from being a passion and a pleasure to being just a job and take the love that I feel for it out.  However, my husband has shown me that this is simply not the case and not only showed me that passion can exist pursuing music as a career, but also rekindled the fire inside of me for my music that I had given up on and let go out.

When I started out playing and singing, I was very insecure, but I had been taught not to apologize for the mistakes in my music (as so many musicians do).  I remember my first solo recital, and for some reason I had gotten it in my head that since I was "headlining" (if you can consider it that for a classical recital) to bow in between each song that I played.  As a classical pianist, typically you bow when you're done and that's it.  However, even while playing Kinderszenen (Scenes from Childhood) which consists of 13 short pieces, each about a minute a piece, I stood at the edge of the piano after each part and bowed.  I look back now in hindsight, and feel foolish for how I must have looked, especially since the majority of the people I was playing for I knew, and had known me since very young, though I was only 15 at the time of the recital, but to be that formal and that, pompous is the way I see myself at that time, to bow and require those that had supported my music in youth to applaud me every  two minutes seems quite absurd.

When I first met my husband, he told me stories of when he got his start. He would regale me with tales of his first tours, his first major concerts, what it was like to play before 1.4 million people.  It would blow my mind, and honestly used to cause fear in me of whether or not I had the chops to play with him, which is truly my dream (the fear of which is gone, and replaced with nerves and good anxiety, anxious to debut our album and band to the world thanks to my husband's encouragement and teaching.)

  He would also tell me about the common mistakes that musicians would often make when reaching out to record companies.  Joshua taught me that most A/R reps would take offense if you sent them in a recording, apologizing for crummy equipment or production value, because they have the experience to be able to tell the difference, apologizing or pointing it out, not only can seem unprofessional, but offensive to the reps implying that they can not tell the difference (though obviously my husband put this less abrasively and more articulately than I just did.)  But I understood his point.  Not apologizing for what you are lacking in (as far as your art is concerned) is crucial to being a professional performer: whether it be a lack of proper equipment, a lack of professional production, etc.

However...

Looking back and acknowledging those mistakes is key to growth; not just in your music but in life.

When I first met my husband I believed in the mantra, Make mistakes not regrets.  But now I look back on that belief and see it as foolish.  If you have no regrets, no true regrets, then how are you going to learn from the mistakes that you have made?   The truth lies in not letting it rule your life and stop you from moving forward.  My husband always says, You must confront your past because it is always gaining on you.  And when he first said this to me I had laughed a little bit, imagining my past literally running up behind me as a phantom.  However, it is a wonderful turn of phrase.  Because our past is constant and present.  It is our future we have to strive towards.  Even as I type these words, they are now in the past.

I have a lifetime to go to gain the wisdom that my husband has about life.  I would need a thousand lifetimes to be frank, but I hope to catch up to him at least to do him justice musically.

My husband is what you would call a prodigy.  He picked up the guitar in 6 weeks. Not to say that he didn't put in his hard work, he did.  Practicing 6 hours a day or more.  Every day without failure.  When you see my husband play, the guitar is literally an extension of himself.  A way to share a piece of his soul.  I've never seen or heard someone let the music flow out of them the way it does my Joshua.

But I wasn't writing this to simply brag up my husband, though it is one of my favorite past times (and I think it's only bragging if the talent isn't there to back up the claims, and in this case it is in spades.)  My husband is constantly looking back at his past work and critiquing it.  He listens back to his current playing and critiques it.  He is constantly looking at himself and his work and thinking, pushing and working to make improvements.

As an artist, I believe this is one of the greatest gifts you can have.  There is a reason it is called practicing art.  Because there is no perfection in art.  If you believe you have reached perfection, than there is no more you can do, nothing more for you to create.  Nothing more for you to change.

