In The Words of Anna Bella- Family Values Part One

With the coming of each political campaign always comes talk about the depreciation of family values in America.  But this post is not about politics, however, each and every day makes me wonder if there isn't something to this.


As many of you know, my husband, the founder of this organization and vision, has several severe health problems. For years we had lived under the understanding that his family knew about his health problems and simply did not care to lend their support and love.  Recently we found out that his family didn't know about his health problems or the severity, however, the sad fact remains that they do not care.

When I found out that my husband's family did not know about his health problems I started reaching out to them, both immediate and extended, and let everyone know how severe his health has become.  Everyone had shock, and everyone had their opinion, but not one person offered well wishes, good luck, or even compassion for our situation, instead, they wanted to take that opportunity to tell me about the problems in their life.

I find it amazing that these people felt the desire to share petty problems (compared to life and death) with a stranger (as most of his family I have never even spoken to) directly after being told that their cousin, nephew, uncle, brother, son, grandson, may be facing death.


I'd like to share an anecdote:

I called my husband's aunt.  And after telling her about how serious my husband's health problems have gotten proceeded to tell me about how  she understands what we are going through because her neighbor had a brain tumor and he died.  Seriously?!? What kind of thing is that to say?

Another story.  My husband is currently in the hospital awaiting surgery, again, many of you reading this know this already, and his immediate family had told us previously that they wanted to talk to him and possibly come see him before his surgery (as with any surgery, but especially one this intensive comes with risks of it's own) but I called the to let the know.  My husband wanted to speak with his sister, and upon calling her, she began screaming at him.  It as so loud, that though the phone was not on speaker, a nurse had come in the room asking us if we could turn the volume down because it was disturbing other patients, however the volume on the phone was as low as it could go, his sister was simply screaming that loudly.   She told him that my husband being sick had caused hell to come down on her and her family and that he had destroyed them and was tearing the apart and that she didn't want to be a part of it any longer.  (On a side note, we have seen or spoken to my sister-in-law and her family for a combined 4 hours in 7 years.)

I don't understand this behavior, and it tears me apart because, though my husband subscribes to the idea that family is not defined by blood but by those who love you unconditionally and that you love back, I find that I still subscribe, at times, to the childish notion that certain people in life are supposed to act a certain way, and am still shocked and appalled when they don't.  Family is not supposed to tell you that you are worthless, especially when you are facing death.  Family is not supposed to scream at you at a pitch and volume a dog couldn't hear.  Family support each other, they come together and love each other through hard times, they don't condemn you and tear you down.

I always felt as though my husband's family saw him getting sick and saw their meal ticket going away.  Frankly, I feel as though they are a bunch of freeloaders.  Looking to my husband's success to pave their way in life, and they hate him for getting sick and putting a hold on the cash flow because his, and now our, money had to go towards providing for us and his health care.  The first time I met my sister-in-law the first thing I heard out of her mouth regarding my husband (after she spent an hour talking about herself) was that he had to get healthy so he could buy her her dream house.  Not so he could have his health, not so that he could be happy and fulfill his dreams and goals, but so that he could buy her a house.  This coming from a woman who hasn't worked for 20 years and wonders why they don't have more money.  Another family member told my husband wouldn't it be better for everyone if he were dead because then they'd all be millionaires.  WHAT?  And how?  I have suspected for years that they have a life insurance policy out on him and are trying to cause his death so they can collect, but this isn't just unfounded paranoia, this was based upon the fact that I was told by his parents that I should take a life insurance policy out on him like they did... just in case.

NO. I'm not going to take a life insurance policy out on my husband because that would be considering the possibility that he will die.  I was disgusted with my own parents when I found out that they had taken a policy out on me when I was 5.  FIVE.  And the one my parents took out on me didn't include coverage for health problems or accidents. So basically short of someone kidnapping and murdering me, they wouldn't collect, which is why all of those thoughts I had as a child that my parents had malicious intentions for me; well, I don't feel crazy for thinking that way any longer.

Is this the result of some social statement about family morals falling apart?  I don't know.  But I know that 60 year old adults are acting like the 20 year olds we see on reality tv shows.  I know that the more people talk online, the less they interact with people in the real world.  I know that the more we accept, encourage, and support atrocities like the recent VMAs, the more people think that that's the way the world is and that it's the way they need to act to be accepted and successful, at least in the worldly sense.

To be continued....