The Sounds of Heaven
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Sunday, June 25, 2017
Tuesday, May 16, 2017
Wednesday, May 3, 2017
Why didn't I share with my Joshua?
http://letterstomyjoshua.blogspot.com/2015/07/letter-one.html?m=1
Wednesday, March 15, 2017
One love forever! Joshua and Andy!
Check out JoshuaJ&AnnaBVaughan (@LosVaughans): https://twitter.com/LosVaughans?s=09
Friday, April 22, 2016
Laughter is the Best Medicine
I don't personally subscribe to this common cliche that Laughter is the best medicine. I'm sure that most cancer patients, like my husband, will tell you that while laughter is great, and joy is better, that laughter can hurt more than the good feeling that it is brought on by. Despite that fact, my husband still finds time and energy to bring me joy and laughter each and everyday, when I never truly felt the need or inspiration to do so before I met him. He is truly a gift, one that I would like to share with you now. Take Care GSET family.
Anna Bella Vaughan
Anna Bella Vaughan
Friday, June 19, 2015
Joshua's Joys- My cousin SRV anecdote
My heritage is of this: Just like most I am a mutt. My wife, however, is a purebred. Born in South Korea. The story of my birth is quite interesting, but that is not the anecdote that I will share. Most of my family, comes by way of Wales. When coming over to the United States, as with most immigrants, names were changed throughout the years. As I like to honor my family's name, or in this case names, I will state you the changes that have been made throughout the hundreds of years. This has made my understanding of my ancestors' to be very confusing. Before my grandfather, on my father's side, had passed, I had been given much information about my heritage from him. I also had the great honor of knowing my great grandmother into my 20s.
My surnames have included Zobel, Yetikevich, Jurkeweicsz, Conway, Davis, Barr, Smith and Vaughan coming by way of Israel to Poland to the United States. This would be my Jewish/Polish side. I am also black and part Native American Indian. I do not state African American because there is no way to track my ancestry to Africa. And then there is my Welsh side. Vaughan is a Welsh name. But all the names were changed several times within Europe and then changed again several times when my ancestors immigrated to the United States including myself. So getting to the story about SRV:
I have many relatives in the city of Chicago. They are Welsh. But since a large amount settled and still live in Chicago, many of them married Italians. Because this anecdote involves my Italian cousin who has an odd Italian name, I felt it necessary to state this. His first name is Deano. No his legal name is not Dean and we add the O, it is legally Deano. Now that he's in his 50's, how odd it must be having this name.
Throughout my youth I had always felt as if something was missing. I used to have these dreams/daydreams about holding a guitar. Though my family came from music, back to my great aunt singing with Frank Sinatra and the Rat Pack, all the way to the great Stevie Ray Vaughan, my life was revolved around sports. When I was 7 years old, I went to visit my family in Chicago. I was favored amongst my cousins and treated quite well. As we were vacationing there for around two weeks, my cousin Deano was and is a very wealthy and is still a quite spontaneous man.
He owns a Think Tank creating ideas for major companies such as Apple. Though it took a few days, he had convinced my parents to allow me to go to Austin, Texas with him. Though a road trip would have been fun, as a 7 year old, I don't think this is something my cousin Deano would wanted to undertake. Because of his company, he had access to a private jet. I was excited, yet nervous, for the first time being able to fly as one of my dreams was to be a fighter pilot. My cousin, Deano, wanted to culture me in the greatest music of all, the blues.
I have always been particular to the blues, but really had not understood the genres of music. Little did I know, Deano had taken me there to also introduce me to a long lost cousin. Though I can not remember the name of the bar, as I was very young, one day in the afternoon, Deano took me to a bar to get lunch. On the stage was a man sitting in a chair with his feet propped up on another chair, his hat was tilted downward and he was playing guitar. I did not know it at the time until getting into music later in life what guitar he was playing. As we listened for 45 minutes, my cousin Deano had grabbed a drink from the bar and asked me to walk up to the man playing the blues on stage. It was none other than Stevie Ray Vaughan.
Deano said, I want to introduce you to your cousin. And then I was introduced to SRV.
Of course, I simply called him Cousin Stevie. As he put his guitar in his case, downed the drink my cousin Deano had bought for him, the three of us had taken a walk. Cousin Stevie was kind and gentle. Humble and timid. Was very respectful, but also very convicted. We had walked around the city of Austin. I was introduced to many people. Later that evening I went to meet the rest of my family. Stevie's family. I was very nervous, not because of my cousin Stevie, as I had no idea of who he was other than my cousin, but the fact that I was timid myself, especially around new people, though they made me feel at home.
I have always been an honest person, but for some reason I had felt ashamed when asked a question. Stevie had asked me if I had a guitar. As he had jammed a little bit and let me play his. Though I'm sure what I was playing, as I knew nothing of music, was horrifying. When asked, I said yes I do. He had offered to give me an old electric and/or acoustic saying I could pick. I did not accept at this time. Later that night Stevie had a gig and I was allowed in the bar despite my age to watch because I was his cousin. Though I loved the music, the atmosphere was what I drowned myself in.
Skipping ahead, many years later and around the age of 21, I had picked up the guitar. As I stated, I was involved in sports, that was my passion. Before picking up the guitar I had three influences. Keb'Mo. Eric Clapton. And eventually my cousin Stevie Ray. What's interesting within this story is that I had no conception of who my cousin was. When I heard Eric Clapton play "Before You Accuse Me" electrically and then did some research as he was coming out with his "From the Cradle" blues album, I was hooked.
Unfortunately, at this time, my cousin Stevie had passed a few years prior. I had seen him several more times before his passing. I had learned a great deal from this on how we overlook those within our family that are the closest to us. I don't believe it's because we don't appreciate them or that we're so selfish within our own lives. For me, I believe it's because I looked at him as my cousin, not as the great SRV. I had built a good relationship with him. But unfortunately, through most of his life, he had suffered from drug abuse and alcoholism.
The last time I had seen him was in 1989, when he played at Austin City Limits. This is when I had realized what guitar he was playing a decade earlier. This guitar was his number one, the famous Fender Strat. Stevie had said that he had over 200 necks replaced on the body of the guitar, but he also had several different bodies for it. Then there was the time I finally took the gift. A multi-piece SRV number one, or in this case maybe number 151, guitar. Finally, I had bought one of his CDs. It was a remastered version of his greatest hits. I was blown away.
Though it took me about another year to really appreciate what he was doing and what he would have accomplished through his music if not for the horrible circumstances causing his death. Though I had an inside track on how he had gotten his sound. It had taken me years, as this was the sound that I wanted. But to take it to the next level to accomplish this. Though the equipment is a huge part of it, it is the technique and intensity that must be possessed. I was given the same gift as my cousin was. Unfortunately, my health has not allowed for many to see this gift, much less to even hear it. I have done most of my playing live, and there are very few recordings of me. Vocally, I have exceeded almost everybody. Musically, I am the only person that can be and has been legitimately compared to my own cousin. Throughout the years I have developed my own style as well, as when I came into my own, I had taken music to a new level.
The day that I am better is the day that this will be understood. Without having Stevie musically, but also as my cousin, I would not have been able to achieve this. So this is a great joy and anecdote, but there is a lesson to be learned here. Whether we are youthful, whether we are getting up in years, we must stop and take the time to appreciate everyone, especially those that are closest to us. If we don't, life will pass us by and we will lose out on so much if we do not seize these gifts.
If Stevie wasn't Stevie, would I or anyone else appreciate him for who he was and what he has left behind? If he was simply my cousin, but had never reached the level of success he did, if he never died, would he have had the influence on so many that he has now? And is this something that he wondered, being such a gentle, humble soul, when alive?
When our hearts are full of love and we are contributing with the gifts that we have been given by God, we will be filled with our purpose to share with others. It is very difficult to be sycophantic to your relative. But it seems to be very easy to pass on by not only their gifts and talents but their love, as we expect it to go on forever.
Due to my health, it has made me question a lot of different variables. Would my life be different today, would I even be sick if I had looked at life in this way, the way that I am asking you to look at it? The way that I now see clear as day? So this may be silly, but don't live your life in overcast. Not only appreciate the beauty of everyone, but look for it. Let it shine through.
As with many of my relatives that have passed early, again, I wonder how my life would be different if they were still alive. The ones that have the great heart like my cousin Stevie. The great hearts that I have inherited. And I surely do not want to pass without giving the gift that I have been given, but did not understand until it was too late. And as far as the people who loved my cousin, no, I will not sell you or give you that guitar. That is special to me. But I'm sure all of you have been given something in equivalence. Thank you so kindly for listening. And God Bless you all.
~Joshua Jet Vaughan~
Post Script: Another statement that I make is that to lead we must follow and to follow we must lead. Stevie was and is a leader. Understanding this concept through his faith of God and his discernment. Though we are similar in many ways, of course, I am my own man. So again, I would be remiss if I did not add in Chris Layton, Tommy Shannon, and eventually Reese Wymans. These men are an example of what I have just stated. The way they valued each other and, of course, Stevie. This is a perfect example of my saying to lead we must follow; to follow we must lead.