My husband just tweeted about music changing the world.  We don't have musicians that strive for this any longer.  Musicians used to push to share their passion, their love with the entire world for music is the universal language.  It can reach all corners of the earth and no matter what language it is in, with great music you can understand exactly what is the meaning.  Music isn't like this today (and of course, we will be changing that and bringing real music back through our own and by finding others through our record company GTRecords. #Shamelessplug)

I've posted several of my husband's old songs, and new recordings (secretly recorded via my phone) on Youtube.  And while some of his older work he makes clear that he doesn't favor, he also knows that once our new album is released that people will be able to hear the remarkable difference between his performance then and now.  Although his older work is still better than anything out today, his advancement after years of working hard and pursuing improvements on his playing, his voice, and his sound is remarkably apparent and truly a life and soul changing experience to listen to him.  I am truly blessed to be one of the few who have heard the angelic nature of his voice (and by angelic I mean the power and the rasp that one would imagine would have invoked a Fear Not in the bible, not the little naked babies with wings.)

But he agreed to allow me to keep his older works out there, not just because we used some of his older works for a great purpose (#BeRobin #HelpTheHomeless) But because he knew that it would be a great lesson to up and coming artists who want to pursue music.

We see these kids today on television shows such as American Idol, The Voice, etc and they are all in their teens crying because this is their last chance, and they've spent their whole life dreaming of being a singer.  At 13 years old, after singing for only a year or two, how can you believe that one audition is the beginning and end of your dreams?  If so, then how will you stay strong in the cut throat music industry if you do make it?

My husband put in a lot of time, and a lot of work to make his career and to perfect his sound, (and while I may sound as though I am contradicting a previous statement I'll elaborate.)  My husband's sound is flawless.  It transcends any sound I have ever heard come from an electric guitar.  It is raw.  It is crisp.  It is gritty and dirty.  It is clean.  It is beautiful. It is nasty.  He can even make his feedback be in tune with the song he is playing (as you can see in the below playlist in his original instrumental Hazy Days)





to be continued....

Message directed to Pope Francis

To all the people who read my blog posts, I am writing this as if it is a letter directed specifically to Pope Francis. This will save me time as opposed to sending multiple tweets.

