As I watch television shows occasionally, check certain people's twitter pages, they hide behind the cloak of pursuing a better tomorrow by complaining. It is natural to complain, but complaint without action is irresponsibility. Trying to lead others through belittlement, accusations and judgment, this does nothing to unite. I find myself listening to Democrats and Republicans complaining about how the other reacts. To me this seems as if I am back in junior high. This changes nothing. This does not give hope. Simply speaking, they talk and talk and talk yet nothing is resolved.
It is quite bothersome to me that the mass media using politicians to complain about. Yet, none of these people hold themselves accountable for the fact that they are speaking for all of us. For each political party one talk show host constantly degrades another, this is not my definition of a party. A whole world of right fighters, but not righteous fighters. What happened to the term agree to disagree. If you are wanting for someone to agree with you, with every thought, with every wor you will surely be disappointed. But to understand that we are more alike than we are different. To come together can create a result that is better for everyone. Nobody has it all right, and nobody has it all wrong. Honestly this is something that I could talk about for days. But I change nothing by complaining. But if I can honestly then there's a start. We have to start somewhere. Great men, come from humble beginnings. Unfortunately this does not seem to apply. Not anymore. The most respected were called self made men. But even if you are a self made man, there is always someone that has been in your corner.
As far as religion, I can not watch anything anymore on television It is too personal. The judgment that is passed is unbelievable. And as they are preaching about not judging, they are judging .I used to watch some of these who as preachers that would call themselves profits, that would simply point out the prophecies that were already prophesied in the bible. No, that would be called an interpreter. Certain men, saying that if you pray and believe, well the world is rainbows, sunshine and candy canes. Well it's not. If it were, then why would Jesus have to sacrifice his life for us? A saying that is quite old, if wishes were fishes, we'd all have bunch. If only. Whether you believe or not, If you ever look through the bible, take it in context. I've heard preachers state absurdities, one in particular who reaches 6 billion + people a week, referring to one story in the bible, a man that Jesus healed. The story goes that the man had to go to the nearby water and he would be healed. He was blind, paralyzed and mute. It took the man 30 years to do so and he was instantly healed. The preacher says well if that were me, I would have done whatever I had to, including wriggle to the water. I had lost all respect for this person.
How do you know what you would do, if you have never gone through it. Basically saying, that I am better than this man in the bible in all ways, that I am stronger and have more conviction. Looking past the obvious, he could not ask for help. He could not walk, he could not see. Already suffering a lifetime, imagine the confusion in this man's heart. The elation, the fear, most likely the doubt. Probably thinking to himself, why can't I just be healed? Haven't I suffered enough? As the man was probably feeling inside I was born this way. As the confusion sets in. Yet nothing was said by the preacher about the people who had heard what Jesus said, and didn't pick him up and carry him. In the bible Jesus said you will learn more from your sufferings than your blessings. Living through my torment, I understand. It is very confusing. It is contradicting to the bible itself. To the Word of God. Many days I want to get up and play my guitar. I miss exercising, watching a movie, holding my wife. The last time I attempted some of these things, I ended up in a coma. It becomes very confusing and it wears you down, as obviously the result of this is not making anything better, it is just making it worse. But through my sufferings I know myself.
If Jesus walked up to me today and said if you walk a hundred miles, you will immediately be healed and your youth would be restored. As it clearly states in the bible, when you are healed your youth is restored. Speaking through common sense, this obviously means your physical health, mental, emotional, and spiritual well being. It is not saying that you will turn back into a 12 year old, which who the hell would want that anyway? But I can guarantee you this, I would walk those hundred miles. As everything happens, or rather nothing happens out of God's will, many people turn away. Where is God? Many people suffer for a purpose greater than their own. We were put here to enjoy this life, this beautiful world. Maybe God is trying to tell us that He needs us as much as we need Him, and that we need each other just the same. We will never understand why God does what He does, and many times that is beyond difficult. Try explaining to a puppy how a television works. It's just not going to happen.