As many Stevie fans watch his live videos, they can see how his band simply sits back as Stevie takes the lead. But without their support, without the love they had for one another, the way that this would have affected them as men and as friends would have not allowed for the music that we love and enjoy from Stevie Ray Vaughan and Double Trouble today. Each man knew their place, as music, great music, that changed lives and is still changing them for the better was and is the goal, as today everyone wants to be their own "rockstar" dividing bands and music which is why music has no soul or life and nothing to give anymore.
To me this is an example of an appreciation for the love of friendship and family. As family comes in all different forms as well as friendship. Recently, my wife and I had attended the 2015 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction. As I was to play, because of my current health and just being released from the hospital, I was not capable. When inducted, the tears were flowing from everyone. SRV and Double Trouble's induction was the greatest moment of this evening.
I had asked Chris what it was like and though I don't feel comfortable sharing his personal feelings without permission I will say that what he stated is exactly what you would believe he felt. On a personal note, though it was a great ceremony, I was very disappointed with the people that were chosen to play Pride and Joy and Texas Flood. Because he was and is my cousin, I feel that I not only have the right, but the responsibility to state my opinion on this. It was lackluster at best. And frankly I was somewhat embarrassed. There is a particular person who was playing and before I state this, obviously none of this has to do with my cousin Jimmy or Double Trouble, the other artists that were chosen to play, specifically one, who I will not name, are a disappointment.
This one person, I am not speaking just about their musical ability, I am speaking of his personality. He often goes on record stating that no one has ever had or will ever have the ability to play with the same passion or intensity that Stevie did. Not only is this a comment made out of ignorance for his own inadequacies. It is a comment that I believe my cousin Stevie would be appalled by.
Though he might be under the delusion that he is giving a compliment, he is taking away from all the other musicians that have been influenced by SRV, that have spent night and day with the same passion, the intensity that Stevie had, but simply have not been heard yet. He is not understanding that because of Stevie, this has allowed people to take their music to the next level. Just as the same could be said by Stevie himself for his musical influences. Without those people, Stevie would not be what we know him to be musically or personally as a man.
Yes, him being my cousin has made me work to learn every song that he has ever recorded note for note, with the same phrasing, intensity and emotion. With my Strat and simply playing any amp with just a tube screamer, with my massive strings, so high off the fret board, I have taken what Stevie has done and he has empowered me with a passion and love to play my music and of course his, with the respect of doing him justice.
Of course, without SRV, could this be possible?
Maybe, maybe not.
But this does not apply because Stevie was and is an influence to every musician. And to every heart. This musician that states otherwise does not understand the gift that he has been given from SRV. And personally knowing this man, I believe that is his ego and lack of passion and love that made him state this selfish comment. When I listen to songs like Tightrope, or Texas Flood, or Pride and Joy, and then I listen to a song that is a sell out at it's best, as an example, Your Body Is A Wonderland, I feel no need to go on as I believe I have proven my point.
So all you musicians who are playing with the gift of intensity and passion, keep doing so. Listen to the men like Stevie who encourage you to go after it, to be an open channel, and never make statements to restrict others or put them in a box, as this would be considered discouragement. And personally, we must always try to surpass the greats that came before us within our own styles of music and personality. Because of the respect that we have for what they have passed on to us. Thank you my cousin Stevie Ray Vaughan and his incredible band Double Trouble, for the blessing you have given me and the rest of the world. Remember, music grows and breathes and loves, just as we do.
My surnames have included Zobel, Yetikevich, Jurkeweicsz, Conway, Davis, Barr, Smith and Vaughan coming by way of Israel to Poland to the United States. This would be my Jewish/Polish side. I am also black and part Native American Indian. I do not state African American because there is no way to track my ancestry to Africa. And then there is my Welsh side. Vaughan is a Welsh name. But all the names were changed several times within Europe and then changed again several times when my ancestors immigrated to the United States including myself. So getting to the story about SRV:
I have many relatives in the city of Chicago. They are Welsh. But since a large amount settled and still live in Chicago, many of them married Italians. Because this anecdote involves my Italian cousin who has an odd Italian name, I felt it necessary to state this. His first name is Deano. No his legal name is not Dean and we add the O, it is legally Deano. Now that he's in his 50's, how odd it must be having this name.
Throughout my youth I had always felt as if something was missing. I used to have these dreams/daydreams about holding a guitar. Though my family came from music, back to my great aunt singing with Frank Sinatra and the Rat Pack, all the way to the great Stevie Ray Vaughan, my life was revolved around sports. When I was 7 years old, I went to visit my family in Chicago. I was favored amongst my cousins and treated quite well. As we were vacationing there for around two weeks, my cousin Deano was and is a very wealthy and is still a quite spontaneous man.
He owns a Think Tank creating ideas for major companies such as Apple. Though it took a few days, he had convinced my parents to allow me to go to Austin, Texas with him. Though a road trip would have been fun, as a 7 year old, I don't think this is something my cousin Deano would wanted to undertake. Because of his company, he had access to a private jet. I was excited, yet nervous, for the first time being able to fly as one of my dreams was to be a fighter pilot. My cousin, Deano, wanted to culture me in the greatest music of all, the blues.
I have always been particular to the blues, but really had not understood the genres of music. Little did I know, Deano had taken me there to also introduce me to a long lost cousin. Though I can not remember the name of the bar, as I was very young, one day in the afternoon, Deano took me to a bar to get lunch. On the stage was a man sitting in a chair with his feet propped up on another chair, his hat was tilted downward and he was playing guitar. I did not know it at the time until getting into music later in life what guitar he was playing. As we listened for 45 minutes, my cousin Deano had grabbed a drink from the bar and asked me to walk up to the man playing the blues on stage. It was none other than Stevie Ray Vaughan.
Deano said, I want to introduce you to your cousin. And then I was introduced to SRV.
Of course, I simply called him Cousin Stevie. As he put his guitar in his case, downed the drink my cousin Deano had bought for him, the three of us had taken a walk. Cousin Stevie was kind and gentle. Humble and timid. Was very respectful, but also very convicted. We had walked around the city of Austin. I was introduced to many people. Later that evening I went to meet the rest of my family. Stevie's family. I was very nervous, not because of my cousin Stevie, as I had no idea of who he was other than my cousin, but the fact that I was timid myself, especially around new people, though they made me feel at home.
I have always been an honest person, but for some reason I had felt ashamed when asked a question. Stevie had asked me if I had a guitar. As he had jammed a little bit and let me play his. Though I'm sure what I was playing, as I knew nothing of music, was horrifying. When asked, I said yes I do. He had offered to give me an old electric and/or acoustic saying I could pick. I did not accept at this time. Later that night Stevie had a gig and I was allowed in the bar despite my age to watch because I was his cousin. Though I loved the music, the atmosphere was what I drowned myself in.
Skipping ahead, many years later and around the age of 21, I had picked up the guitar. As I stated, I was involved in sports, that was my passion. Before picking up the guitar I had three influences. Keb'Mo. Eric Clapton. And eventually my cousin Stevie Ray. What's interesting within this story is that I had no conception of who my cousin was. When I heard Eric Clapton play "Before You Accuse Me" electrically and then did some research as he was coming out with his "From the Cradle" blues album, I was hooked.
Unfortunately, at this time, my cousin Stevie had passed a few years prior. I had seen him several more times before his passing. I had learned a great deal from this on how we overlook those within our family that are the closest to us. I don't believe it's because we don't appreciate them or that we're so selfish within our own lives. For me, I believe it's because I looked at him as my cousin, not as the great SRV. I had built a good relationship with him. But unfortunately, through most of his life, he had suffered from drug abuse and alcoholism.
The last time I had seen him was in 1989, when he played at Austin City Limits. This is when I had realized what guitar he was playing a decade earlier. This guitar was his number one, the famous Fender Strat. Stevie had said that he had over 200 necks replaced on the body of the guitar, but he also had several different bodies for it. Then there was the time I finally took the gift. A multi-piece SRV number one, or in this case maybe number 151, guitar. Finally, I had bought one of his CDs. It was a remastered version of his greatest hits. I was blown away.
Though it took me about another year to really appreciate what he was doing and what he would have accomplished through his music if not for the horrible circumstances causing his death. Though I had an inside track on how he had gotten his sound. It had taken me years, as this was the sound that I wanted. But to take it to the next level to accomplish this. Though the equipment is a huge part of it, it is the technique and intensity that must be possessed. I was given the same gift as my cousin was. Unfortunately, my health has not allowed for many to see this gift, much less to even hear it. I have done most of my playing live, and there are very few recordings of me. Vocally, I have exceeded almost everybody. Musically, I am the only person that can be and has been legitimately compared to my own cousin. Throughout the years I have developed my own style as well, as when I came into my own, I had taken music to a new level.
The day that I am better is the day that this will be understood. Without having Stevie musically, but also as my cousin, I would not have been able to achieve this. So this is a great joy and anecdote, but there is a lesson to be learned here. Whether we are youthful, whether we are getting up in years, we must stop and take the time to appreciate everyone, especially those that are closest to us. If we don't, life will pass us by and we will lose out on so much if we do not seize these gifts.
If Stevie wasn't Stevie, would I or anyone else appreciate him for who he was and what he has left behind? If he was simply my cousin, but had never reached the level of success he did, if he never died, would he have had the influence on so many that he has now? And is this something that he wondered, being such a gentle, humble soul, when alive?