Dear Pope Francis,

    Usually I do not concern myself with mass politics or mass religion, I was born a Christian.  Had accepted Jesus Christ at the age of 8, I live my life in conviction and righteously. My entire adult life I have suffered extreme illness. Most of these years with no treatment or improper treatment. Having been given gifts unparalleled. As of late because of the lack of treatment and the struggles to get the surgeries I need, My mind and my body, through these illnesses have been corrupted. My spirit, however, lies intact. My flaw in the confusion of what is happening to me is that doubt has arisen.  Yet I have learned that without doubt there is no reason for faith. I am not a respecter of man and I have no respect for title but I do understand the world needing this. Social media can be a tool, it can be used righteously derived from God, or a tool to selfishly promote an individual's agenda without caring of those who are crying out; simply to be heard by another, especially those who hold a worldly title (for this is simply human nature)  which is not of God, it is of the world. And if you are of the world you can not be of God. I am not here to speak of your policy. I agree with much of it. But I do not know you personally and you know not of me in the same. My wife Anna Bella and I both did a joke with the pope. And one of my ideas for a joke was why does pope Francis not have a twitter page? And then I asked my wife to check and to my surprise and elation you do. Before I continue,  to understand how dire my health is, my wife is typing this as I do not have the dexterity or cognitive ability to do so. My mind is scattered. Yet, when I feel led to do something the Spirit speaks for me and through me; allowing me to articulate myself. My wife, who is much younger than I, types 100 wpm and still has trouble keeping up with my words. Back to your twitter page, Pope Francis, I noticed that you follow yourself  and only yourself. I noticed that you do not favorite or retweet; for I do not know you personally, I will not presume to know the reasons why or in this case why not.  Because you know your bible, the Word of God, when I speak of verses I will paraphrase. Peter says I have learned how to be all things to all man (people) I have prayed to the Lord, specifically to what this means. Since the bible is subject to interpretation, which I believe is for a reason, as I believe nothing happens out of God's will, I believe it is this way for the fact that people must seek out the truth through reading, prayer, self reflection and experience as we are all unique and individuals and the search for this truth gives us a common ground so that we may bathe in the peace of the righteous word.Unfortunately, this causes much chaos and judgment within ourselves and each other; which is why my message to you about your use of twitter and the fact that you are the pope; it is so important. Simply, your title and social media allows people and yourself to interact candidly.  So back to twitter and Peter; I have asked myself, based upon that one verse of Peter if he had a twitter page would he follow no man? I have prayed of  this, and the answer's no. My revelation is that to lead we must follow and to follow we must lead. And only in your striving for perfection will you realize that the only way to be perfect is to understand that you never will be. Social media such as twitter gives a person a voice. But the truth comes in the fact that it gives those without one, not only a voice but a more powerful one. Having a chance to communicate with people that carry the truth of the Lord within their heart and those who do not, but are consciously or subconsciously longing to fill the void in their heart that can only be filled through this truth; as we must embrace all personalities to be all things to all men.  To only extend your voice, in my humble opinion is self serving. And for those who follow without a follow back, well now a person is living in the old adage of preaching to the choir. If Peter had a twitter page would he follow and allow peoples thoughts/words, hence feed, envelope his page? Of course he would. Do you understand what it is to hear millions of voices and to use your voice to give them a more powerful voice by simply hitting the retweet button? And I use the term retweet for a reason. As many only favorite a tweet, I believe this to be so as it is a lack of conviction. It holds as being self evident of vanity and greed. As we think of ourself as doing someone a favor by acknowledging them. But I will tell you the truth of why people don't favorite and retweet, especially those who are of celebrity: there are many reasons for doing this, not wanting to have a conversation with another, again not wanting to acknowledge another to the masses, not wanting others to see that you are active on twitter at this time and of course the most relevant not wanting people to see that you enjoy a tweet that may be inappropriate because it may tarnish a person's image. This is deferring from the truth and it is detracting from our uniqueness and our God given individual personalities. To me this is an abomination. As this is slightly off track, I do want to state this before I go on, there is no specific definition of what an abomination is; but I have asked the Lord and I had received: an abomination encompasses all seven deadly sins and the breaking of all ten commandments. I am speaking of this now because it is a reflection of our ignorance.  Ignorance is stemmed from ignoring the truth.  It is believed amongst many that no sin is greater than another; yet, God states that the bearing of false witness is the greatest sin of all.  It is only when we ask for forgiveness of these sins that no sin is greater than another for God says that they are no more, paraphrasing, as if they never were.  So when we use or misuse social media are we using it for an advantage or to take advantage of ourselves, of others, of ignorance or of righteous indignation. Many believe that God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are one individual, yet, biblically it is said that the Holy Spirit has it's own intelligence and understanding.  The bible also states that no one knows, not even Christ, only the Father, when Christ will return. Obviously making them two separate entities.  Connected by the Spirit.  So we can fill social media with the Spirit, or with our self serving agenda. How does this and social media correlate with my words;  it correlates in the fact that you as the pope have a responsibility to follow those who support you by supporting them. By acknowledgement and recognition.  By listening to those who interpret incorrectly and have the wrong perspective. so that you, pope Francis, might help them have the correct one.  And honestly, you can not do so  by speaking only the words that come upon your heart; for as with every man and any man that lives within the Spirit, with title or not, these men are simply advocates for the Lord. And as the world lies in ruins and hopelessness, with the position you hold, you can give a man a voice.  A man with a calling. The opportunity to fulfill this calling as he may be a modern day Peter.  And if we only follow ourselves, even on twitter how do we know how to help others when we know nothing of them. And sadly, we will not even acknowledge their words.
