Whether you consider this a poem, a muse, a declaration. It is the truth of humanity, of life and of our connected souls that we remove from each other. You are born within horrible circumstances; almost a mistake, but you manage to survive. You are different, innocent, without corruption or failure; living with a heart that is so huge and with so much love it can not and will not be penetrated. It is not cold, it is not made of steel, it is simply fulfilled. Inside of this heart is a natural born spirit. It is held with strength and grace. And this heart will not withhold it from others. From the beginning of time, of your time on this planet: you see the world in all its beauty and its truth. You never waver. You strive for your dreams and goals. But your purpose is to help others achieve theirs. You are filled with joy when others accomplish, when others succeed. No matter what a person says or does in the negative, it affects you none. No matter what a person says or does in the positive, you were born knowing who you are so it affects you none just the same. You live your life righteously. An angel among men. As you grow older your perseverance is unprecedented. You start to realize that your heart is of steel. Your spirit manipulates this at will. The love that you hold in your heart is constantly being released. You hold so much that the need for it from others is simply not needed. But that's what the steel is telling you. You were born with illness. You were born with special needs. You are a person that is classified as having special needs. This applies to the politically correct word that causes judgment and ignorance. You are gifted by the hand of God Himself. Unique and perfect in every way. You're still getting older. As time on this planet will never cease to exist until it does. Eventually the confusion within your head and your heart sets in. A corruption of oneself through years of suffering; and it's recognized by those who know you, and do not, as a dramatic change that has happened overnight. And when do you really know anyone? You do so when you look inside yourself and realize we are all the same through our differences. You do not recognize yourself. You were born with an understanding of human nature that is unparalleled. These imperfections had never applied to you. From the common usage of curse words that were never part of your vocabulary. The feeling of defeat and hatred that you knew nothing of. But now has become relentless in its pursuit to hinder your righteousness. Your life has turned from dreams and goals to strive into what we would call hell just to survive. Throughout your fight, as you never want, and have only, always, just needed; your want is now uncontrollable and insatiable. You are ill. On the brink. Facing life and death. But at this time, this does not bother you. Suffering. That is your degradation. Your kryptonite. Year after year you seek help, medical help, because you have adapted, be cause you have strength and grace, you hear the statement over and over: you can not possibly be sick. You are too smart, you are too muscular, you are crossing your feet as if relaxed. Sick people don't do this. And then your revelation, you realize how different you are. You realize exactly how well you understood, but still will never understand the truth of inhumanity. You welcome death, but fight for life. Your existence is to succeed; become a superstar. To help others do the same, to become the same. You climb the mountain and get knocked down, having to start all over again. But now you are so beaten you are crawling up that mountain at a snail's pace. Your physical strength has diminished; your hope is lingering, for your suffering knows no bounds and you know what is awaiting you at the top of the mountain. Something happens. You find love. True love. Someone who accepts you just the way you are. Your strength is exhausted for them. The corruption of your will becomes stronger. And now your pace is of a break neck. You have moments of surreality. You ask how can this be? But you can't stop now. Why is this? Because you were gifted true love. It will not let you fail. She will not let you fail. But now it is two who must suffer. Just like I have been stating or perhaps using the word you, your words and your actions are overwhelmed as you speak more abruptly, as you become jaded; again, you use curse words to explain the relevance of your pain. Yet, it can not be explained. And to another it will never be revealed in its truth. Many people are born with what we now call special needs. They used to be called retarded, then handicapped. Just like those who have been given an extraordinary gift, incredible perception, understanding and love, they are binded and are bound by their illness. Someone who has mental disabilities, it affects them physically. And physical disabilities that affect them mentally. They seem to have no understanding, they have outbursts. How much of this is their disease or how much of this is their frustration for the fact that they know so much and love so much, but can not express it because their mind and body again is corrupted with illness. The person who is never seen as weak; who everybody goes to with their problems no matter how sick they are, who in their health embraces all of this as a gift. Who is so intelligent, so articulate, so strong and full of grace, so special, but now, because of their illness, they are considered average or even less than. Every once in a while there is a person who comes along that has the ability to change everything for the better. But physical illness that turns into emotional hardening, and a mind full of confusion, who is still the everlasting betterment of mankind, but has lost the ability to do this because of what seems to be an everlasting illness. Who are the true angels in this world? Who are the saints? We spend our time and money on diseases we know so much about for the sake of science, but overlook the people who are enduring them. I am not ashamed to speak of my gifts that no man has ever possessed. Yet so few have seen and heard because I have been horribly ill my entire adult life. In my illness, with all I have accomplished within this, I know how easy it would be to fix my body.The problem from others is arrogance and the inability to listen to another. Specifically I will talk about special needs. But I will revert to the old term, retardation so there is no misunderstanding. They live in disease so severe that they are held prisoner within their own body. Yet, they are angels. There are those who hold themselves prisoners; waiting for that one Godly gesture and they are angels. And once again, there are a few people that were born angelic, but because of illness and man, they are held prisoner just the same. On