When our hearts are full of love and we are contributing with the gifts that we have been given by God, we will be filled with our purpose to share with others. It is very difficult to be sycophantic to your relative. But it seems to be very easy to pass on by not only their gifts and talents but their love, as we expect it to go on forever.
Due to my health, it has made me question a lot of different variables. Would my life be different today, would I even be sick if I had looked at life in this way, the way that I am asking you to look at it? The way that I now see clear as day? So this may be silly, but don't live your life in overcast. Not only appreciate the beauty of everyone, but look for it. Let it shine through.
As with many of my relatives that have passed early, again, I wonder how my life would be different if they were still alive. The ones that have the great heart like my cousin Stevie. The great hearts that I have inherited. And I surely do not want to pass without giving the gift that I have been given, but did not understand until it was too late. And as far as the people who loved my cousin, no, I will not sell you or give you that guitar. That is special to me. But I'm sure all of you have been given something in equivalence. Thank you so kindly for listening. And God Bless you all.
~Joshua Jet Vaughan~
Post Script: Another statement that I make is that to lead we must follow and to follow we must lead. Stevie was and is a leader. Understanding this concept through his faith of God and his discernment. Though we are similar in many ways, of course, I am my own man. So again, I would be remiss if I did not add in Chris Layton, Tommy Shannon, and eventually Reese Wymans. These men are an example of what I have just stated. The way they valued each other and, of course, Stevie. This is a perfect example of my saying to lead we must follow; to follow we must lead.
As many Stevie fans watch his live videos, they can see how his band simply sits back as Stevie takes the lead. But without their support, without the love they had for one another, the way that this would have affected them as men and as friends would have not allowed for the music that we love and enjoy from Stevie Ray Vaughan and Double Trouble today. Each man knew their place, as music, great music, that changed lives and is still changing them for the better was and is the goal, as today everyone wants to be their own "rockstar" dividing bands and music which is why music has no soul or life and nothing to give anymore.
To me this is an example of an appreciation for the love of friendship and family. As family comes in all different forms as well as friendship. Recently, my wife and I had attended the 2015 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction. As I was to play, because of my current health and just being released from the hospital, I was not capable. When inducted, the tears were flowing from everyone. SRV and Double Trouble's induction was the greatest moment of this evening.
I had asked Chris what it was like and though I don't feel comfortable sharing his personal feelings without permission I will say that what he stated is exactly what you would believe he felt. On a personal note, though it was a great ceremony, I was very disappointed with the people that were chosen to play Pride and Joy and Texas Flood. Because he was and is my cousin, I feel that I not only have the right, but the responsibility to state my opinion on this. It was lackluster at best. And frankly I was somewhat embarrassed. There is a particular person who was playing and before I state this, obviously none of this has to do with my cousin Jimmy or Double Trouble, the other artists that were chosen to play, specifically one, who I will not name, are a disappointment.
This one person, I am not speaking just about their musical ability, I am speaking of his personality. He often goes on record stating that no one has ever had or will ever have the ability to play with the same passion or intensity that Stevie did. Not only is this a comment made out of ignorance for his own inadequacies. It is a comment that I believe my cousin Stevie would be appalled by.
Though he might be under the delusion that he is giving a compliment, he is taking away from all the other musicians that have been influenced by SRV, that have spent night and day with the same passion, the intensity that Stevie had, but simply have not been heard yet. He is not understanding that because of Stevie, this has allowed people to take their music to the next level. Just as the same could be said by Stevie himself for his musical influences. Without those people, Stevie would not be what we know him to be musically or personally as a man.
Yes, him being my cousin has made me work to learn every song that he has ever recorded note for note, with the same phrasing, intensity and emotion. With my Strat and simply playing any amp with just a tube screamer, with my massive strings, so high off the fret board, I have taken what Stevie has done and he has empowered me with a passion and love to play my music and of course his, with the respect of doing him justice.
Of course, without SRV, could this be possible?
Maybe, maybe not.
But this does not apply because Stevie was and is an influence to every musician. And to every heart. This musician that states otherwise does not understand the gift that he has been given from SRV. And personally knowing this man, I believe that is his ego and lack of passion and love that made him state this selfish comment. When I listen to songs like Tightrope, or Texas Flood, or Pride and Joy, and then I listen to a song that is a sell out at it's best, as an example, Your Body Is A Wonderland, I feel no need to go on as I believe I have proven my point.
So all you musicians who are playing with the gift of intensity and passion, keep doing so. Listen to the men like Stevie who encourage you to go after it, to be an open channel, and never make statements to restrict others or put them in a box, as this would be considered discouragement. And personally, we must always try to surpass the greats that came before us within our own styles of music and personality. Because of the respect that we have for what they have passed on to us. Thank you my cousin Stevie Ray Vaughan and his incredible band Double Trouble, for the blessing you have given me and the rest of the world. Remember, music grows and breathes and loves, just as we do.
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
The Story of Joshua~ A Letter From his Wife part 1
From The GSET Team: We have had to repost this story, due to computer problems that occurred when Anna Bella had sent us this letter, via email, we only received bits and pieces of the story. We have edited it to it's original form, and reposted it so that it is complete. We apologize for any confusion.
To all of our friends and family,
I wanted to write and show everyone my point of view of the horrors that my husband has lived through. His humility doesn't always allow him to see just how amazing and miraculous his survival is each and everyday, however, I see that no man, woman or child could go through what he suffers, just on a day to day basis, and not only live; but survive with their sanity, their fight for life, and their fight for others in love.
Joshua and I met during the short period of time when he was in remission. We met a a local bar, though neither of us drink; we were there for the karaoke. I was 20 years old and Joshua was 34. I was just a baby then, but he had always captured my attention, I was just too unsure of myself and insecure to go and say something. One karaoke night, however, I looked at him. Really looked at him. His tall posture. Shoulders back. Holding himself at attention like a soldier, but somehow managing to look completely relaxed at the same time. Drinking an Orange Fanta out of a can. But what really made me look twice were his eyes. The most piercing blue eyes I have ever seen. And not just because they are beautiful, but because I saw a deep sadness and heaviness inside of them. This beautiful quiet man, who would always sit in the corner, was never sitting or talking with someone except the man who ran Karaoke , had a depth to his soul, a pain that I knew no one else could see, and my heart ached. I wanted to immediately go up to him and hold him until all of that pain disappeared.
I had walked up to him and said, "Joshua, why aren't you smiling? You should be smiling! Smile Josh!" And he looked up at me and it was over. I was a late bloomer of sorts. I had never had a real boyfriend before, but I wanted to reach out to this man and hold him, comfort him; and then, he smiled. The most dazzling smile that hit me like a ray of pure delight. I became giddy in the region of over the top giggling and fantasy world.
The first time we had spoken, I was there that night with a few of my friends, a blonde, another Korean. The next time he went up to sing, he said over the microphone, "Hey Bella," (I went by Bella at Karaoke) "Is that your sister?" I said, "No, It's just another Asian!" He thought he had offended me. So he stuttered over the microphone and said, "um, did you know that Bella means beautiful in Spanish?" We started talking, and were having a great time. So we decided to meet there the next night for karaoke too.
When I got there the next night Joshua hadn't arrived yet, however, I had come with a large group of people, about twenty total. I had dressed up to look hot. My outfit was a cross between a dirty librarian and a cowgirl. When he got there, I ran up to him and jumped into his arms! I was so excited that he was finally there. He was gorgeous wearing a white dago tee, with a white, blue plaid shirt unbuttoned halfway down, jeans, work boots, and a few rings and a cross necklace. He gave me a big hug back and picked me up off the ground. It was as though we had known each other forever. We signed up for our songs and started talking about everything possible. When he had asked me for my number, I quickly went over the table where my friends were and said, "quick someone give me a friggin napkin and pen" and then rushed back over to him where he was holding his cell phone. What is wrong with me? I thought. It's not as if I didn't grow up in the era where cell phones were common. Just type it into the contacts list. I was so embarrassed, but he was gracious and just gave me one of those billion dollar smiles again that made me feel warm inside, not like the warm butterflies of a crush, but a feeling I had never experienced before. .It was as though if he smiled, no matter what happened and what may be, everything would always be alright.
We both went up on stage and sang our songs. I had heard him before, I remembered that I had noticed him before, but this was different. It was as though my eyes and ears had been shut off, and I was truly seeing this man for the first time. He went from singing Steam Roller Blues, Just A Gigolo, Just the Way You Are, No Sugar Tonight by the Guess Who, to Centerfield by John Fogerty, then a complete 180 and sang Hallelujah by Rufus Wainwright with such power that the patrons of the bar were in tears, and then spun right back around singing Mack the Knife with a rasp that Bobby Darin would have killed to have. I was enraptured by his voice, his passion, his power, putting so much of his soul, heart, and body into the song that he would twitch as though having a seizure. I had never seen anything like it before. So many artists move on stage, and now these so called musicians all dance, but this was different. It was as though when he opened his mouth to let his voice ring, you were seeing a piece of his very spirit.