So let's change this perspective to that of God. What if God had a twitter page? To me, this is comparable to prayers. God has a constant feed of prayers; some are righteous, many are selfish, many are corrupted, yet He listens just the same. To be honest, Pope Francis, I do not subscribe to religion, as my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ says beware of this. So  I am going to be very honest with you as I know no other way. I have a great understanding of human nature that is caused and derived from my suffering where I have had to lie in  bed for up to 16 hours a day praying, talking to God Himself because I was too ill to do anything but this, even with my strength and the strength of the Lord. An angel can only understand man if he understands suffering.  As an angel must be obedient to the Lord.  When we are in heaven, angels will be obedient to man, for the faith is greater of those who have not seen, but pope Francis, they do see you. Do you see them? Yes, I have spoken with the Lord and I have heard His voice in the same way as if we were speaking face to face.  Over three years  I had this. I am God's warrior and his last true warrior. No different than Joshua the successor to Moses himself. And I am not here to speak of my path as you would have to ask, I stated earlier that I take part in no title, it means nothing. A man's words and actions are only as good as the heart behind them.  Many people see you as an example for the church, I do not. You are an example for the Lord, and that is your platform. Your forum, Pope Francis, is unprecedented. Again, another adage with great power comes great responsibility. And with all due respect, I find your example on social media to be irresponsible. I have found your position on many different topics to be interesting. I have seen that you are representing yourself as the pope but also as just a man, no greater than I. And that my friend, is righteous. The strength , patience, and grace that I have to use as I still await life saving surgery and still await healing by the hand of God, is unprecedented as well.  Is not following others a fear? Is it a fear of what people may say about you? Is it a fear of what they may say in their tweets, hence their feed? for would people be more responsible with the words in their tweets because you are looking over them? Somehow we have become lost today in celebrity and title and wealth. Are you a title Pope Francis? Obviously, you know you are looked at as a celebrity.  When people go through their daily lives, many will not recognize the fact any longer that God is watching over them in all aspects. But that is man's doing is it not? I don't know what has become of this world, but I know it is necessary. If you are not pope, if you have been given such gifts and talents, as you knew God's  calling for you is to be pope, but your health,your life was struck down with illness and you had seen another man rise to be the pope of the catholic church, and was doing everything that you are doing, would he be setting the right example? So now I will speak of my righteous not opinion, but fact. You are on social media. And I believe the way you are doing it is wrong. Have you learned how to be all things to all men? Are you doing this? Are you willing to follow people on twitter who are indefinitely flawed? Are you willing to use twitter, with all of it's available options as a tool to serve God and others or just yourself? Are you willing to be a conduit to God and bring a voice to a lonely lost soul through social media? To hear a man speak profanity on his twitter page,  and to guide him in the public eye. When I look at your page I see tweets that are an example of yourself and for yourself which many people do, especially celebrities. self serving, self promoting when they already have a voice. Are you a celebrity? Are you just a man? Pope Francis my friend, you are just that, the pope. With being so ill, I often wonder when I see people if they are suffering inside in any way, physical , emotional, spiritual, as they put on their happy face, are empty of joy, of peace, but still have faith greater than anyone else.  On a personal note, I watched you speak in Washington. I liked what you had to say. But people are fickle,  childish and disrespectful. I was appalled at the constant applause.  This is an example that people look at you as  celebrity. If in the church, after everything you spoke of, every two minutes, your congregation applauded, that would be, to me, very disrespectful.  When I watched you I was not looking at a man speaking, i was listening to the Holy Spirit speaking through a man.Therefore they are not applauding, they are disrupting the word of God. But no matter, this is just a critique of semantics. I have thought much as to why the President of the United States was not there. Could be as simple as the fact that president Obama thought that attention would be drawn away from your speech. But that would be vanity. Again, I do not presume to know why,  but I believe I do. Now I will tell you something personally, specifically of me. Through my life, my sickness, the neglect from others , my confusion of it all becomes a clarity.  I look at most men as children. they're lost and unwilling to live in humility. Those who seek forgiveness will not forgive. Those who live in the profession to help those in need take it away. Those who take an oath to protect and serve only harm as all of these men hide behind a title, perhaps a better than.  I often state that in my health the world is easy. People do not live their life in balance. Men do not encompass this God given virtue. God has laid this out simply for us. There is no good without bad, no wrong without right, no up without down, no back without front, no left without right, no faith without doubt. And so much more.But we as men choose to not embrace this within ourself. So I ask you to look at it this way. Our life is here for many reasons.  One of those reasons is to build relationships and take care of each other. As we are our brother's keeper. Do you live in this? Do you live to be heard and not hear? To be seen, but not see? As you are pope and decided to become a part of social media you have taken on a responsibility to be an example of how to serve the Lord through a site such as twitter.  Jesus Christ took on a responsibility to die for our sins, however he died for so much more than that.  He spoke while being crucifided "Father why have you forsaken me"There is no better way to show the righteousness of doubt than by Jesus Christ speaking this himself and to let us know that it is alright, that it even may be necessary. I have brought up doubt several times, so I ask you, do you doubt the direction you are taking on twitter? Do you believe a man like me could show you the way? And will you allow others to be a part of your life and you a part of theirs through social media. Though, I will add this, I ask only one thing of you, do not doubt that I am more than just a man accompanied with neither are my words.  It is not a burden, it is a gift. and you have infinite resources to not self promote. And when promoting God, as this is a lackluster word, we must envelope all that is of man so that we may develop a relationship with our Lord. The fact is, Pope Francis, God needs us as much as we need him, and we need one another just the same. I have read many of your tweets. Faith based, gospel derived, but still your words. There are many who want to speak to you, many who are intimidated to, many who feel less than. And again with all due respect with how you are serving your twitter page, you are multiplying this feeling ten fold. Who I am is more than just a name that I am posting from. More than just the picture you see. More than just the words I speak. So when you read this, think of me just this way. Who am I?  Well the answer to that pope Francis is I am. I have raised many questions but have stated many thought provoking opinions. So I will give you one more before I leave, when we set out to accomplish something we must be wiling to do what we are asking others to do. Whether simple or complex. As I have lived with an incredible sense of humor I am curious on one thing..Why have you not done a joke? As this would be the simplest but greatest example of who you are. I would like to see Pope Francis, yes you, do a joke with the pope or rather yourself. On a personal  note: many have given their time not only for charity but to give you the joy of laughter, I would love for you, Pope Francis to do just the same as you have asked of us; to tell the world and myself a joke.  To give us that same joy.  And this will give you the opportunity to be an example; as the greatest example to others is to be an example of yourself.  And I give you a sparkle of wisdom; as we speak of many things that are blessings such as love and kindness, and we give many gifts, the greatest gift and blessing you can give another is your time for it is the one and only thing that you could never get back. And for this reason there is no misunderstanding the truth of its righteousness.  I want you to remember I am a friend. Laughter is divine. It is truly a gift from the Lord. And a man's sense of humor is the quickest path to understanding a man's character.  To laugh brings happiness. To give the gift of laughter brings joy.  As joy is a condition of the spirit everlasting and happiness is a momentary emotion brought on by circumstance that is ever fleeting.  We take ourselves far too seriously, we are too easily offended, If you give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day, but if you teach a man to fish he'll eat for a lifetime.  If you make a man laugh, he'll be happy for a day, if you teach a man to laugh you'll share God's joy for a lifetime.  And if you truly would like to know who I am, I will leave you with this.
















