Real Life Angel- An Introduction

Throughout the years that we have been together, I have seen my husband go through unspeakable sufferings.  But each day he continues to amaze me by getting up and fighting not just for himself, but for me and for our life together.

The inhumanities that he has faced, and that we have faced together are beyond what I thought people were capable of.  I don't understand why with such talent and grace that my husband possesses, why this is our journey, but I have to believe that it is for a purpose higher than my understanding.

The reason why I am writing this, is that I will be writing about Joshua and my life together.  About the heartaches and trials that we have been through and survived, and the struggles that we have faced and are still going strong in our love, and Joshua in his life.

My husband is my hero, my mentor and my idol. I've never looked at someone and thought, "this is who I want to be more like" until I met Joshua.  His kindness exceeds what I even hoped to become myself, and his knowledge and wisdom is so strati-spherically advanced that, at times, it borders clairvoyance, however, he simply possesses a profound understanding of human nature, the human heart and spirit, and the world.

People have turned their back on us in our struggles.  And while we have many friends who have, not only stuck by our side and provided support, but lent and given their love as well; the number of those who have proven and stated that Joshua's life is worthless are so numerous I can't help thinking and feeling, "What kind of world are we living in that a price is placed upon a person's life?" And beyond a price, as in our journey money, clout, power, etc, has proven to be of no importance, but that an individual's own view of themselves and their arrogance can allow them to stand by and not only watch a good man die, but cause it.

This is some of what we have lived through.  My confusion and hurt over seeing my husband sick and suffering each and every day, when there is no apparent purpose for it, while being denied by those that can and have the ability and resources to end it, is deafening to my sanity.

Over the years, we have both had moments of surrealism: how can this possibly be real? How can this possibly be continuing and how can we possibly make it through and keep fighting?  As you read some of the experiences that Joshua has been through and that we have been through together; I understand how some of it seems unreal, because the feeling of "people can not possibly be that cruel" that may come over you, however, do not fear because you are not alone as Joshua and I have this feeling each and every day that we live it.

I don't understand why proper medical help has not yet come our way.  The number of times that I have had to watch my husband die is so high that I lost count, and my heart aches and cries at the fear that I may have to see it again before this is over. My confusion over why God has not simply healed Joshua exponentially grows every day, and though I still have faith that that day will come, my heart and soul are weary with how much more my Joshua will have to endure before it is in God's timing.

I will be writing about our experiences from my point of view.  I don't understand how this could have gone on for so long.  My husband is a good man, with amazing goals and dreams not only for himself and me, but also for the world.  He sees things the right way, and no matter when he speaks, even if he is met with an argumentative attitude, whomever he speaks with walks away feeling as though what he said is righteous, because it is.

I don't know when our time will come for him to receive his help, but I hope and pray it is soon because while my husband is strong, I don't know how much longer he can take this, not just the physical suffering he is enduring, but the mental, spiritual and emotional struggle that he makes as every day more and more people turn their back on him who are supposed to be the ones that are helping him make it through this.

My Joshua has too many talents, and too good of a heart for this to be his legacy.  Each time I look at him I see his soul, and I miss his singing and his playing.  I miss his guitar that would soar above any other sound, and his voice that transcends the singing of the angels in heaven. I miss his athletic drive and to see him doing decline crunches with 145lbs on his chest, and I miss looking away afraid that he'd drop one and it would crush his head, even though I know he's too strong for that to ever happen.  I miss the pride he used to walk with,  the confidence, walking tall with the conviction and strength of every cell in his body radiates.

I guess my simple question is, when will it be his turn to be healed or to have the right doctor care?

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