In between songs we would go outside onto the bar's patio. You could see in and out of the bar through huge windows looking out to the deck. We stood for a while talking, laughing, joking and laughing when my friend K came outside to join us; all 4'11" of her. She had blonde hair and blue eyes and she, was, wasted. She came up to me, gave me a huge hug, looked up at me and said, "Aren't you people supposed to be short?" I laughed so hard. Joshua laughed too, and it made him realize that he hadn't offended me at all the night before and he told me about what he had thought, we laughed so hard about it. We started really talking. Or rather, I did. I started rambling, on and on and on. I was never a big talker, and it was like 20 years of talking decided to pour out of me all at once. He was so gracious, smiling and nodding and encouraging me to talk. When I finally stopped to breathe he said, "It's like you are picturing the stories you are telling me in your head, but you are leaving out important details and I have no idea what you're talking about," he said laughing. Joshua said, "You know, I'd really like to kiss you right now, but I think your friends are watching us." We both looked towards the window, and all 20 of my friends were there, with their faces literally pressed up against the glass watching us. I told Joshua, "They've never seen me with a guy before, or even heard me talk about one." We stared back for a moment, but they had no humility at all and just stayed there, so we went back inside.
When karaoke finally had to close down, as all of the karaoke regulars would stay past last call singing, Joshua gave me a huge hug. The peace I felt. I had been scared all of my life, and I wouldn't have admitted it before, but I finally felt safe. I also could feel all of his rock hard muscle layered underneath his shirt. I couldn't even reach my arms around him, his chest and back were so big with a little itty bitty waist. I'd never seen a man before, I'd spent my life surrounded by boys. Suddenly, the words of a variety of girls and women in my past went through my head and I finally understood. How my girlfriends could talk about a guy's abs or butt for hours, or a camp counselor who had once said that running her hands down a man's back muscles was her favorite. It never truly clicked with me. But suddenly it was clear. I went outside and later Joshua would tell me that I had some very curious friends. One girlfriend in particular had been hitting on him all night and as soon as I was away from him, had come up behind him and started rubbing his shoulders. He immediately turned around and extended his hand for a handshake, they shook hands and Joshua said, "It was nice to meet you," and turned around to come after me, but there were so many people it was like a conga line to get out the door. As Joshua caught up with me outside the bar, hoping that I hadn't left yet he saw me and told me later it was a sigh of relief as I was talking with some friends and we immediately walked up to each other. (He later told me about this incident, not because he wanted to make me jealous, or for any reason other than he wanted me to know I was his and he was mine; forever.)
At karaoke I would go by just Bella. The night before I had told him that my first name was Anna. He texted me the next morning saying, "I couldn't wait the recommended 3 days to talk to you again. By the way do I call you Anna or Bella?" Even now my face burns from the sheer joy of his text. No games. Just Joshua. And he was choosing me? Why? I know I was an insecure child, but I looked at this beautiful man and at myself, and I was overweight, didn't take care of myself. And he chose me? It didn't make any sense to me and scared me, because I had never wanted or needed anything like I need him. He said that the first thing he saw was the beauty in my heart and that I was a natural beauty. That he could wake up next to me in the morning and I'd be just as beautiful as when I layed down to go to sleep, even more beautiful.
We talked every night for a week. I had always had trouble sleeping, my entire life it had been a few hours a night at most, but after talking to Joshua for 5 hours, I could fall asleep peacefully and for hours. He would talk to me until I fell asleep, his voice so beautiful, peaceful, deep and soothing. He would often talk to me long after I fell asleep, telling me he was already in love with me, but I was too far asleep to hear.
Shortly before we met, Joshua had been in a minor car accident. He had gone to the hospital and was given a prescription of pain medication. It had had a strange effect on him and he was hallucinating from it one night. I was on the phone with him, laying in my bed, and he told me that he saw Papa Smurf. A BIG Papa Smurf. Like 6'8" Papa Smurf. He told me that Papa Smurf kept teasing him about me. Every twenty minutes or so, Joshua would say, "Shut up Papa Smurf!" I was laughing so hard I was crying.
The second phone call he asked me to dinner the next week on my night off from work. At the time I was managing the guest services department at a major chain hotel and going to college full time. My nights off were Tuesday and Wednesday, the days I had my classes, and of course karaoke nights. It was one of the longest weeks of my young life. The nervous excitement, and during the time he kept recording short songs that he had written me on his phone and would send them to me at work. My nickname was Panda based on a long running joke from grade school based on an old Snickers commercial. One night he sent me a song he wrote called the Sleepy Panda Blues, because I had told him I was tired. It brightened up a long day at work. It also brightened up my day when he sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off, not out of arrogance, well, we'll call it confidence. Though the picture was meant just for me, I couldn't control myself and had to share it and show it off to every female that I worked with, it sure brightened their day as well. I kept asking advice from the girls I worked with about what to wear, what should I do? I had never been on a real date before. Not where the man comes to your door and picks you up, takes you out, drives you home, kisses you goodnight. I was nervous and so excited.
So Tuesday came. Date night. I skipped all of my classes that day and spent four hours getting ready. Showered twice. I had never spent more than fifteen minutes getting ready for anything, even prom. About an hour before he was supposed to pick me up he called. His father had run his truck off the road and Joshua had to go tow him out. Sure, I understand, is what I told him. And then collapsed sobbing. Of course, now I feel ridiculous because that's life, and Joshua doesn't have a lying bone in his body, but at the time I thought for sure he was standing me up. I ruined my meticulously applied makeup. I called my best friend at the time sobbing about it. She told me to get ahold of myself, take a shower, get a drink, and calm down. The voice of reason for the evening she said, if he was standing you up, he wouldn't have called. So buck up!
I did what she said, and Joshua continued to call me every half hour to let me know when he would be able to make it to me. It was getting late around 11pm, when he finally had managed to help his father out of the jam and quickly went home to shower and change. I had showered again and reapplied makeup and previously picked out outfit, something else I had never done before. We decided since it was getting late that I would meet him out at the bar where we met. I was so nervous driving out there. It was about a 30 minute drive for the both of us. The whole way wondering if I would be more nervous if I got there first or if he did. When I walked into the bar; he was there. Looking gorgeous like he had spent hours getting ready, instead of having spent just a few minutes after his good deed. My whole being sighed in relief. There was music playing and he was facing away from the door watching the television. I came up behind him and gave him a hug from behind, setting my head on his shoulder.
As we are sitting there, enjoying each other's company, obviously both overwhelmed because of the sparks that were flying, Joshua received a text message. Though he wanted to ignore it, he was afraid it might have had something to do with his family, as his mother was very ill. The text message said simply I love you. I asked who it was from. He said it was from M, his cat. I said to him, your cat sent you a text message? He said, no sadly M had had to be put down. I said So your dead cat sent you a text message? And he said, no it's from my nephew, pretending to be M to make me feel better. And I said, Okay so your nephew pretending to be your dead cat texted you. Got it.
Joshua did not speak a word for about five minutes, as I saw the sadness in his eyes. I took his head into my hands and layed it on my shoulder. Later he had told me that it made him feel completely at peace and that he had never felt that kind of love before. He then asked if we could go outside. So we went outside and though he himmed and hawed for a couple minutes he finally explained and apologized for having lied about the text message. He then went on to tell me who it was. It was a woman that he had met in a chatroom for a VH1 television show. Eventually they had exchanged numbers, in Joshua's mind it was just for friendship. Later on, he found out that that wasn't her intention and that she was married and told her that they can not speak any longer. He felt so horrible about having lied, and even though I had known it, he kept apologizing over and over. I told him it was okay. That was the only lie he's ever told me.
We went back inside the bar and sat down for a few minutes. He ordered us each a soda, me a Fanta, and him a Slice. It was the first time a man had ever bought me anything. As we were getting ready to leave Joshua said to me, I'd really like to kiss you now. I said, but there's people watching us. He said I don't care and kissed me. Our very first kiss was awkward (And neither of us count it). I had gotten into my head that everything had to be movie perfect, because Joshua's the perfect man. He had a full beard and mustache at the time. I had obviously kissed before, but never a man and never with facial hair. We pulled back and he immediately ran the his left hand up my neck under my hair to cusp my head and his right hand he placed gently on my check and pulled me forward, tilted my head and said, "That won't do. I can do better." The next kiss took my breath away and literally made me weak at the knees. We laughed about the first kiss, and agreed we wouldn't count that, and he had asked me what happened during it for me. I had mentioned to him about his mustache being a first for me.
We kissed goodnight after sharing orange Fantas and talking until the bar closed. We agreed to meet halfway again the next night at the casino. The next night when I got to the casino, he was already there minus the mustache. I didn't say anything to him about it, but to tell him he looked nice. He didn't say anything about it, but told me that I was beautiful. We played some of the video poker games and went to the restaurant. There were three girls and one guy with. I had to run to the gas station across the street. Joshua followed. He was leaning against his truck, he had taken off his shirt and was wearing just a dago tee (tank top/wife beater). He said I'm sorry I took my shirt off, it's getting a bit warm. I said, that's okay you can wear just that. Then we all went out to the bar where we had met, for karaoke night.