Sincerely your brother,
Joshua Jet Vaughan

The Ultimate Blogpost- Human Responsibility/Connection

Coming Soon by me, JJV. The existential, consequential, ultimate blogpost about human responsibility through the connection we share through the spirit.

~Joshua Jet Vaughan~





Post Script: Here's some of my playlist. As I originally had thousands, I am currently redoing as they were lost through computer error. Hope you enjoy. Remember music is absolute (and enduring)

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In The Words of Anna Bella- Family Values (family redefined?) Part two

I was watching Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmerman.  I like to watch that show when my husband is taking a nap because he hates it.  I find weird foods fascinating, while he finds the prospect of eating a sheep's brain gross. And while I would never try brain because I too find it disgusting, watching other people eat them is educational to me.  (Which is strange because my husband has a taste for the strangest things, if it is considered an acquired taste; chances are he loves it. He's my perfect enigma in that way)

Something I've noticed about all of the countries I see on television, and the ones that I have been blessed to visit, that differs from America is that they eat together.  In fact, in many countries, restaurants are set up, almost cafeteria style, so that you are eating at a communal table with others.

There's an old saying that goes: the family that eats together stays together.  And how much of this is true?  My husband and I both dream of the day that we can once again enjoy a meal, at meal time, at a table, and just enjoy the food and one another's company, as that is something we have not been able to do because of his health in years.  Its very hard on him, but also it's hard on me.  The home I grew up in, we had scheduled meals when I was a child, but as I grew older, by the time I reached 10 it was basically grab and go.  And even though I did not like my parents, there was something nice about the routine, and provided a stability and comfort that I didn't receive emotionally directly from them, but in this act.  And when it had gone, what little familial bond there had been in my family went with it.  It is a blessing that I'm not sure many people even realize is there to be appreciated.

I watch Stouffer's commercials, and several others, where they reference that kids are so attached to their phones that they don't even bother to look up.



It does seem as if we have lost all sense of family values.


to be continued...

In The Words of Anna Bella- Family Values Part One

With the coming of each political campaign always comes talk about the depreciation of family values in America.  But this post is not about politics, however, each and every day makes me wonder if there isn't something to this.