I know about many things. I am very humble. I know who I was in my health, and I also know who I am in my sickness. I know how my sickness has affected me in all ways. More than just physically, but my mental state, my spiritual state. It is all so confusing. Yet, when I was in remission the world seemed so easy. I had lost all fear. But again, I became ill and more so than I have ever been. I know why I believe but many times as of the last year I have found myself wondering why I don't believe. I don't understand. I don't understand God. But in that lack of understanding, and my personal relationship with God, I have been given a greater understanding of everything else. Again, very confusing. When we struggle if we can see an outcome that is great, even just slightly better, we push. We hope. When we do all of these things and the outcome becomes worse, it is natural to shut down. And people will take advantage of that and push you beyond your limits by taking advantage of your strength and faith, ultimately coming down to your heart and yet God is nowhere. I can not believe He is keeping me here to suffer and then die. And then I think about myself. I think about the pain that I have caused mainly through my sickness, but the people that I could have helped, but may never have the chance. I know many of us feel this way. A lot of times we just don't give it thought.
It's odd that none of it makes sense, but it makes complete sense. When I look at the bible, there are so many things I think of. How it just does not seem to apply to my life. How the torments that I have went through, how they affect others, my wife in particular. Though I don't believe anyone has given me much of this thought. I am talking about the people that are in my life daily, personally. I also look at the bible and I try to find the truth. And I must end with this, again, whether you believe or don't believe. I find it amazing that they nailed human nature down perfectly. And if it is not true, they are the greatest story tellers and manipulators of all time, spending, or rather wasting their time trying to comfort others. Since when have you seen a group of people do that for anyone in your lifetime? As many have stated and I believe for myself, I was an angel that was put on this earth to endure, to see what man went through. Whether that's true or not, that's not the point, as I was speaking to a lovely lady on Twitter, she replied to something I had sent, just as a general tweet. And I will paraphrase, as the bible specifically says this, beware of how you treat others for daily we cross the paths of angels without ever knowing. And as I believe this to be literal, it can also be a metaphor for the fact that you are someone's angel. So remember both of these things. For the literal understanding that I do have, allows me to love without prejudice.
As I am waiting for my healing, as I have been crying out for it, the last time I became very ill, I never thought I could get anything back. I was in fear that my relationship with God that we had built together through my suffering would disappear, but it did not. It became stronger. Everything made sense. I was thankful for my suffering. I had prayed, proclaimed, my healing and almost overnight the sickness had dissappated from my body. Though it was still a struggle, the day by day journey, I held steadfast. This was supposed to be my time. Since I went out of remission, five years have passed. I can not explain what I have been through and what I am going through. It can not be understood. No man can relate. I am alone in this. I have never subscribed to God gives 50% and we give 50%. I've always believed that God gives 100% and we give 100%. Yet, as of now, the pain I am enduring is so unbearable, for the first time in my life I have found myself questioning God, asking Him why have you forsaken me? And though physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually I can not take much more, as I have surpassed the "more than you can handle" I still find myself believing. It's all I have. So as Jesus stated, you will learn more through your sufferings than through your blessings, can a man reach divinity through this? I hope this to be true. For I could not imagine that this is all my life will be. Why was I put here in the first place? As I long to help others, I still want and need for myself. For my wife. I have lived my life righteously. I have lived my life without shame. I have embraced my mistakes and my regret so I could grow. I must be worth something to my Creator. For I don't believe a man has loved God, more than I ever have. And I would like to be healed as I was promised by God Himself. Holding steadfast in your faith and believing in God, loving Him unconditionally, as nothing happens out of His will, that means nothing good or bad, As God is divine and He is my Creator, I must believe that I am as well. For all of you who are suffering, we must hold steadfast together. That is one of the many reasons we are here. I will not allow myself to die. I have too much to do, and too much love to give. I must share my life with my wife. We must share it together. It is our life. I know God hears my prayers. Sometimes I feel He does not hear my cries. Who knows. Maybe He reads my blog.
~Joshua Jet Vaughan~
No comments:
Post a Comment
Comments are needed, wanted and appreciated.