After karaoke we stepped outside to leave. I asked him if he wanted to come back to my apartment to hang out. He said, I get up early to work out, and then I help my dad out with work, and then I spend most of the evening working on my music and album. He kissed me and gave me a hug and was walking away to leave, but immediately turned back around and said, you know what? I'm coming over. So we headed back to my house talking the whole way there on our cell phones. We had heard Rockstar by Nickelback on the way to my place, listening to the same radio station while we were talking on the phone.(And for safety reasons on speaker phone, of course.) He had never heard it before and we had laughed at the lyrics together (I'll have the quesadilla, haha) I am a classically trained pianist, but fancied myself a guitar player with all of the skill and finese of the 3 chords that I knew at the time. My television was in my bedroom, and we headed up there where we were greeted by my very carefully and obviously placed acoustic guitar, tuned and out so that it was the first thing that you saw when you walked into the room. He had told me he was a guitarist, but being a musician, I was skeptical. Again, not knowing his talent at the time and that he never lies or exaggerates, I thought of how many of the boys I had grown up with thought they were guitarists. He asked me politely if he could play my guitar, picked it up, checked if it was in tune, and sat legs crossed on the floor of my room.
He immediately started playing the song Rockstar. His ear and mind are so quick and so in tune (his perfect pitch that I am jealous of) that as we had listened to it, not only had he figured out exactly how it went, but remembered all of the lyrics too, and played it for me! Everything was perfect. From the phrasing, to the rhythm and lead which he played at the same time, and he matched the singers voices spot on, including Billy Gibbons from ZZtop saying the fondly remembered Quesadilla, haha. I was in so much awe I had nothing to say. My friend, at the time, was looking through my closet for clothes that she could borrow. Though Joshua and I were so completely locked into each other, we forgot she was even there. She then said, I think I'll leave you two to have some alone time now. Joshua said to her, it was nice meeting you. My friend said that she was going to go hang out downstairs with my roommates. She then sent me a text that said He's a keeper don't let this one go saying other wonderful things that I read to him.
He immediately went into two songs by Stevie Ray Vaughan: Pride & Joy, and Texas Flood. I hadn't heard them before, but I have since, but never on an acoustic and never with the level of skill that he played while sitting Indian style on the floor.
He paused and said "Am I boring you?"
I said to him, "No, it's just so amazing"
Joshua said, "Well I told you I was a musician."
And I had replied, "Yeah, but everybody says that." having no idea what a real musician sounded like til that moment. It was flawless.
He asked me if I would play him a song, as obviously he knew I could, having owned the guitar. I picked it up, and sat on the edge of my bed, while he lay on the floor with one arm propping him up, and I played and sang for him Breathe (2am) by Anna Nalick. Later he would tell me that it was at that moment he knew that I was the one he was going to spend the rest of his life with and that he had fallen completely head over heels in love with me right there at that moment. His angel that he had been searching for his entire life.
He played me several songs that night, including a few of the very famous ones that he had written for friends. He ended with Oh, Darlin by the Beatles and I quietly started crying. I didn't let him see it, but I knew he knew. It had been the first time I cried, in I couldn't remember how long except (for our first date of course. He made me into a lady, in a good way.) Afterwards, we lay on my floor holding each other and talking about everything and anything. Confiding our secrets, and laughing about our pasts.
Our second date was just as crazy as the first, but this time it was my fault, but not all the blame fell on me. I was at work, and was going to meet Joshua after work for a movie and dinner. I had been feeling a little crummy, but I wasn't going to let anything stop me from seeing him. A couple hours before I would normally leave my oldest girl friend, J, came into my work. She asked if she could talk to me in private. I asked my girls at the front desk to take over for a few and went down to the restaurant we had in the hotel. We sat down and I got her some water. She said that she was really down and depressed. Her boyfriend had broken up with her recently, and she said that she was suicidal. I told her that I had a date with Joshua. She told me that she had heard that and asked to come along, she said that she didn't trust herself to be alone. I left to call Joshua, but my cell connection wasn't working, I thought okay well he won't mind. And honestly it would be a safety blanket so that I wouldn't do anything too stupid or embarrassing.
Joshua was so gracious, even with no warning, when I showed up with J, he didn't say a word. He had been waiting lying on the bench right inside the movie theatre, with his knees up and one arm under his neck, and one arm over his eyes. I told him what had happened with her and he was completely understanding about it. He was a little hurt, he had wanted to spend time with me, not with my friend, but he bought us both a ticket and food from the concession stand and the three of us went into see the movie 9. I had been looking forward to the movie coming out, I was intrigued by the story, and I was looking forward to the unique style of animation, little did I know that Joshua despises animated films. But he was a such good sport about it. He sat there and we held hands throughout the entire movie despite him being so uncomfortable because the seats were way too small. Being so muscular and tall at 6'3.5", 265lbs of rippling muscle, he had to slouch, and his legs were way out into the aisle, and the seats were hard and had no give. My poor Joshua.
After the movie, Joshua, J and I were standing outside in the parking light. It was way past dark. Right before I had left work, I had to call in our standby night worker at the last minute. We only had one person working at night, and she had had an emergency. However, our on call night auditor had only done the work a couple times. After the movie was over, I got a panicked call from work, and had to walk her through several tasks. While I was on the phone, J was over by Joshua. Leaning on my car, stretching up, lifting her shirt up and nearly flashing him. Later Joshua told me about it. I was pissed. I was pissed at her, and at myself. I had let myself be made a fool of by J, who had never been suicidal in the first place, but had come along for the sole purpose of trying to steal Joshua away from me. And I fell for it, because I was too busy running from my own heart. But Joshua was too smart. He knew the whole time what J was doing, and for that matter what I was doing, but he was patient and kind. He comforted me over my distress from the betrayal of the person who was supposed to be one of my best friends.
Neither of us were virgins when we met, but Joshua had taken a vow of celibacy for five years. He said that he wasn't going to have sex until he was married. But he told me that after meeting me, he changed it to not until he knew it was the person he was going to spend the rest of his life with and marry and he knew it was me. He's always believed there's a fine line between chivalry and chauvinism. The first night we were intimate, we didn't have sex. We were in my room at my apartment, and he said to me, "Take off your clothes." I said, "I don't think we should have sex, we barely know each other." and he said, "Take off your clothes now." I said, "Okay." He took of his shirt, but he turned his back. He said to me, "Don't look at my gut." And then he turned around. And I said, "Seriously?!?!? What gut? You don't have a gut you have an 8 pack, it's not even a 6 pack. I have a gut. You look like you're carved out of stone like a statue of a Greek God." And he said to me, "You don't have a gut, you're body is beautiful. Everything about you is beautiful." He came over to the bed, where I was laying naked, and he layed down with me and started rubbing his hands over my body. He complimented me on how beautiful and soft my skin was, and said that it was like moonlight. He ran his fingers gently over my face and said that he loved my little nose. And my beautiful eyes, and he said that we have the same size mouth and lips, and that we both have full cheeks. And he would kiss me and bite my tongue and nibble on my bottom lip and, well, we'll leave it at that (otherwise we'll have to change the age limit on this site.)
But he didn't take advantage of me. He was respectful and we held each other, but we didn't make love. As we were about to fall asleep he held me close and said, "I'm in love with you. I know you'll never love me as much as I love you, but maybe one day, if you can chisel some of the ice off of your heart, you'll learn to love me" I started crying. He then went on to tell me about the verse in the bible that stated that if your love is true, one person is enough. Enough for forever together, and enough for salvation.
The next day I prayed. I really prayed. I was so scared of what I was feeling. I had lived my life drowning in my own self-misery. I was afraid to feel safe, I was afraid to accept Joshua's love. I prayed to God, please give me an answer. Tell me it's okay to care, tell me it's okay to love him, that it is forever, that I don't have to be afraid that if I give him my heart that he'll disappear. All of a sudden a song came on the radio. It was Falling for you by Colbie Caillat. I started crying, I prayed, please God, I think this is the answer I was asking for, but please I need to know for certain. When the song was over Smile by Uncle Kracker came on. I knew this was the answer I was seeking. When I saw Joshua that night I told him "I love you" for the first time, it felt so natural, so normal, so right. I said it a dozen more times, just to try it out, to feel.
Things progressed really quickly for our relationship. After the first week, we spent every night together. The nights he couldn't come to me, I would drive the hour to him, and he would stay up all night waiting for me as I usually didn't get off work and out to him until 2am or much later. He was so patient and gracious, even after a full day of hard labor and working out to rehabilitate his body and then he would take care of me, making sure I eat, making sure that I slept, exercised, he brought me back to health and beyond any level of health and happiness that I had ever had before.
One night, while we were sleeping in bed together, I woke up out of a dead sleep and sat straight up. I had never felt the way I felt at that moment before. A peace in my heart. Joy. I got out of bed, leaving Joshua sleeping, and got out my computer and I wrote. I wrote of my love for Joshua, I wrote of the love that he showed me, I wrote of my renewed and now confirmed faith, and I wrote of the gift that God had given me in Joshua. Joshua woke and came out to find me and we talked. I read him what I had written and he told me, "That's love. That's faith. That's God." And he held me. He told me to never forget what that felt like, because though it may, and will probably fade, that it is never truly gone.
Joshua loves with a purity that just doesn't exist. Anybody can die for someone they love. But how many people exist that make the choice to live in torture for the one they love? Joshua is my angel, literally and in every sense and meaning of the word. He has saved my life a thousand times in a thousand ways, including when I went into a coma. Nobody loves as purely as he. No one gives as generously as he. And no one else would be willing to sacrifice their health to try to reach someone's heart, not to save their life, but to save their soul.
.......To Be Continued......