As many of you know, my husband, the founder of this organization and vision, has several severe health problems. For years we had lived under the understanding that his family knew about his health problems and simply did not care to lend their support and love.  Recently we found out that his family didn't know about his health problems or the severity, however, the sad fact remains that they do not care.

When I found out that my husband's family did not know about his health problems I started reaching out to them, both immediate and extended, and let everyone know how severe his health has become.  Everyone had shock, and everyone had their opinion, but not one person offered well wishes, good luck, or even compassion for our situation, instead, they wanted to take that opportunity to tell me about the problems in their life.

I find it amazing that these people felt the desire to share petty problems (compared to life and death) with a stranger (as most of his family I have never even spoken to) directly after being told that their cousin, nephew, uncle, brother, son, grandson, may be facing death.


I'd like to share an anecdote:

I called my husband's aunt.  And after telling her about how serious my husband's health problems have gotten proceeded to tell me about how  she understands what we are going through because her neighbor had a brain tumor and he died.  Seriously?!? What kind of thing is that to say?

Another story.  My husband is currently in the hospital awaiting surgery, again, many of you reading this know this already, and his immediate family had told us previously that they wanted to talk to him and possibly come see him before his surgery (as with any surgery, but especially one this intensive comes with risks of it's own) but I called the to let the know.  My husband wanted to speak with his sister, and upon calling her, she began screaming at him.  It as so loud, that though the phone was not on speaker, a nurse had come in the room asking us if we could turn the volume down because it was disturbing other patients, however the volume on the phone was as low as it could go, his sister was simply screaming that loudly.   She told him that my husband being sick had caused hell to come down on her and her family and that he had destroyed them and was tearing the apart and that she didn't want to be a part of it any longer.  (On a side note, we have seen or spoken to my sister-in-law and her family for a combined 4 hours in 7 years.)

I don't understand this behavior, and it tears me apart because, though my husband subscribes to the idea that family is not defined by blood but by those who love you unconditionally and that you love back, I find that I still subscribe, at times, to the childish notion that certain people in life are supposed to act a certain way, and am still shocked and appalled when they don't.  Family is not supposed to tell you that you are worthless, especially when you are facing death.  Family is not supposed to scream at you at a pitch and volume a dog couldn't hear.  Family support each other, they come together and love each other through hard times, they don't condemn you and tear you down.

I always felt as though my husband's family saw him getting sick and saw their meal ticket going away.  Frankly, I feel as though they are a bunch of freeloaders.  Looking to my husband's success to pave their way in life, and they hate him for getting sick and putting a hold on the cash flow because his, and now our, money had to go towards providing for us and his health care.  The first time I met my sister-in-law the first thing I heard out of her mouth regarding my husband (after she spent an hour talking about herself) was that he had to get healthy so he could buy her her dream house.  Not so he could have his health, not so that he could be happy and fulfill his dreams and goals, but so that he could buy her a house.  This coming from a woman who hasn't worked for 20 years and wonders why they don't have more money.  Another family member told my husband wouldn't it be better for everyone if he were dead because then they'd all be millionaires.  WHAT?  And how?  I have suspected for years that they have a life insurance policy out on him and are trying to cause his death so they can collect, but this isn't just unfounded paranoia, this was based upon the fact that I was told by his parents that I should take a life insurance policy out on him like they did... just in case.

NO. I'm not going to take a life insurance policy out on my husband because that would be considering the possibility that he will die.  I was disgusted with my own parents when I found out that they had taken a policy out on me when I was 5.  FIVE.  And the one my parents took out on me didn't include coverage for health problems or accidents. So basically short of someone kidnapping and murdering me, they wouldn't collect, which is why all of those thoughts I had as a child that my parents had malicious intentions for me; well, I don't feel crazy for thinking that way any longer.

Is this the result of some social statement about family morals falling apart?  I don't know.  But I know that 60 year old adults are acting like the 20 year olds we see on reality tv shows.  I know that the more people talk online, the less they interact with people in the real world.  I know that the more we accept, encourage, and support atrocities like the recent VMAs, the more people think that that's the way the world is and that it's the way they need to act to be accepted and successful, at least in the worldly sense.

To be continued....