a personal note about my feelings. People walk through this earth speaking of things they know nothing of. The fickleness, the neediness, their arrogance based on insecurity. They have no grace and no strength as this comes from the spirit. It can not be explained or recognized from someone who does not have these. They believe this comes from extreme riches, money, fame, worldly success that comes through recognition on the television screen. Yet, these people are literally confined into a prison; a box that is literally no bigger than the tv you own/ they own. A size of the bank that their money is being held in. And the group of sycophantic people that they surround themselves with. We measure strength externally. We overlook this internally. And back to grace, until you have it, as I said, it can not be understood or explained. Yet we feel it, as it radiates off from a few individuals. But it can not be put into words, even by those who have it. In this world we follow those who have a lack of substance, talent, humility; you will be hard pressed to find a song that is nothing but one straight verse or one straight chorus. A movie that is not a remake of a remake of a remake. People question Christianity and spirituality for no other reason, as they are blessed in every way, because of their arrogance. Because they need something to fill the void. Because with them, moreso than others, seeing is believing. Those who have suffered so greatly, they battle with doubt; doubt of Gods existence within themselves. Then there are those who are blessed who battle to disprove to and for others. I have battled. I do battle. Without doubt there is no reason for faith. Where is my God who I have honored and have held steadfast with loyalty with no obsconcion or forbearance? My physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual suffering is beyond anyone's understanding because it is beyond mine. Why give me gifts and talents if I can not use them? Why give me a wife when my pain is so great that I can not physically touch or be touched? Politics, religion, music, movies, all ran by children, no matter the age of the individual. They have no understanding or sense of responsibility because they have been through nothing to understand and have no one to be responsible for. Were we given these things simply to be entertained? Awarded to a handful of people who reap the benefits? As one man says: fame is your virtue and looks at another and says you have none of this. A person with God given virtues that are overlooked and forgotten.
It is human nature to want to be remembered, but now it does not matter what for. Social media, a way to connect and share, but is used to spout off any thought that comes in our head. All of this lies in the wake of segregation. Those who do not want to hear what others have to say, but must be heard. They feel no shame or responsibility; as a blue check mark is their path to glory,we have seen how a small bit of fame can change your life; for those who have never had it, and their life changes for the better and so does the world., Each person that shows the possibilities of humanity, we forget 10,000 more. Most of us know of Susan Boyle. Britain's Got Talent. Until she sang, most only looked at her with judgment and disgust. With this fame, she was not forgotten, she was worthy. Reaching the point where they actually cured her illness, because she was valuable. But we have the ability to do this, the technology ,the science the medicine; people who take on the responsibility; grabbing onto an oath that they never preserve.
A lady who is considered a sociopath, but one doctor who took their oath seriously cared enough to look beyond the actions and words of this labelled sociopath. This woman had undergone brain surgery, finding a minute tumor that restricted her body's own production of iron. When removed, awaking from surgery, she was full of emotion, deemed a sociopath no more.
Life can be easy if we don't complicate it. I have seen people who live their life in competition. You would say to yourself, I understand this, everyone wants to be the best, but I have seen people who compete in sickness; who is sicker? I have more pain, I am hungrier, I am more tired, and on and on. I have spoken of myself many times, having surgeries, but needing so many more. How my youth has passed. My wife who has been given gifts and talents, but when coming into a relationship with me, I became ill once again, so fast, life was put on hold. So now I will be bold and blunt in my corrupted mind: people are selfish. They whine and complain. Their encouragement is for themselves. Potential perseverance is overlooked by the ability to make a buck. Needy creatures. Fickle and self-serving in nature. And idly people stand by and do nothing. People live in fear; afraid to simply speak their minds against the tyrants who rule this earth, this planet. When I met my wife, I had no idea what Facebook, Twitter, even Myspace was. I did not understand it. But I thought while awaiting life saving surgeries, I could do good things with these forums. And I find myself still not understanding. People are so easily offended. I was never a man who used vulgarity, but I will be straight up. I see many people as cowards and assholes bitching about technology, having devices in the palm of their hand to do anything and complaining about how shitty their phone is or computer. The more people we are able to reach out to, the less of a chance of being forgotten. I give myself a pass on all of this bullshit. I have sat at home or at a hospital with nothing to do. I never stop thinking; yet before this I never stopped doing. I don't like how my illness has changed me and I want to be better now. I am referring to social media for one reason: we celebrate violence, vulgarity, sex inside of movies. We voice this same behavior on Twitter and Facebook. But we are judged. But these are forums, almost a separate realm to be remembered. Before all of this bullshit we actually had to use our hands to get things done. Actually taking more than 30 seconds to reach someone on the phone. Yet, we can not take one second to hit a retweet button. And we wonder why people are still sick and suffering. Do you have the strength and grace to help one person and if you do this; is never being forgotten by just one person going to be enough for you? Strength. Grace. Are you a superstar? What people have not yet understood is that we choose who is remembered and forgotten. Can you remember that? Or will you forget it? Don't long to be a superstar... long to be a shooting star. No matter how many times we see one, we always lie in amazement and we never forget it. Even once it is long passed.
~Joshua Jet Vaughan~
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