~Anna Bella Vaughan
At karaoke I would go by just Bella. The night before I had told him that my first name was Anna. He texted me the next morning saying, "I couldn't wait the recommended 3 days to talk to you again. By the way do I call you Anna or Bella?" Even now my face burns from the sheer joy of his text. No games. Just Joshua. And he was choosing me? Why? I know I was an insecure child, but I looked at this beautiful man and at myself, and I was overweight, didn't take care of myself. And he chose me? It didn't make any sense to me and scared me, because I had never wanted or needed anything like I need him. He said that the first thing he saw was the beauty in my heart and that I was a natural beauty. That he could wake up next to me in the morning and I'd be just as beautiful as when I layed down to go to sleep, even more beautiful.
We talked every night for a week. I had always had trouble sleeping, my entire life it had been a few hours a night at most, but after talking to Joshua for 5 hours, I could fall asleep peacefully and for hours. He would talk to me until I fell asleep, his voice so beautiful, peaceful, deep and soothing. He would often talk to me long after I fell asleep, telling me he was already in love with me, but I was too far asleep to hear.
Shortly before we met, Joshua had been in a minor car accident. He had gone to the hospital and was given a prescription of pain medication. It had had a strange effect on him and he was hallucinating from it one night. I was on the phone with him, laying in my bed, and he told me that he saw Papa Smurf. A BIG Papa Smurf. Like 6'8" Papa Smurf. He told me that Papa Smurf kept teasing him about me. Every twenty minutes or so, Joshua would say, "Shut up Papa Smurf!" I was laughing so hard I was crying.
The second phone call he asked me to dinner the next week on my night off from work. At the time I was managing the guest services department at a major chain hotel and going to college full time. My nights off were Tuesday and Wednesday, the days I had my classes, and of course karaoke nights. It was one of the longest weeks of my young life. The nervous excitement, and during the time he kept recording short songs that he had written me on his phone and would send them to me at work. My nickname was Panda based on a long running joke from grade school based on an old Snickers commercial. One night he sent me a song he wrote called the Sleepy Panda Blues, because I had told him I was tired. It brightened up a long day at work. It also brightened up my day when he sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off, not out of arrogance, well, we'll call it confidence. Though the picture was meant just for me, I couldn't control myself and had to share it and show it off to every female that I worked with, it sure brightened their day as well. I kept asking advice from the girls I worked with about what to wear, what should I do? I had never been on a real date before. Not where the man comes to your door and picks you up, takes you out, drives you home, kisses you goodnight. I was nervous and so excited.
So Tuesday came. Date night. I skipped all of my classes that day and spent four hours getting ready. Showered twice. I had never spent more than fifteen minutes getting ready for anything, even prom. About an hour before he was supposed to pick me up he called. His father had run his truck off the road and Joshua had to go tow him out. Sure, I understand, is what I told him. And then collapsed sobbing. Of course, now I feel ridiculous because that's life, and Joshua doesn't have a lying bone in his body, but at the time I thought for sure he was standing me up. I ruined my meticulously applied makeup. I called my best friend at the time sobbing about it. She told me to get ahold of myself, take a shower, get a drink, and calm down. The voice of reason for the evening she said, if he was standing you up, he wouldn't have called. So buck up!
I did what she said, and Joshua continued to call me every half hour to let me know when he would be able to make it to me. It was getting late around 11pm, when he finally had managed to help his father out of the jam and quickly went home to shower and change. I had showered again and reapplied makeup and previously picked out outfit, something else I had never done before. We decided since it was getting late that I would meet him out at the bar where we met. I was so nervous driving out there. It was about a 30 minute drive for the both of us. The whole way wondering if I would be more nervous if I got there first or if he did. When I walked into the bar; he was there. Looking gorgeous like he had spent hours getting ready, instead of having spent just a few minutes after his good deed. My whole being sighed in relief. There was music playing and he was facing away from the door watching the television. I came up behind him and gave him a hug from behind, setting my head on his shoulder.
As we are sitting there, enjoying each other's company, obviously both overwhelmed because of the sparks that were flying, Joshua received a text message. Though he wanted to ignore it, he was afraid it might have had something to do with his family, as his mother was very ill. The text message said simply I love you. I asked who it was from. He said it was from M, his cat. I said to him, your cat sent you a text message? He said, no sadly M had had to be put down. I said So your dead cat sent you a text message? And he said, no it's from my nephew, pretending to be M to make me feel better. And I said, Okay so your nephew pretending to be your dead cat texted you. Got it.
Joshua did not speak a word for about five minutes, as I saw the sadness in his eyes. I took his head into my hands and layed it on my shoulder. Later he had told me that it made him feel completely at peace and that he had never felt that kind of love before. He then asked if we could go outside. So we went outside and though he himmed and hawed for a couple minutes he finally explained and apologized for having lied about the text message. He then went on to tell me who it was. It was a woman that he had met in a chatroom for a VH1 television show. Eventually they had exchanged numbers, in Joshua's mind it was just for friendship. Later on, he found out that that wasn't her intention and that she was married and told her that they can not speak any longer. He felt so horrible about having lied, and even though I had known it, he kept apologizing over and over. I told him it was okay. That was the only lie he's ever told me.
We went back inside the bar and sat down for a few minutes. He ordered us each a soda, me a Fanta, and him a Slice. It was the first time a man had ever bought me anything. As we were getting ready to leave Joshua said to me, I'd really like to kiss you now. I said, but there's people watching us. He said I don't care and kissed me. Our very first kiss was awkward (And neither of us count it). I had gotten into my head that everything had to be movie perfect, because Joshua's the perfect man. He had a full beard and mustache at the time. I had obviously kissed before, but never a man and never with facial hair. We pulled back and he immediately ran the his left hand up my neck under my hair to cusp my head and his right hand he placed gently on my check and pulled me forward, tilted my head and said, "That won't do. I can do better." The next kiss took my breath away and literally made me weak at the knees. We laughed about the first kiss, and agreed we wouldn't count that, and he had asked me what happened during it for me. I had mentioned to him about his mustache being a first for me.
We kissed goodnight after sharing orange Fantas and talking until the bar closed. We agreed to meet halfway again the next night at the casino. The next night when I got to the casino, he was already there minus the mustache. I didn't say anything to him about it, but to tell him he looked nice. He didn't say anything about it, but told me that I was beautiful. We played some of the video poker games and went to the restaurant. There were three girls and one guy with. I had to run to the gas station across the street. Joshua followed. He was leaning against his truck, he had taken off his shirt and was wearing just a dago tee (tank top/wife beater). He said I'm sorry I took my shirt off, it's getting a bit warm. I said, that's okay you can wear just that. Then we all went out to the bar where we had met, for karaoke night.
After karaoke we stepped outside to leave. I asked him if he wanted to come back to my apartment to hang out. He said, I get up early to work out, and then I help my dad out with work, and then I spend most of the evening working on my music and album. He kissed me and gave me a hug and was walking away to leave, but immediately turned back around and said, you know what? I'm coming over. So we headed back to my house talking the whole way there on our cell phones. We had heard Rockstar by Nickelback on the way to my place, listening to the same radio station while we were talking on the phone.(And for safety reasons on speaker phone, of course.) He had never heard it before and we had laughed at the lyrics together (I'll have the quesadilla, haha) I am a classically trained pianist, but fancied myself a guitar player with all of the skill and finese of the 3 chords that I knew at the time. My television was in my bedroom, and we headed up there where we were greeted by my very carefully and obviously placed acoustic guitar, tuned and out so that it was the first thing that you saw when you walked into the room. He had told me he was a guitarist, but being a musician, I was skeptical. Again, not knowing his talent at the time and that he never lies or exaggerates, I thought of how many of the boys I had grown up with thought they were guitarists. He asked me politely if he could play my guitar, picked it up, checked if it was in tune, and sat legs crossed on the floor of my room.
He immediately started playing the song Rockstar. His ear and mind are so quick and so in tune (his perfect pitch that I am jealous of) that as we had listened to it, not only had he figured out exactly how it went, but remembered all of the lyrics too, and played it for me! Everything was perfect. From the phrasing, to the rhythm and lead which he played at the same time, and he matched the singers voices spot on, including Billy Gibbons from ZZtop saying the fondly remembered Quesadilla, haha. I was in so much awe I had nothing to say. My friend, at the time, was looking through my closet for clothes that she could borrow. Though Joshua and I were so completely locked into each other, we forgot she was even there. She then said, I think I'll leave you two to have some alone time now. Joshua said to her, it was nice meeting you. My friend said that she was going to go hang out downstairs with my roommates. She then sent me a text that said He's a keeper don't let this one go saying other wonderful things that I read to him.
He immediately went into two songs by Stevie Ray Vaughan: Pride & Joy, and Texas Flood. I hadn't heard them before, but I have since, but never on an acoustic and never with the level of skill that he played while sitting Indian style on the floor.
He paused and said "Am I boring you?"
I said to him, "No, it's just so amazing"
Joshua said, "Well I told you I was a musician."
And I had replied, "Yeah, but everybody says that." having no idea what a real musician sounded like til that moment. It was flawless.
He asked me if I would play him a song, as obviously he knew I could, having owned the guitar. I picked it up, and sat on the edge of my bed, while he lay on the floor with one arm propping him up, and I played and sang for him Breathe (2am) by Anna Nalick. Later he would tell me that it was at that moment he knew that I was the one he was going to spend the rest of his life with and that he had fallen completely head over heels in love with me right there at that moment. His angel that he had been searching for his entire life.
He played me several songs that night, including a few of the very famous ones that he had written for friends. He ended with Oh, Darlin by the Beatles and I quietly started crying. I didn't let him see it, but I knew he knew. It had been the first time I cried, in I couldn't remember how long except (for our first date of course. He made me into a lady, in a good way.) Afterwards, we lay on my floor holding each other and talking about everything and anything. Confiding our secrets, and laughing about our pasts.
Our second date was just as crazy as the first, but this time it was my fault, but not all the blame fell on me. I was at work, and was going to meet Joshua after work for a movie and dinner. I had been feeling a little crummy, but I wasn't going to let anything stop me from seeing him. A couple hours before I would normally leave my oldest girl friend, J, came into my work. She asked if she could talk to me in private. I asked my girls at the front desk to take over for a few and went down to the restaurant we had in the hotel. We sat down and I got her some water. She said that she was really down and depressed. Her boyfriend had broken up with her recently, and she said that she was suicidal. I told her that I had a date with Joshua. She told me that she had heard that and asked to come along, she said that she didn't trust herself to be alone. I left to call Joshua, but my cell connection wasn't working, I thought okay well he won't mind. And honestly it would be a safety blanket so that I wouldn't do anything too stupid or embarrassing.
Joshua was so gracious, even with no warning, when I showed up with J, he didn't say a word. He had been waiting lying on the bench right inside the movie theatre, with his knees up and one arm under his neck, and one arm over his eyes. I told him what had happened with her and he was completely understanding about it. He was a little hurt, he had wanted to spend time with me, not with my friend, but he bought us both a ticket and food from the concession stand and the three of us went into see the movie 9. I had been looking forward to the movie coming out, I was intrigued by the story, and I was looking forward to the unique style of animation, little did I know that Joshua despises animated films. But he was a such good sport about it. He sat there and we held hands throughout the entire movie despite him being so uncomfortable because the seats were way too small. Being so muscular and tall at 6'3.5", 265lbs of rippling muscle, he had to slouch, and his legs were way out into the aisle, and the seats were hard and had no give. My poor Joshua.
After the movie, Joshua, J and I were standing outside in the parking light. It was way past dark. Right before I had left work, I had to call in our standby night worker at the last minute. We only had one person working at night, and she had had an emergency. However, our on call night auditor had only done the work a couple times. After the movie was over, I got a panicked call from work, and had to walk her through several tasks. While I was on the phone, J was over by Joshua. Leaning on my car, stretching up, lifting her shirt up and nearly flashing him. Later Joshua told me about it. I was pissed. I was pissed at her, and at myself. I had let myself be made a fool of by J, who had never been suicidal in the first place, but had come along for the sole purpose of trying to steal Joshua away from me. And I fell for it, because I was too busy running from my own heart. But Joshua was too smart. He knew the whole time what J was doing, and for that matter what I was doing, but he was patient and kind. He comforted me over my distress from the betrayal of the person who was supposed to be one of my best friends.
Neither of us were virgins when we met, but Joshua had taken a vow of celibacy for five years. He said that he wasn't going to have sex until he was married. But he told me that after meeting me, he changed it to not until he knew it was the person he was going to spend the rest of his life with and marry and he knew it was me. He's always believed there's a fine line between chivalry and chauvinism. The first night we were intimate, we didn't have sex. We were in my room at my apartment, and he said to me, "Take off your clothes." I said, "I don't think we should have sex, we barely know each other." and he said, "Take off your clothes now." I said, "Okay." He took of his shirt, but he turned his back. He said to me, "Don't look at my gut." And then he turned around. And I said, "Seriously?!?!? What gut? You don't have a gut you have an 8 pack, it's not even a 6 pack. I have a gut. You look like you're carved out of stone like a statue of a Greek God." And he said to me, "You don't have a gut, you're body is beautiful. Everything about you is beautiful." He came over to the bed, where I was laying naked, and he layed down with me and started rubbing his hands over my body. He complimented me on how beautiful and soft my skin was, and said that it was like moonlight. He ran his fingers gently over my face and said that he loved my little nose. And my beautiful eyes, and he said that we have the same size mouth and lips, and that we both have full cheeks. And he would kiss me and bite my tongue and nibble on my bottom lip and, well, we'll leave it at that (otherwise we'll have to change the age limit on this site.)
But he didn't take advantage of me. He was respectful and we held each other, but we didn't make love. As we were about to fall asleep he held me close and said, "I'm in love with you. I know you'll never love me as much as I love you, but maybe one day, if you can chisel some of the ice off of your heart, you'll learn to love me" I started crying. He then went on to tell me about the verse in the bible that stated that if your love is true, one person is enough. Enough for forever together, and enough for salvation.
The next day I prayed. I really prayed. I was so scared of what I was feeling. I had lived my life drowning in my own self-misery. I was afraid to feel safe, I was afraid to accept Joshua's love. I prayed to God, please give me an answer. Tell me it's okay to care, tell me it's okay to love him, that it is forever, that I don't have to be afraid that if I give him my heart that he'll disappear. All of a sudden a song came on the radio. It was Falling for you by Colbie Caillat. I started crying, I prayed, please God, I think this is the answer I was asking for, but please I need to know for certain. When the song was over Smile by Uncle Kracker came on. I knew this was the answer I was seeking. When I saw Joshua that night I told him "I love you" for the first time, it felt so natural, so normal, so right. I said it a dozen more times, just to try it out, to feel.
Things progressed really quickly for our relationship. After the first week, we spent every night together. The nights he couldn't come to me, I would drive the hour to him, and he would stay up all night waiting for me as I usually didn't get off work and out to him until 2am or much later. He was so patient and gracious, even after a full day of hard labor and working out to rehabilitate his body and then he would take care of me, making sure I eat, making sure that I slept, exercised, he brought me back to health and beyond any level of health and happiness that I had ever had before.
One night, while we were sleeping in bed together, I woke up out of a dead sleep and sat straight up. I had never felt the way I felt at that moment before. A peace in my heart. Joy. I got out of bed, leaving Joshua sleeping, and got out my computer and I wrote. I wrote of my love for Joshua, I wrote of the love that he showed me, I wrote of my renewed and now confirmed faith, and I wrote of the gift that God had given me in Joshua. Joshua woke and came out to find me and we talked. I read him what I had written and he told me, "That's love. That's faith. That's God." And he held me. He told me to never forget what that felt like, because though it may, and will probably fade, that it is never truly gone.
Joshua loves with a purity that just doesn't exist. Anybody can die for someone they love. But how many people exist that make the choice to live in torture for the one they love? Joshua is my angel, literally and in every sense and meaning of the word. He has saved my life a thousand times in a thousand ways, including when I went into a coma. Nobody loves as purely as he. No one gives as generously as he. And no one else would be willing to sacrifice their health to try to reach someone's heart, not to save their life, but to save their soul.
.......To Be Continued......
~Anna Bella Vaughan
Monday, February 2, 2015
The Story of Joshua~Intro and Chapter 1
As our team has been reading through everyone's submissions (and thank you so much to everyone who has submitted a story so far) we would like to share with you the story of the man who created the idea and vision of "The Greatest Stories Ever Told" project. Joshua is an amazing man who has been through and is still going through a tormentous journey; fighting for his life. He has spent his life fighting for himself, and even when it puts his life in jeopardy, fighting for others. He is the inspiration to our entire team and we are blessed not just to know him, but to carry out his vision and to share with you the story of this awe-inspiring man.
Over the next few weeks while the submitted stories are edited, reviewed, and we contact the authors for permission rights, we'd like share pieces of his long, tribulation filled journey. We hope that it inspires you and lifts you up like he does for us each and every day.
This is the beginning...
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's hard to begin a story where the hero is a man who has more grace and patience than a man should be capable of. It's hard to begin when the story of the horrors he has lived through at the hands of people who should have taken care of him are immense and numerous.
Since before birth, Death has been aching for Joshua's life. Joshua was almost never born, and the world would be a much worse off place if that were so. The night his mother went into labor there was a terrible snow storm. His father, driving the car, hit a patch of ice, slid, and hit another car. This happened to be a police officer vehicle. The police officer assisted them on making it to the hospital, wrote Joshua's father a ticket, and Joshua was born. The story was so remarkable that it made the front page on every local newspaper, and was picked up and run in several national papers as well. The headline: Joshua Arrives!
Joshua has always been an incredibly gifted and advanced person. He was walking and talking at 8 months old. During this time, furnaces would commonly have to be stoked by using a small amount of fuel oil. His relative would keep a small amount of fuel oil in an opened soup can next to the furnace for that purpose. Joshua had decided to drink it. (I imagine he would jokingly say, way ahead of the curve huh?) Well, he immediately turned blue, was rushed to the hospital, but evaded Death's grasp once again. The interesting part is that no one had spoken of this til he had mentioned it at the age of 4, remembering everything.
He spent his youth neglected and ignored by his family, except when there was a need for someone to blame. His heart reached out, though, and saw none of it as neglect, but just the way things were. His capability for forgiveness of crimes against his innocence astounds me every day. When he was 5 years old he started working in the woods with his father, a logger and woodcutter, doing harder labor than most adult men will ever see in their lifetime. But as a child he lifted, threw, and chopped wood with the endurance that adults couldn't handle, because he had to.
At the age of 8, a neighbor boy by the name of Tommy, lifted him up by the head, shaking him. He jostled him around in this manner, kinking up Joshua's little neck and body. It was the beginning of summer and he spent the rest of it in bed suffering from horrible migraines and sickness. He still has migraines to this day. He was never taken to a doctor or a hospital, but lived by his family's motto of walking it off.
During the winter of his 8th year, Joshua attended a youth group outing. They were playing basketball in the gym when he and the youth pastor tripped over each other and fell to the ground. Joshua got up laughing, as children do when such an incident occurs, but the pastor was enraged. He took Joshua by the throat and threw him down a flight of stairs. Afterwards picking him up, again by the throat, dragging him to another flight of stairs and throwing him down those. The pastor picked up a dazed and confused Joshua and slammed him into a chair, bleeding, and told him that if he got out of the chair before he was given permission that the pastor would kill him. Joshua's older sister, who was also at the event did nothing. The pastor offered his sister to give them both a ride home, and on the way stopped at another patron of the church's house. They stayed inside for three hours, while Joshua sat in the shut off car, while it was well below zero outside. When he got home, and told his parents what had happened, because his face was black and blue, they told him they would go to the church deacons to report what had happened. When the pastor came over the next day, Joshua's father asked him about the incident, and the pastor not only admitted to it, but said that he would do it again. Nothing else was said about it for 20 years. When a friend of the family brought up Joshua's name, the pastor wife replied, yes we had an incident with him before. How tough this grown 30 something man must have felt nearly killing an 8 year old boy.
To be continued...
Over the next few weeks while the submitted stories are edited, reviewed, and we contact the authors for permission rights, we'd like share pieces of his long, tribulation filled journey. We hope that it inspires you and lifts you up like he does for us each and every day.
This is the beginning...
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's hard to begin a story where the hero is a man who has more grace and patience than a man should be capable of. It's hard to begin when the story of the horrors he has lived through at the hands of people who should have taken care of him are immense and numerous.
Since before birth, Death has been aching for Joshua's life. Joshua was almost never born, and the world would be a much worse off place if that were so. The night his mother went into labor there was a terrible snow storm. His father, driving the car, hit a patch of ice, slid, and hit another car. This happened to be a police officer vehicle. The police officer assisted them on making it to the hospital, wrote Joshua's father a ticket, and Joshua was born. The story was so remarkable that it made the front page on every local newspaper, and was picked up and run in several national papers as well. The headline: Joshua Arrives!
Joshua has always been an incredibly gifted and advanced person. He was walking and talking at 8 months old. During this time, furnaces would commonly have to be stoked by using a small amount of fuel oil. His relative would keep a small amount of fuel oil in an opened soup can next to the furnace for that purpose. Joshua had decided to drink it. (I imagine he would jokingly say, way ahead of the curve huh?) Well, he immediately turned blue, was rushed to the hospital, but evaded Death's grasp once again. The interesting part is that no one had spoken of this til he had mentioned it at the age of 4, remembering everything.
He spent his youth neglected and ignored by his family, except when there was a need for someone to blame. His heart reached out, though, and saw none of it as neglect, but just the way things were. His capability for forgiveness of crimes against his innocence astounds me every day. When he was 5 years old he started working in the woods with his father, a logger and woodcutter, doing harder labor than most adult men will ever see in their lifetime. But as a child he lifted, threw, and chopped wood with the endurance that adults couldn't handle, because he had to.
At the age of 8, a neighbor boy by the name of Tommy, lifted him up by the head, shaking him. He jostled him around in this manner, kinking up Joshua's little neck and body. It was the beginning of summer and he spent the rest of it in bed suffering from horrible migraines and sickness. He still has migraines to this day. He was never taken to a doctor or a hospital, but lived by his family's motto of walking it off.
During the winter of his 8th year, Joshua attended a youth group outing. They were playing basketball in the gym when he and the youth pastor tripped over each other and fell to the ground. Joshua got up laughing, as children do when such an incident occurs, but the pastor was enraged. He took Joshua by the throat and threw him down a flight of stairs. Afterwards picking him up, again by the throat, dragging him to another flight of stairs and throwing him down those. The pastor picked up a dazed and confused Joshua and slammed him into a chair, bleeding, and told him that if he got out of the chair before he was given permission that the pastor would kill him. Joshua's older sister, who was also at the event did nothing. The pastor offered his sister to give them both a ride home, and on the way stopped at another patron of the church's house. They stayed inside for three hours, while Joshua sat in the shut off car, while it was well below zero outside. When he got home, and told his parents what had happened, because his face was black and blue, they told him they would go to the church deacons to report what had happened. When the pastor came over the next day, Joshua's father asked him about the incident, and the pastor not only admitted to it, but said that he would do it again. Nothing else was said about it for 20 years. When a friend of the family brought up Joshua's name, the pastor wife replied, yes we had an incident with him before. How tough this grown 30 something man must have felt nearly killing an 8 year old boy.
To be continued...
Sunday, February 1, 2015
The Story of Joshua~Detailed story of the Tubing Incident
 |
| Example of a 185 hsp Engine Bass Boat |
The family had cared nothing of him, and using all the strength he had, he was forced to walk home. No one amongst the hundreds of 4th of July celebrators noticed this broken young man struggling to make his way home, struggling to breathe, suffering from injuries that no young body could handle.
As his yard and both homes were filled with campers, tents and all bedrooms were taken; he immediately went into his parents bed to lay down. Several hours had passed before it was even noticed that he was not amongst all the family and friends.
As they were partying and having a good time, until around 4 am where finally his parents came in and reclaimed their bedroom. As his bedroom was taken up by relatives, he was forced to sleep on the floor, as people would come in and out of the home all hours of the day and night to use the rest room and to grab food. Where daily he would return to his parents bed.
No attention was given to him at all. Though at this time, praying, shedding a tear was not a possibility for it was not accepted. At this age, he was considered to be a grown man. And to suck it up.
And though knowing that this was not right, he had entrusted his family for knowing what was best. This, with many more tragedies has affected his health for years to come up until this very moment and continuing. One of the characteristics that he has stood by with conviction comes from incidences like this. To never ignore, to never take for granted, to always keep your word, to be trustworthy, to always speak the truth and back it up with your actions. Giving him an understanding of human nature, yet a confusion that still lies in his heart today.
Just one of the many stories that has made him who he is. Always allowing and embracing the weight of the world on his shoulders. Though he wants to live, fulfill his dreams and goals; he has understood that one of his purposes in life, no matter what he is going through is to be there for someone when no one else will. No matter what the cost. This is not just to tell you about his pain, his sufferings, but as you will see in the end result that no matter what you go through; there is a purpose bigger than yourself. The potential, the dreams and goals of others that have not been met, because of illness. Because of our own selves, because of others. Our needs met and changed. Standing on one foundation. That foundation is love.
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Joshua's Joys Sidenotes
Through talking of his struggles and tragedies, which there is so much more, much of it would be considered horror and torture; there were also moments of joy and levity. One instance, as Joshua's fighting always for his health and for others, at the age of 13 at only 4'10" his two passions and dreams were to be a fighter pilot and a professional basketball player. He had scored 51 points in a game as such a little man setting a national record; and through a wonderful man (who at the time was his school counselor) had applied him for something called Who's Who among Student Athletes. In all the schools through the nation from 7th grade through 12th grade and all the different classes from D to A, only 100 people were selected to fit in the category and receive this award; which at the time was reviewed by the President and his council. Joshua was one of those hundred people. Yet, still struggling with adversity and always trying to improve himself and living his life to help others; the one thing he still speaks of is the wonderful man, Mr. Graves his counselor, who had treated him so well and felt so wonderful to have this man think of him in such a nice way and take the time to do this for him. Seeing the potential , talent, and kind heartedness for Joshua and wanting the world to see. But the experience that he holds in his heart is with his counselor Mr. Graves who had recently passed. There will be more to come about this anecdote as well as others .
A special thank you to Russell Graves; who took the time to make a difference in a young man's life and has done so much more for Joshua as well which will be added shortly. As will other people who have influenced him throughout his life, including many great people and friends through social media via Twitter, Facebook, etc.
A special thank you to Russell Graves; who took the time to make a difference in a young man's life and has done so much more for Joshua as well which will be added shortly. As will other people who have influenced him throughout his life, including many great people and friends through social media via Twitter, Facebook, etc.
Sunday, December 14, 2014
Speaking through your heart to make the world a little lighter.
I have started this blog for many reasons. There is much I have to say, yet more I would love to hear. I believe everyone has a story to tell. Good and Bad. We all have a voice and we all need to be heard. Here is your chance to share and care. With and for the people of this world. Whether it's funny, sad, happy, joyful, whether you're hurt, angry. If you're need is to share your dreams, to share your heart, simply to be heard. This is the place that you can call home. We are all ordinary; it is what we do that makes us extraordinary. Whether you are famous, rich, poor, lonely: through this we will all become a family. What we must learn is simple. Our words and our actions are only as good as the heart behind them. To lead we must follow. To follow we must lead. To realize that we know everything by understanding that we know nothing. And to realize that you are perfect by understanding that we will never reach perfection. Everyone has a story to tell. Here is your chance. We are here to learn and love through the grace of God.
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